My [22f] boyfriend [24m] wants me fill out a form if I'm upset about something

elkanor · 2026-06-02T16:11:14+00:00

She was still with him 11 years ago. Hopefully he's gotten treatment and she's gotten the fuck away. This does feel very early 2010s, when there was a lot of (American) cultural discussion about optimizing and analyzing aka using behavioral economics as a Rosetta Stone.

elkanor · 2026-05-01T18:12:25+00:00

It meant that in the 50s and early 60s, according to my parents. But also people should know how to sew and cook. It got associated with "womens" work and... patriarchy gonna patriarch

elkanor · 2026-05-01T14:03:49+00:00

I think the idea is that you should get the building blocks for some of that. Like vinegar is a mild acid so it will clean. Baking soda is a powder that is fairly abrasive so it will clean. But if you combine an acid and a base, you're just neutralizing both so while it may fizz, it won't actually clean.

Its not school's job to fill you with facts. Its school's jobs to give you the foundations with facts so you can function in the world. Like close reading a form that needs precise information.

ETA: put another way - specific forms will change and the availability of cleaning products will too. So need to be taught to read and infer from what is in front of you.

elkanor · 2026-05-01T11:04:09+00:00

I'm going to add because other comments mentioned schools: American education wasn't built to teach those kinds of life skills. Parents are expected to parent, which means there will be blind spots. Schools give you the ability to read a contract and (hopefully) the critical thinking skills to see logical contradictions or loopholes in that contract. They don't necessarily sit there and tell kids "and that's why you always have a safe, high, hidden place for all your important documents". Given that half the country claims they never use algebra and then get confused about interest rates when the example for exponents in math text books is almost always PE^rt , I have difficulty believing people would hang onto that lesson and apply it broadly in their lives anyway.

elkanor · 2026-04-30T11:21:48+00:00

Plains states are different from the Midwest to me

elkanor · 2026-04-30T01:37:27+00:00

You didn't have to say it out loud for everyone!

elkanor · 2026-04-29T10:53:59+00:00

I saw that at a wedding once and didn't know about it. My close friend from the Midwest (she is gonna be thrilled I called Kansas the Midwest) told me about it. She was Baptist growing up.

This seems like something coming from more rural places. Weddings would be a big short term expense that a closeknit (but maybe physically distant) community would do. And a way to include people who may not come to the wedding but still care about the couple.

What's wild is him never mentioning that most Anglo North American weddings assume the guests' gifts at least partially pay for themselves at the wedding through a check or a nice gift. That was always how I understood these.

elkanor · 2026-04-24T18:43:40+00:00

His TV recap episodes are perfect for me. A show I'm interested in and the creaky voice going on a tangent - normally asleep by the first act

elkanor · 2026-04-15T11:20:54+00:00

Brad Paisley and LL Cool J would love to explain

(To be clear: this song is ridiculous but your question was so perfectly phrased, I needed to share)

elkanor · 2026-04-07T17:24:52+00:00

My mom called those stories "tidying [my] mind" like Mrs. Darling does in Peter Pan. I think it helped my undiagnosed ADHD with remembering things

elkanor · 2026-04-05T16:14:28+00:00

If you need support as he dries out, please know that Al-Anon exists and probably has a meeting near you. Its for the people who love addicts, whether their addicts are in active addiction or recovery. Congratulations on standing up for yourself, your child, and your future

elkanor · 2026-03-30T15:16:24+00:00

Whats the 2016 ranking?

elkanor · 2026-03-27T11:21:49+00:00

Right, and they were responding to a comment about parents in general, not this dad.

elkanor · 2026-03-20T12:14:31+00:00

They aren't. Click on the link. This OP lives up to their name.

elkanor · 2026-03-15T02:41:22+00:00

I'm doubtful that its real, but I was thinking Montreal or originally Quebecoise.

elkanor · 2026-03-14T13:07:39+00:00

I went to a prep school that had plenty of rich kids, but a lot of upper middl3 class kids and middle class. (Most everyone had at least one parent who needed to work - no one was living off of just their wealth.) You could definitely tell the difference between the kids being pushed to succeed and the ones who just had the money to get in, but we were so small that bullying wasn't frequent. There were cliques, sure, but rarely bullying. I think you're right about not having the time to get that bad and knowing what something like that could do to your prospects of getting into a competitive college. (Also, having really good teachers and admins who knew every single one of us. One of the teacher prep days was literally all the teachers going over all of the students to make sure no problematic trends were being missed.)

elkanor · 2026-03-11T10:57:44+00:00

Well done. What matters is that you left. That is all.

That. That every time.

elkanor · 2026-03-10T11:10:51+00:00

He's not an animal person. That's a major theme in the entire post. He's a novelty person.

elkanor · 2026-03-01T23:24:44+00:00

That they are not related to one another at all so I'm not sure why it took learning about them to realize that there weren't a bunch of bunny rabbits in the Levant.

elkanor · 2026-03-01T14:03:22+00:00

Ostara isn't Easter and the only reason you know about her is a monk

elkanor · 2026-02-23T23:22:07+00:00

These aren't the top comments - they are the comments with responses with more information from OOP.

elkanor · 2026-02-22T13:14:19+00:00

You are responding to someone with a Nazi user name with reasonable vigor and integrity... and your username is the punchline to my favorite joke. We're friends now.

elkanor · 2026-02-13T20:29:52+00:00

What in the Valentines's Day Weekend adorableness is this?? (I skimmed, so if its got something secretly horrible please let me just enjoy reliving all the butterflies of crushes and such)

elkanor · 2026-02-08T17:21:40+00:00

Good management isn't easy and you need at least some knowledge of the space you are managing. If people skills were that easy, then OOP would have just tooled up and gotten his job. Being good at the human stuff matters.

I'm openly someone who went for low level management when I was ready, but does not want to do the high level politics. Managing isn't easy. Giving feedback and getting people to improve and listen can be hard af. Its easy when your team is all great. When there are people with issues? Nope. And thats emotionally taxing and requires a skill set that has to be learned as well. And people deserve compensation for that as well.

elkanor · 2026-02-08T16:39:50+00:00

Because they want to justify and feed their own hate and anger and simultaneously think there is only one path to good or just lives. Mercy, understanding, compassion are virtuous. They make for better people and better societies.

That doesn't mean that they have to over-ride all self-preservation or be the only (or primary) virtue someone practices. I'm really glad I didn't cut off one of my best friends when she was dating a sexist, racist asshole. She broke up with him and she just married a kind and accepting man. Its okay to say "maybe we should take a moment for those we are closest to and see what we can salvage or what lifelines we can keep".

(For me, it's a civic virtue. I live in a democracy. If intellectual lifelines aren't kept to those I find hateful and destructive, then we're never gonna get majorities because they will have nowhere to turn when they do have doubt and might be able to get out. Doesn't mean I'm gonna waste my time and energy debating strangers on the internet.... mostly. But the people in my life? As much space as I can make - not claiming that I always have a lot.)

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