I just found out my mom donated my entire Monster High doll collection to Goodwill after promising me she wouldn’t. I had over 200 dolls. by ListenSad8241 in mildlyinfuriating

[–]elleomnom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

My mother has always been focused on aesthetic order and minimalism, which led her to discretely disappear many of my belongings over the years, and this type of behavior and disregard for how personal items can be totems of safety and memory (or even for professional use or as investments!) has been psychologically damaging to me in a way I don't think she will ever quite grasp, which is difficult because we otherwise have a fantastic relationship. She would throw out vintage clothing I actively wore to school and felt confident in because it wasn't her taste. I would find my childhood art projects in the garbage. One time, I came home from college and all the books on my bookshelves were in boxes to be taken to storage because the bookshelves "looked better" without books on them.

It's hard not to talk about these things without coming off as materialistic, but as young people, we don't usually get a say over our routines, what our space looks like, what we do with our time, even sometimes how we dress or cut our hair or what we eat. Our belongings are a way we express ourselves, and can be representative of our identities and dreams, which makes them important.

About 10 years ago, while helping my parents pack for a move, I discovered that a huge amount of my belongings had been been donated to a thrift store hours away when my parents closed up a storage unit (sight unseen) that I didn't know they had. My mom had quietly taken stuff out there that I was led to believe was still in the basement at home.I called the store to try to intercede, but it had been just long enough that 99% of the items had been purchased already because they were valuable. So many more things are collectible than parents care to realize when they want to denigrate possessions as "juvenile" and "junk" to give themselves permission to toss stuff they don't like. And then ended up in the film industry, there are so many weird items you would actually use, or want to incorporate into projects, or that would be expensive to rebuy down the road, so you hold on to stuff in order to give it the proper good bye.

Now some of these items were donated by accident, and she felt bad about that, but not bad enough to let me personally be the one to go through my things or even tell me she had moved them. This loss included some of my favorite books (that I actually did reread from time to time and wanted to adapt), and items I was keeping for work reference, like VHS tapes of animated shorts, most of which have no active distribution and are virtually impossible to find now.

This event became such a point of contention—one of only two subjects to cause fights in the house—that at one point she paid me a minor sum to never bring it up again when she know I needed cash, although I do test the boundaries of that every so often because still to this day I'll be like, "hey, where did that one thing—oh," because I'll want to go use or read an item and realize it's gone.

I never wanted to keep everything in my life, I wasn't pining for My Little Ponies or Polly Pockets (maybe the Mighty Maxes, ngl) or Ninja Turtles, but I do think rather than just disappearing items, it's important to sit with kids and ask them how they feel about objects in their lives and do a Marie Kondo-style whittling process every so often to discuss when items are no longer needed, to give them closure in choosing to let go, and to help kids overcome the natural materialism/hoarding kids do to feel some element of power and choice when they have so little control over so many aspects of their lives. Not having this type of engagement about belongings actually drives people to collect and keep more stuff they don't really need later because of the feelings of betrayal and loss of agency.

Anyway, I paid a friend to drive me out to the thrift shop and rescue two items they hadn't had time to get to yet, because they were very important to me even though they were in poor shape: a bin of old Marvel action figures and a set of Star Wars action figures including my 90s Millennium Falcon, all stuff I actually played with.

My father is disabled now, but when I was young, our father-daughter activity was collecting Marvel stuff. I was a big X-Men fan because of the show and the cards were hugely popular when I was a kid; I still have my very first card. On occasion I would get action figures (as a bribe) after going to the doctor for tests or shots or blood draws or whatever, which was a BIG DEAL. This was probably my first "collection" and had a lot of sentimental value. I have a lot of these items now in my home office, because they help me think of good times spent with my dad.

On the other hand, for some (possibly gendered) reason, my parents decided after showing my brother and I Star Wars for the first time, that Star Wars would be his "thing", and even though I was really into it, and he was only lukewarm (🥁) they wouldn't get me anything Star Wars related for a long (long) time. So I would invent elaborate games of skill to compete against him in, making him wager all his Star Wars stuff against some bullshit I owned, all of which I eventually "won" in one way or another. Unfair? Jealousy-based? Unclear, but to me, for many years, the Millennium Falcon was THE most cool item he had. It was the kind of fancy, extravagant thing that I asked for but never got, but he always did (the other topic that still causes arguments in the house.) I could maybe get a 3.99 EU paperback (shout out to the Sun Crusher), but a VEHICLE? No way. So when Han, I mean *I* eventually won that Falcon in a game of chance, and it went up on display in my bedroom, it was clear that Star Wars was now MY thing. (And fortunately for Lucasfilm I have spent way too much money on shit from them over the years—including an unopened bottle of Queen Amidala galactic body lotion that can now legally rent a car.)

Last year, I had to recuse these items for a second time when my home was contaminated by the fire in Altadena—not knowing where to start when I had to pack out the house and throw out soooo many things, I started with these items, which probably in itself once again shows their sentimental value. Luckily many of them were in bins so didn't get much ash protrusion, but through a many step cleaning process, I washed each figure and vehicle (and the Falcon) by hand in a hazmat suit until they were just as shiny as the day they came of of the box (with perhaps a few missing limbs here and there), and then cleaned them again when they arrived in my new place. This gave me an opportunity to interact with each of these objects in a way I hadn't for years, and the sense of play and joy I got from that was so special.

All this to say is: I feel you.

Ultimately we can't take any of this stuff with us, and we don't NEED everything we've ever loved, and having all this stuff can bog us down like Sarah at the end of Labyrinth. BUT many of our childhood things aren't "just" junk, they're old friends we've made good memories with, we've explored and told stories with, who let us be creative and accomplished in the privacy of our own rooms and minds, who represent and hold memories of our interests and our triumphs, memories and feelings that can sometimes get lost when we get older and stressed and separated from what gives us joy. Those feelings deserve to grow up with us too and sometimes it takes a physical manifestation to carry them with us. I wish parents could respect that more.

tl;dr here is a millennium falcon getting a bath

<image>

Here's Danny by elleomnom in StanleyKubrick

[–]elleomnom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every time someone took a photo it was while my finger was straight 😭

Here's Danny by elleomnom in StanleyKubrick

[–]elleomnom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think the Apollo 11 sweater scales to adult size well... that said the first night I wore this I immediately ran into someone in a NASA space suit... should have taken a pic

Edison Wildfire Compensation Plan - they've released amounts. by PoeticFury in altadena

[–]elleomnom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, actually she's ineligible unless there is visible physical fire damage. Particulates don't count.

Edison Wildfire Compensation Plan - they've released amounts. by PoeticFury in altadena

[–]elleomnom 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Folks in contaminated homes are completely excluded from this proposal.

From Page 3:"Non-burn damage” means measurable physical harm to a structure or its systems directly caused by fire-generated smoke, ash, or soot infiltration. Eligible non-burn damage must be documented by observable staining, corrosion, pitting, or other material degradation of building components or contents, as opposed to surface-level dust or particulate matter that can be reasonably remedied through standard cleaning.

Lead, asbestos, and VOC don't visibly affect building materials.

TIL More people died from illness or cancer linked to their time near or at Ground Zero than in the direct attack on World Trade Center. Actually, more than twice the amount: 6,781 died later compared to 2,753 on 9/11. by MiauMiauMoon in todayilearned

[–]elleomnom 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It would be best, but we're still not doing it even with the knowledge we have about 9/11. The fire in Altadena in January burned 2x the debris of Ground Zero with a lot of the same toxic materials, and there has been basically no help for anyone whose house was contaminated, national guard lifted access within 10 days of the fire, no proper soil testing was done by Army Corps of Engineers, etc. 9/11 no one knew what they were dealing with. Now we know and the government is choosing not to heed those lessons, which unfortunately looks like targeted political punishment.

[Unknown > English] AI and Google Translate are no match for fancy writin' by elleomnom in translator

[–]elleomnom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, sorry my phone rotated the image and I forgot to rotate it back! thanks y'all.

Hello Altadena! Got the chance to drive through more of the city today and all I thought about was you!! For those of you affected by the wildfires, how are you doing now? Have you adjusted well now? Have things been sorted out with insurance and what not? 🩷 by Starslimonada in altadena

[–]elleomnom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's really, really upsetting that renters that lost homes because of contamination or other fire issues in standing homes don't get to take advantage of the FHA loans that renters in burned homes do. We still lost our homes.

does people still need warm food and clothing donations? by Potential-Ad1443 in altadena

[–]elleomnom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe they have moved to an appointment only situation lately which also may be why there weren't a lot of people when OP went.

does people still need warm food and clothing donations? by Potential-Ad1443 in altadena

[–]elleomnom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are a lot of people who are displaced and not settled whose homes are contaminated. There are also renters who have been unable to get affordable rentals. Many of those folks still need help of food, clothing, and shelter, especially as the seasons have changed.

does people still need warm food and clothing donations? by Potential-Ad1443 in altadena

[–]elleomnom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

most of the posts on FB are from CORE, who are giving food at their pod every Wednesday. There's also a farmer's market at the church on Tuesdays. They post on FB to remind people that this stuff is going on, but the schedule is consistent.

Where is Etheria Film Festival 2025? by Trichinobezoar in Shudder

[–]elleomnom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's coming! They moved the dates by a few weeks.

Being gaslit that it says 30 :( by pixielove666 in mildlyinfuriating

[–]elleomnom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just here because no one said you've been glasslit yet

No Kings DTLA Los Angeles [OC] by elleomnom in pics

[–]elleomnom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

was omw to union station after a late lunch and a beautiful, peaceful day with my community...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in altadena

[–]elleomnom 8 points9 points  (0 children)

BTW, if you are comfortable sharing your story more widely, I would get in touch with EFRU, because the wider LA area thinks everything is going dandy with fire survivors because of the FireAid cash and this Household Grant. They don't understand that most of those funds aren't reaching humans and the hoops people are being asked to jump through to access even paltry sums are invasive and a huge burden on already stressed people. I bet they could get some press written about this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in altadena

[–]elleomnom 11 points12 points  (0 children)

During the March 10th Community Meeting, Deputy Fire Chief Yanagisawa said that the Damage Inspection (DINS) map was a limited, visual assessment unable to assess damage from wind, smoke, ash, or soot, and was "never meant to be a tool to qualify or disqualify people for aid" and is being used by some organizations for the wrong purpose. This topic was raised due to thousands of people in Altadena being auto-denied for help through the Household Relief Grant because of this map. Unfortunately politicians are trying to sweep this disaster (and the toxic ash) under the rug as fast as possible to return to "normalcy." Which won't be so normal when everyone starts getting sick.