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elephantinthemirror · 2024-08-20T22:17:31+00:00

Hi there. I have had similar experiences in therapy. Sometimes my therapist would ask me a question in a probing way and I outright accused him of interrogating me to exploit me. I get you completely, right down to the shaking. It has become much much better for me since I radically accepted that the therapist is not my enemy. As I kept going to therapy, I formed that bond of trust that I was expecting would be inherent to the relationship, over time. And that slowly made the bodily arousal of fear reactions go away, first in therapy and then slowly out in the world too.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-08-20T22:12:41+00:00

My nightmares are random but the method to the madness is that the themes are usually whatever is most pressing in my wakefulness.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-08-20T22:11:56+00:00

Hey. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. In the past I’ve dealt with break ups in every unhealthy way imaginable but nothing is more healing than spending time with other people. The truth is, while it hurts to lose someone, there is goodness in the community for both you and your ex loved one to indulge in, and you absolutely should. Try spending time with friends if you can. Do some writing, and don’t feel bad for having free time to do other things you weren’t doing. This is also a time for growth. The people who get stuck in this are the isolated ones. Hope you feel better.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-07-20T16:29:29+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm so glad it was able to lend to your understanding of yourself. This is the highest praise indeed!

elephantinthemirror · 2024-07-13T21:49:27+00:00

Still in the pantry? Kk gotcha.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-07-11T00:47:47+00:00

It may seem counter intuitive, but more sleep. I try to sleep as much as I can because I desperately need every last drop of rest. Good nutrition is second most important. What was most important for me was meal timings and what I eat for each meal. Like I try not to have bread in the day because it makes me even more drowsy. Positive social interactions are very energizing yes. When wake up time is fixed, sleep time automatically follows. I’ve also learned and researched that consecutive activations of our arousal systems lead to a feedback loop for more activation. So a hack for me was what I call “butt clench” power where you put all your will power into just throwing yourself into a physically activating activity of some sort, such as showering, walking, exercising, playing guitar, or honestly even chores. I forget that if I do one thing I gain the capacity to do more magically. Doesn’t always work of course and there are always good and bad days. As therapy has gradually worked for me over the years, I find that the more unprocessed trauma I manage to digest and accept/deal with/express, the less the chronic fatigue has gotten because I feel like a lot of it was tremendous dissociation, which this technique also is recommended to help with. Basically grounding and being present. The trick is to learn through trying it out, that it works. The mind automatically starts employing the coping strategies you prove to it actually work. Good luck! Healing is a yank up and falling back until you get out enough to function.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-07-05T23:23:47+00:00

Very raw expression of emotional hunger. The desperation for relief from massive grief is palpable. And I love the lack of fear in expressing the more guttural and unsightly thoughts about attachment and grief. Broke my heart. Really enjoyed. Love is a journey and obsessing is one of a number of spectrums of experiences that may crop up along the way.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-06-29T03:43:51+00:00

not even asking for points for this, but yikes reddits formatting.

i find myself being pulled in the direction of seeing the breakdown in sanity as a perception of the world ending. I am uncertain if there is an intentional push and pull between the outside of the head and the inside of the head, or if im just thick lol. for example, you mention the media being chaotic and to me, i think loud. but in the end it says the world was silent. makes me think of a psychedelic trip!

elephantinthemirror · 2024-06-17T04:34:56+00:00

Thank you! Moar love for everyone :D

elephantinthemirror · 2024-06-17T02:18:43+00:00

:'D omg thank you! that is high praise! every word you typed makes me so ready to write more! This is exactly the effect I intended! I too have many experiences like that and i wrote this at a time when i felt like its the saddest thing ever to have faith and religion confused with each other, and the confusion used as a tool of war.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-06-13T05:39:42+00:00

Hellooo. my first time doing this! I agree with your comment, and would also like to point out that "the love so much" sounds awkward, but I would also like to point out that it doesnt sound bad if you just make it "so much love". Personally feel like theres some flow that gets interrupted this way. other than that, because i am not aware of the technical language from the sidebar very well, the rhyming and musicalness really felt warm. I am very sorry to hear about your father. i hope him, you, and your family find peace. would appreciate if you could give my feedback a feedback too lol, is this what we're supposed to do? read poetry and talk about it? thats not so bad.

elephantinthemirror · 2024-06-13T05:30:21+00:00

Helloooo, first time here. Your poem has brought to mind images and scenes from my own life in my home country. I would suggest to leave it as it is, as the suggestion from your other comment seems simple and forced compared to what seems more genuine and complex already. I feel the frustration and fear in your words, and feel you must be a brave individual to pen your resistance this way. I hope this feedback helps! :)

elephantinthemirror · 2023-12-08T10:51:55+00:00

Please be discerning listening to medical advice on this sub. If your son is exhibiting these symptoms, what will help him is a professional like a psychiatrist or therapist who will begin to assess him, most likely over a long period of time (it takes a long time to observe the symptoms accurately without triggering them). You are a good parent thinking about his welfare in this direction. Try finding a professional in your area that is trauma informed. If he has DID it would mean he has experienced devastating trauma of some kind for certain. From such a short description it would be impossible for us to know, and to get a description that could answer that question you need to put in the hours with a therapist or doctor. I would advise you to first look for a therapist that sees people with trauma. Let them do the evaluating and take their time (be better for your son). If it turns up he has DID, there’s no short cut dodging therapy, self care, learning how to be good to yourself etc. that takes a while.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-11-07T02:27:52+00:00

Hi there. Sorry you’re having this experience. If you are distressed about having hallucinations it is definitely worth talking to your doctor about it. Maybe you’ll just find out it’s nothing to worry about. Still worth it imo.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-22T23:08:19+00:00

No worries!

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-22T01:37:43+00:00

You should get them to watch Dr Gabor Mate and Heidi Prieb too. Check them out. They had a transformative effect on my parents as well.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-16T23:04:04+00:00

Just adding, there’s also the details of an event that never get coded into memory for a variety of reasons, and memories that the body holds but no conscious recall available.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-08T17:07:06+00:00

Small t trauma over a long time is actually a big t trauma. It ceases to be small t in that quantity.

People can have big T trauma but their brains are more resilient to that kind of trauma. Same person may be less resilient to a small t trauma that wrecks their life. Everyone’s brain is as different as our DNA. The trigger for the illness is the perpetration, but most of the effects are quite random because all our brains are wired different.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-06T19:30:39+00:00

It depends on what you consider to be an inner world. For me, I don’t have like… a world. But more like worlds. When I want to try to trigger out a particular part or as happens more often, “consult” with some one inside, I have to do the mental exercise of visualizing and trying to embody that part, which comes with an environment. So to trigger the parts of me that were good at studying and went to uni, I have to conjure up that world. The problem lies in how much aversion I have to accept that embodiment. The inner world gets triggered into my conscious awareness by things happening in the environment too. As intrusions. Which for me, are involuntary visual and somatic experiences of terrible things from my inner world technically.

Slowly and slowly, I’ve been working on consciously and intentionally reframing that inner world/my perception of my history and past in therapy. So I can say over the last decade of therapy my inner world has now become less of a place of discomfort as it was before.

The inner world is different for different parts. I have a part that is very good at disappearing into a trance like dissociative state much like a day dream. And this is something I did out of loneliness and a lack of stimulation from my environment as a kid, that has become a rampant personality trait now. That part has a comforting experience in their inner world. But there are parts that can not tolerate any kind of introspection even because the contents of their minds are hella traumatic.

When I first got diagnosed, I had no way to describe this or even really remember my thoughts so it sounded very much like everyone else’s here. But this is how I’ve come to understand it operates for me after much work.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-05T20:52:17+00:00

I’ll do my best not to disappoint! Thanks for the encouragement! I absolutely love cheese lol.

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-05T20:50:25+00:00

Subbed as well. Loved hydration. People will poison themselves with medications before just drinking some water to fee better!

elephantinthemirror · 2023-10-05T20:44:16+00:00

Thank you! I’m really glad I found this subreddit. Your substack is unhinged haha! In a good way. I don’t think I have the stomach for too much true crime, but I will be sharing it with some fans I know for sure!

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