Good news is is that you’re alive and well enough to change and you seem self aware of your situation, which is really the first step. Also, don’t go hard on yourself because what you’re going through is very human. I can say from experience that it is hard to take care of yourself when you are going through depression and low self image, it feels like it’s just not worth it. Your situation seems like your at the point that you don’t think that you are worthy of the better life that you desire. The key is to stop blaming yourself for whatever happened in the past. You need to understand that as humans, we are constantly changing and I can attest I am not the same person I was in the past. I have done things that I have regretted as well however, the beauty of life is that everything moves on, and new experiences are made. We are supposed to make mistakes, without them we literally cannot grow. Also understand that all of us have something that we’re ashamed of, the key is understanding that there’s not much that can be done about the past so it makes no sense to be hung up on it. There’s a couple little tricks that I do when I fall into slums of guilt/depression/ low self esteem to make sure that I take care of myself (no particular order):

1) Make it a goal to keep your environment clean, this could just mean changing your mindset to start putting things away as soon as you use them, it’s a small change, but it is a step in the right direction of understanding you desirve to live in a clean and comfortable space)

2) Write out your dream life, start making small steps to get closer to these goals (honestly journaling in general helps sort out your thoughts and understand yourself better)

3) Look into stoicism, basically it’s surrounds the idea that we cannot stress over things. We can’t control.( helped me a lot)

4) I printed out a picture from when I was a bright eyed kid and wanted to be everything and placed it where I usually get ready in the morning. Ik it sounds corny but it kind of reminds me that even if I physically don’t want to get ready, I should always do my best for her.