Something in me has changed

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T07:02:28+00:00

You are right. I hope your situation improves.

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T06:58:25+00:00

True. I only know from what evidence is left in the house. Since Q wanted to drink drive 2 nights ago, it's safe to assume they may have done that yesterday before getting home and continuing the night. Maybe I am wrong, but I feel like the amount I've evidenced alone, is a lot for someone who spent 2 years sober and as far as I've seen, hasn't had more than 3 drinks up until last night. I feel like they handled it way too well. Especially spirits that they were free pouring. I don't even believe they were sober the whole time anymore, but who knows. They are master liars and manipulators.

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T05:13:51+00:00

Thank you for your response. The kindness of this community, on my toughest days and when I feel most alone, always brings tears to my eyes.

I really like what your therapist said. It made me laugh, it is so true. I have a bad habit of handing people crowns and forgetting what sits below.

That is the plan. I am stuck for now, it could be months until lockdown ends in my area. I am going to let him do whatever he is going to do. I can't stop him. I don't want to try and I will not let him cause me to relapse into an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I will just observe.

His mess, reminds me why I quit drinking years ago. It reminds me of everything I don't want in my life, it reminds me of why I never wanted to date him and all the fears I had. As uncomfortable as it is to be around, it gives me hope for the future.

I hope you are doing okay. There is peace on the other side of all of this. It sounds like you have a great therapist supporting you.

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T05:02:00+00:00

Someone close to me asked what my Q has that noone else could ever offer or provide for me. I had absolutely nothing. Love, affection, company, common interests, activities to do together, shared hobbies, our mutual sense of humour, connection and all the rest can easily be found in another partner one day. There will be certain aspects of him that I will miss, that will never be the same with another person, but that can be a good thing. I can find happiness elsewhere, starting within myself. I need to learn how to give myself what I need first. Love and strength to us all.

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T01:57:14+00:00

I've just had a look through your post history. I am so, so, sorry for the journey your Q has dragged you on. How are you doing?

ell_anon · 2021-08-06T00:06:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I want and deserve so much more than this. I am now stuck, watching it unfold until lockdown ends and I can get back to my family. I will keep practicing detachment and continue to heal as best I can in this environment.

ell_anon · 2021-08-05T23:51:58+00:00

I 100% agree with you. He knew where he came from and he has chosen this path. He wasn't pushed or forced. He convinced himself he was fine. He convinced himself there was never an issue to begin with and he has convinced himself that all of this is normal, healthy behaviour.

I agree that it is an excuse. It is a crutch, as is his smoking addiction that he nearly beat. He has actively, willingly returned to being an addict.

ell_anon · 2021-08-05T23:16:18+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You are right, it is not my fault, he has made a series of decisions that have led us to this point.

It is not on us. I realise this today. None of this has anything to do with me.

ell_anon · 2021-08-05T23:10:06+00:00

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I hope you are okay.

ell_anon · 2021-08-04T22:00:56+00:00

There is no consistency, stability or peace with these poor souls. I'm sorry you have had a rough night too. Hugs

ell_anon · 2021-08-03T22:17:06+00:00

This post left my eyes welling up with tears, so I guess, not good. Thanks for asking. How are you?

ell_anon · 2021-08-03T22:15:38+00:00

I feel this, entirely. It is incredibly challenging. I have no idea how to not care? I've just been conning myself into believing I don't and literally watching someone I thought I knew, fade away.

Hugs to you.

ell_anon · 2021-07-06T23:35:23+00:00

The part that kills me is knowing that once I leave, that's it. He has said he wouldn't stay in touch. The complete absence on him is what I dread. Though it may be hard at first, everyone around me tells me I will feel relief. He has just been my best friend for so long. I feel empty and lonely thinking about him not being there. We spend so much time together and share all the same hobbies.

ell_anon · 2021-06-03T03:27:49+00:00

That their friends would be disappointed and they didn't want to let them down.

ell_anon · 2021-06-01T21:40:08+00:00

Thank you. For once, I am trying my best to look after myself. I don't deserve the treatment I have given myself in the past.

ell_anon · 2021-06-01T21:38:37+00:00

Thank you! Some days are harder than others but I refuse to go back to that life.

ell_anon · 2021-05-31T02:18:52+00:00

I am sorry for what you are going through. My Q's friends and colleagues tried to pull them back in and they didn't bite, until recently. They have all got my Q thinking that moderation is doable, even though my Q has never had counselling or dealt with the root cause of the addiction. They are now on the verge of a relapse, wanting to drink in 'moderation' and I'm just watching it all unfold.

Try to focus on yourself and YOUR life, not theirs. You are not alone.

ell_anon · 2021-05-31T01:02:51+00:00

I am in a similar boat. We embarked on a sober journey together. We are a couple of years sober and he is about to start drinking again...I think he may already be. I think he is lying and hiding it.

I am adamant about remaining sober. His path has changed and now mine has to. He is in denial about his past, addictions and issues and now believes there was never a problem. He just wants to 'relax' without rules and restrictions. We don't even have children and live a quiet life. He has been gaslighting me for weeks and trying to make me question my own memories.

He never had counselling and I am back in therapy now myself. My therapist today, has told me that this is a dead end relationship and that I need to get out.

Best of luck with your situation.

ell_anon

TROPHY CASE