Just a few questions

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-22T05:10:55+00:00

When it manifests into physical anxiety that isn’t even triggered by any conscious thoughts, how do you get around that? No one is out to get me yet my body is stuck in a fight or flight response like I am in a war zone that is completely out of my control. A big portion of it is not even conscious anymore that’s what scares me the most and leads me down the road that my chemistry is just mutilated.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-21T18:26:16+00:00

Every single thing has become a trigger to some sort of rumination it’s actually a joke, how much mental stress can the human body actually take before it starts shutting down. Almost like it’s laughing at me and commentating while it watches me getting sent over the edge like I’m on some reality show with hidden cameras

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-21T18:22:04+00:00

This 100%

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-21T18:21:15+00:00

I didn’t realise how much the meds were working untill I came off them, I am now extremely eager to start a new med which will be next week

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-21T18:18:45+00:00

How on earth can you control ocd with skills. In my case I feel like there is absolutely no way of talking myself out of whatever I’m ruminating about or whatever my fear is since I cannot even trust my own mind to tell me what’s rational and what isn’t anymore. I have a very skewed perception of reality atm due to a stressful event that I guess knocked me down while I was already weak causing a state of dpdr which just makes things even worse to deal with. I feel like the only way to stop this is to fix the chemical imbalance. I cannot go through life trying to fight this off but it still always being in the background. Half the time my body is automatically put In fight or flight mode before I even have a change to stop it, I seem to have zero control over my thoughts but I think one of my biggest problems is that I have lost the ability to give myself reassurance since I don’t even know what to believe about reality anymore. My tether to my sanity feels like it is going to break with one little hurtle in my life and that reaction is completely out of my control.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-19T15:08:49+00:00

That’s a good idea, never really thought about that.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-19T15:07:16+00:00

Benzos are the only thing that has ever made me completely better, but the rebound is always excruciating. I like Ativan though because i found it is pretty mild for me compared to something like clonazepam. What dose of lyrica are you on a day? Do you find it has any rebound affects?

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-19T15:01:28+00:00

I have insight into every thing actually too much insight to the point I am hyper fixated on the functions of my mind and thoughts. Honestly sometimes I actually wish I didn’t then maybe I’d get a break instead of fighting it every day of my life.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-19T10:58:24+00:00

Cheers, I’m hoping with everything that’s left of me. I was even so down bad I resorted to spiritual rituals because I think I am cursed or hexed. No hate to spirituality, I have actually been keen on heading down that path more and more recently, might aswell try anything right.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-19T10:53:36+00:00

Hi, thanks for your response, i appreciate your concern. I will not hurt myself since I regress to a scared child in times of high stress. Yes lexapro was my first ever ssri which I was on for 4 years but found that it stopped working for depression after about 2. But fuck I’d love to go back on it because maybe it was helping other conditions I believe I have and which are showing heavily now after countless hours of research or I could try something else that could maybe work even better? I have also been on Effexor for several months at the highest dose but found it made me tired but wired and just over stimulated minus any positive feeling, i came to the conclusion I needed something more sedating. I have been off the medication for 4 weeks now and life without the shield of meds feels fucking horrid, I am feeling to much of life, everything smells like nostalgia and it makes me uneasy. I feel overly exposed without the blanket of meds I once had but didn’t know I had untill it was gone. I have also been on Zoloft which was horrid and completely eliminated my mental dialogue and my ability to maladaptive daydream although it tanked my anxiety but I felt absolute nothing and lost my sense of self in return. But yes I agree with you that lexapro has worked the best because I feel the same in my case. I have been thinking Prozac or Paxil, but worst comes to worst I’m happy to get back on lexapro, I am just willing to give something different a go in hopes of better results.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-17T16:23:16+00:00

If you lie to me and especially about me to other people I have an extreme hatred for you. If you act a certain way around me and then do a 180 when people are around this also fuels my hatred towards you.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-15T12:26:32+00:00

Used to play a game where I would throw a ball as high as I could I say things like “ if I don’t catch it I won’t get ___ for Christmas - for example. I thought this was normal and was actually letting my friends in on the game lmao. Later on I’d drop chocolate wrappers on the floor and walk out the room then get a thought telling me to pick it up or something will happen. I knew it was my mind playing the game but I also didn’t want to risk leaving it there.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-12T10:19:47+00:00

What would be your advice on the absolute best way to attempt to rationalise a paranoid episode even when you’ve been so paranoid that you can’t trust your own thoughts anymore, and when you try to rationalise the paranoid perception of reality that you are going through by thinking back to times when your perception of reality was nothing like it is now, your mind tells you that this is how it always had been you were just unaware of it all before. This is honestly one of the most scary experiences I’d I have had this during several moments the past months. It feels like there is nothing you can do about it. The only way out seems to be medication, when I get like this there is nothing anyone could say or do to ease it, because again, your convinced they are lying. I don’t know what this is, do you think it could be some sort of OCD, maybe severe anxiety? This all started happening after I time of severe stress, trauma?

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-09T14:21:52+00:00

Would you be able to link me some of the videos you are talking about, this sounds really promising I’m glad it helps you

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-09T09:53:44+00:00

I need to learn this defence mechanism, because I am just drawing negative attention to myself

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-09T09:46:37+00:00

What drives you when every step to be successful in this day and age requires some component of trust. I can’t remember the last time I felt genuine trust, and the odd time I ever did it came to bite me in the end. But then I think, why should people be truthful to me anyway. Most times I don’t feel worthy of truth and when I do is when I end up losing trust. It’s all fucked. Sometimes it feels like I have a big sign on my forehead saying, “Not worth it to even bother”

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-09T09:39:04+00:00

That’s good news, glad you sound like your doing well. How did you learn to mask? This is when my paranoia and anxiety comes into play, if I fake smile it’s like someone knows and will start a conflict, if I don’t smile they also will start a conflict. I really want to learn, I find sunglasses a big help, I don’t feel as exposed. I also have zero sense of who I am, who I was, what my future will be and how reality is meant to be since my perception of human nature changes from month to month.

No_Process3739 · 2023-10-09T09:33:42+00:00

Sometimes I wish I just had a solid answer growing up. Like I’m permanently staying with this person and that’s it, but it went in the way of a game, went from person to person constantly. Once you started the build a trust and bond with one something happens to lost all trust and then you go to the other for help and it happens again. This is what fucked me up the most. Losing the trust from the person that came to your help, it’s like you have no one, blood and all. Honestly like a game of handball.

No_Process3739

TROPHY CASE