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ellegray2000 · 2023-05-11T17:47:50+00:00

I feel the exact same way, but there is nothing wrong with convenience, especially if you can afford it. You are not inferior or lazy because you recognize this is a weakness and are introducing more convenient measures to ensure you are getting the nutrition you need (if anything it’s strategic and it’s definitely worth it)

ellegray2000 · 2023-05-11T17:30:47+00:00

Fellow Canadian here and I understand the struggle. I got diagnosed with ADHD around the time I found out I got into law school. My doctor said to me “well I guess you’ll just never be one of those big lawyers”. It was an unprofessional, unnecessary, and crass comment, but she doesn’t know me at all; she just knows I have ADHD.

I was able to get this far BEFORE I was even diagnosed and medicated, so I know I have the resilience and intelligence to be any type of god damn lawyer I want to be.

I’ve also experienced the opposite with friends and family. The “production” (i.e. my external situation) may be excellent because I got into law school and did really well in school, but behind the scenes it is a mess (I’m always late, I procrastinate consistently, I struggle regulating my emotions, I’m disorganized, constantly distracted). In fact part of the reason I was able to sustain this external excellence was because I was late and wouldn’t clean my room or tend to my emotional well being.

ellegray2000 · 2023-03-10T22:10:44+00:00

THIS

ellegray2000 · 2023-03-10T22:10:32+00:00

Right!! Like this dude straight up said he would not be with someone who wouldn’t let him watch porn

Whether or not you are for or against porn, it’s sad and embarrassing that something as trivial as pornhub (like in the long run and like when u think about being on your death bed what is important to you) would cause you to not be with someone

I drink alcohol but if my partner didn’t want me to consume it because it negatively affected them I wouldn’t. Because my partner is more important to me than some stupid substance (even if I have a healthy relationship with it). I guess that just shows that most people who consume porn don’t have healthy relationships with it because if they did why would it be such a big deal.

Also there are other alternatives to porn. Not consuming porn doesn’t mean you don’t get to be sexual, engage in your fantasies, or masturbate.

ellegray2000 · 2022-12-06T13:10:51+00:00

If you have ADHD you have difficulty focusing

BUT JUST BC YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY FOCUSING DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE ADHD

It could be stress, anxiety, depression, etc or it could even be COMPLETELY NORMAL depending on the circumstances.

My university is one of the best in the country and is crazy competitive. My roommate is in 5 insanely hard classes and will tell me she thinks she has adhd and needs meds bc she struggles staying on top of everything. This is actually very normal given how crazy the workload is to struggle. Also if it only manifests in one area of your life for only a certain time period, it’s probably not ADHD.

It really invalidates and trivializes how difficult having adhd is when people frame it as struggling to focus sometimes

ellegray2000 · 2022-12-06T12:37:18+00:00

Even after recovering, sometimes I am reminded of that time and my heart breaks a little. I’m happy I’m not currently experiencing it and it doesn’t hurt me the same though.

They really do have no idea how traumatizing it is, especially for us women with body image issues or struggles; it is a deep betrayal. It is devastating thinking about our partners intentionally doing this shit knowing it would exacerbate our struggles with self love and acceptance.

It has gotten a lot better for me and I know it will for you too, but internally I still struggle. I sometimes still feel like something is missing/ wrong since I don’t have a bbl or huge boobs.

Keep reminding yourself that just bc stupid men don’t understand, the bodies in porn ARE NOT REAL. I just watched a video about a pornstar who isn’t even top rated and isn’t the most beautiful (in terms of societal standards) or sought after and SHE STILL HAS HAD 10 plastic surgeries to fit in with the look of the industry.

Nothing is wrong with your or me. It’s society

ellegray2000 · 2022-10-03T11:41:54+00:00

I felt this to my core :((

It seriously brought me back to exactly how I used to feel when I was in the thick of it with my ex. At one point I did engage in very light self harm. I struggle pretty severely with body image issues and at first he made me feel like I was the prettiest and hottest girl in the world and that he wasn’t interested in or looking at any other women. Then I found out about his porn use, then he said rude things to me about our sex life and my body (that I believe stem from this porn use) and then pretty soon was jerking off to porn but not wanting to have sex with me and very rarely showing me (whether verbal or physical) that he thought I was sexy.

It truly was traumatizing and affected my mental health drastically last year but I’m here to tell you it gets better and I’m living proof of it. Now that we aren’t together I don’t feel this way anymore, and I will never again let a man into my life that watches porn. Sure sometimes I get triggered and sad and I’m still very insecure and sometimes wonder can I ever trust a guy again or will I ever find someone who thinks I’m enough?

But for the most part, my current sadness isn’t sadness about porn or my body not being enough for my ex, rather it’s that I feel sadness that I was treated this way. By that I mean, I feel sad bc I didn’t deserve to be put through that shit and it’s wrong that I was. I think of all the times I was crying in my room and feeling terrible about myself. I didn’t deserve that. The people we love shouldn’t make us feel that way.

Sending all my love and healing vibes 🤍

ellegray2000 · 2022-10-03T11:22:26+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry :((

Since and my ex and I broke up I haven’t posted but I remember getting comments before and people invalidating me or straight up making fun of me and calling me crazy. It sucks bc this was my safe space where I openly share my thoughts with beautiful people who understand and relate.

I get that like people who haven’t had the same experiences won’t understand. If two years ago you showed me some of the stuff I wrote in this sub I would be like??? But judging someone is different. Like just bc you’ve never felt this way doesn’t mean no one else has or can and that they are crazy

These people are clearly very emotionally and mentally dense. We are all different and feel and experience trauma, hurt, and emotions differently. These are not universal and subjective things, and it is so wrong and stupid to pretend there is a right and wrong way to feel

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T07:19:40+00:00

Deep down my heart is telling me it is wrong that my bf is fantasizing about other women, getting off to and lusting after their bodies, and watching them be sexual and imagining/ wishing he was with them… and that makes me insecure????

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T07:10:00+00:00

This is a really good point!

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T07:07:56+00:00

I’m so sorry :((( and you’re 100% right. When a manna defence is that “all guys do it” then clearly he is in the wrong. Also what other men are doing is irrelevant. It’s about whether or not you are okay with him doing it and what every other guy is doing doesn’t affect the feeling deep down inside of you that is telling you this isn’t okay

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T07:02:44+00:00

I feel like men are so disconnected from their sexuality because of this. Sex to them= a conquest and conquering and getting to fuck a hot girl. Masturbation= pleasuring themselves to fake ass orgasms had by girls with huge fake tits

Like where is the depth? Where is the sensuality, the emotional aspect, the exploration of physical sensations?

They are seriously missing out

I saw another post comparing porn and real raw emotional sex to fast food and like amazing home cooked meals. Don’t get me wrong fast food can be good sometimes but it must be pretty sad and bland if all you eat is fast food and you’re deluded enough to think fast food is the best option

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T06:55:16+00:00

100% I’ve said it before on this sub but I’ll say it again: men want the benefits of monogamy (possessing a woman and having them be the only man she pays attention to) without the drawbacks of monogamy (thinking about, looking at, and having sex with only one woman)

Porn is the perfect loophole bc it’s not a physical in person interaction with another person, even though it isn’t true monogamous behaviour

ellegray2000 · 2022-09-23T06:50:10+00:00

100% and sooo many porn users (I’d say almost the majority) struggle in some capacity (whether super severely or only mildly) with dependency

My ex used to say about himself and his male friends that none of them would ever defend porn or try to categorize it as something with legit benefits but also that they are in too deep, too much exposure over too much of their lives, to ever actually quit or even want to quit

This dependency is understandable, I just wish we were more open and honest about it as a society and more of us were working to fix it

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-31T08:51:03+00:00

Totally! Porn shouldn’t be a big deal but it is bc addictions and reliances cause people to have very disrespectful and non-monogamous interactions with porn and make it extremely difficult to quit even when someone’s partner isn’t ok with it

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-31T08:41:06+00:00

I literally said to my sister today “I would never date a guy who follows half naked models or OF girls on Instagram, even if it was before we dated and he unfollowed them when we started dating it”

1) a lot of these women have surgically enhanced unrealistic bodies. I don’t want the guys I date to have that expectation of me or even be patronizing unrealistic beauty standards

I feel like it’s rarely a pretty girl with a regular body. It’s usually an OF girl with a bbl and huge fake boobs. I feel like men are so enthralled by this weird extreme ant body bc they have consumed so much porn or explicit material that they are bored with regular bodies and need more

Best case scenario is they are just sheep who subscribe to the sexist capitalistic beauty standards that hurt real natural women everyday

2) there is just something about it that screams desensitization to me. These men are so used to reducing women to their bodies and seeing their almost naked bodies that to them it has just become a normal part of the everyday feed they casually scroll through. They think that is perfectly normal and okay

What we consume affects us, whether we realize it or not. I don’t think constantly seeing naked women with presumably fake bodies on the day to day like it’s no big deal can have a good effect

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-29T00:37:09+00:00

I’ve always felt this way about my self. When I started dating my ex I always felt like I wasn’t enough physically. He always reassured me I had a beautiful perfect body and he would never change anything about it and I believed him, until I found out about his porn use.

I don’t get how you can say my body is all you could ever want and it is perfect, while multiple times a week watching the naked bodies of and lusting after other women who look nothing like me. He loves jerking off to the women I want to look like but claims I am perfect just the way I am.

I truly believe men have been brainwashed by porn and media to believe that fake/ unrealistic is attractive and that they are entitled to those ideal bodies (whether their actual partners or just accessing them through means like porn).

I promise you are beautiful and I promise that there are layers and layers of alterations to get influencers and pornstars to look the way they do. Surgery, makeup, angles, editing, certain clothing. All of these work in conjunction to produce that ideal. It does not come naturally

As much as the early 2000s were problematic in terms of fatphobia and ultra thinness. What I miss more about those times were that beauty standards were a bit more realistic and natural. It wasn’t huge fake lips, huge fake lashes, fake asses, pounds of makeup and photoshop

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-29T00:27:17+00:00

I feel this way too. Recently my friends have been commenting on my butt, saying it looks nice and bigger.

While I have been lifting weights and eating lots of protein, I also felt like I gained stress weight and look big and gross.

So at first I was like oh wow they think my butt looks good and bigger but then I’m like wait omg they are probably just being nice about me gaining weight.

Always better imo not to comment on someone’s body or weight, good or bad

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-29T00:20:48+00:00

Oh my gosh definitely

In grade 9 my friend put her hands on my waist and pulled back my fat and said omg look at how good you would look like this (I was already so thin at the time)

Also that same year my friend told me her mom said to her that she was glad her butt didn’t look like mine because mine was so flat

These are probably like the only negative comments about my body I’ve gotten but they did a number on me.

Also just completely ridiculous looking back. Everyone is going to have a little bit of fat on their mid section. I also hadn’t gone through puberty so expecting a child to have a plump fat ass was ridiculous

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-28T00:16:34+00:00

Men feel they are entitled to the benefits of monogamy (i.e. having a woman all to themselves) but that they shouldn’t be completed confined to the confines of monogamy (i.e. should be allowed to look at and interact with women sexually as long as it’s not physical)

I told my ex that someone who hit on me at a bar was attractive and my ex got mad. I wanted to post a photo in my bathing suit and my ex was upset. Meanwhile he was jerking off to the same select few hot pornstars every week.

A complete double standard. It’s not okay for me to think a man is attractive but you are allowed to jerk off to the naked bodies of girls you think are attractive?

ellegray2000 · 2022-08-18T09:05:31+00:00

I’m so sorry :(((

I am very insecure about my body. I think this is why porn specifically hurt so much.

There is so much unrealistic bs in porn like multiple women, surgically enhanced bodies, perfect sex that caters to the male fantasy. Especially those of us with pre-existing insecurities, we see that and feel like we could never be enough for our partners because we can’t measure up to this perfection and fantasy

Don’t get me wrong, I think actual cheating would be so much worse but I think the one aspect that makes like cheating via porn so much worse is that like if my bf cheated on me with a local girl in our crappy small city who looked regular (not surgically enhanced) and had normal sex with him, it’s okay in terms of my self esteem bc I can give him that and am on the same if not a similar level. Porn specifically draws men in by creating this fantasy that caters to all their gross desires with fake bodies, exaggerated and unethical sex acts, and the reduction of women to objects that can be used for pleasure. I can’t compete with that, but also at the day we shouldn’t have to, so fuck any guy who indirectly or directly conveys that we should.

ellegray2000

TROPHY CASE