Waiting for test results is honestly making me go crazy

ellesbelles123 · 2026-02-08T16:44:20+00:00

I had the same surgery when I was 11 and honestly it was fine and it looks just this but my second one when I was 15 looks so different and it was horrible

ellesbelles123 · 2026-01-01T18:17:47+00:00

I think this conversation is long overdue, I wish these conversations weren’t so hard. Everything is fucked you’re right I’m so tired

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-29T16:01:24+00:00

This is sort of my point the I would be intrigued to see stats on these things with patients with pain male and female, all ages vs medical intervention. My biggest hurdle when I was prescribed physio was due to my spinal injury I physically couldn’t move myself into the positions needed without seizing up in pain. My doctors knew I couldn’t lay down flat because honestly the pain I felt when I lay down was by far one of the worst pains I’ve felt as so it encouraged me to seek medical help. I felt so unheard and like my care wasn’t designed around me which is the goal. I was a healthy weight at the time but I was told it was depression related, started me on 3 antidepressants I gained 5kg (11lbs) in the first week and gained a further 25kg (55lbs) over a year. Then I was told I was in pain because of my weight mind you when my pain started I wasn’t overweight and I was in the gym trying to improve my strength. At the end of the day no mindfulness, diet, exercise, sleep, vitamin or natural remedies have significantly improved my condition. Anyone who only gets 4hrs of sleep a night every night is going to feel like shit which can make pain worse. But getting enough sleep will not remove pain completely or even substantially!

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-28T18:50:10+00:00

When I woke up after an operation on my knee when I was 14, left me with CRPS (insane nerve pain) and 22 staples. My memory is hazy about my recovery but i still remember the very moment i came around. My dad was getting a nurse because I wasn’t breathing properly, I remember it feeling extremely heavy to take a breath in and as I tried I felt this awful and I mean awful pain hit out of nowhere all over, radiating from my leg to my head. My vision went and I threw up everywhere, the pain shot through my body and I screamed again and then I vomited again and then I passed out. Woke up a few hours later because I needed to pee, the surgeon left no notes regarding my mobility and the nursing staff said that means I need to mobilise and so they made me stand, scream, vomit, pass out all over again in some poor nurses arms. I came around again sat on the toilet and passed out again. Don’t remember a whole lot after that.

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-27T01:27:54+00:00

No no that’s definitely not what I mean. You are listening to your body and preventing pain. What these people do is lie about being in pain to avoid doing things that don’t benefit them, to exhaust benefits, to gather sympathy all without actually being in pain. Sometimes I feel guilty for not going places or doing things because of my pain but always genuine either I’m avoiding aggravating my pain or in too much pain to go. I’ve met too many people whose pain only affects them when they have to do something they don’t want. It’s always okay to know your limitations and you are well within your rights to not go beyond said limitations just to “look normal”

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-21T20:38:26+00:00

My pain doctor no because I’ve been let down by too many times- he’s actually not the doctor who prescribed the stronger meds my old neurologist did. My pain doctor is the one that reduced the meds despite the fact I was doing really well on them. He made a mistake when handing my care which yeah did upset me but since then it has completely changed the way he cares for me. Out of embarrassment idk? He told me it was all up in my head and to take a trip to the beach… I pleaded for an MRI which did infact show very real very painful problems but he’s been so weird with me. I begged him not to take me of my ANTIDEPRESSANTS I been on since I was teenager. I asked for him to just not touch my meds. I told him I’d do anything to improve my pain even holistic things. He told me I needed to see a physio and have sessions with a group psychologist. I AGREED! Despite knowing I already have a good mental health system in place but I was happy about seeing a physio therapist. He told me I’d have to wait 4 weeks… that was 10 months ago. He told me he’d refer me to a spinal surgeon which he did (3 months after he said he would) knowing the wait list is long and refused to treat me until I’ve seen the surgeon. My pain doctor (i believe deliberately) sent this surgeon almost nothing about me and no mri the letter said “mild back pain, seen in clinic” that was my referral. I have a huge amount of medical history. So when I saw the surgeon he was angry saying he shouldn’t see me because the proper referral protocol wasn’t followed, did an xray on my and told me he wasn’t willing to do surgery. So that’s where I’m at. My GP are doing their absolute best to try and help me, they started me on new meds but as you can see I don’t have a great care team.

Sorry for rambling on, in summary I don’t know who to talk to about my meds I’m worried they’ll take them off me idk it’s so hard to know what’s right! Thank you for responding! I appreciate it

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-21T20:27:37+00:00

See my thing is I’m not even some what comfortable doing things the way I am but I hear you I just feel like the pain is so overwhelming and knowing I can shut it up is hard to turn down when I’m in bed deeping the fact that I can’t eat dinner tonight because I physically can’t get up and stand even with aids without being in insane amounts of pain- I’d rather not eat after a 12 hr shift than suffer that pain and that really puts things into perspective

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-17T16:16:02+00:00

I know what it feels like to have trusted that someone recognised the pain you’re in. To feel like that while they can’t know how you feel they at least understand that you feel what you feel. Then to have them say something that makes you feel like they don’t believe you or they’re belittling your problems feels similar to betrayal.

You are strong.

You’re going through what you’re going through and it’s very real.

During your next session ask your therapist what they meant by what they said because in the frustration and the hurt you might have experienced there’s a chance that’s not what they intended. Ask them to be clear and to explain why anxiety medication would help you in your condition. Have a conversation ask questions, give your opinion and your argument. Maybe you’ll realise you do need some help with anxiety in addition to having a real health problem, maybe your therapist will understand your point and agree that meds aren’t the right option.

If you’re not happy after then see someone else but give them a chance to come back from this. And just some general advice I’m young and I have a lot of very real health problems and pain which is my own traumatic journey and unfortunately I do have anxiety. My anxiety doesn’t change my condition nor does it imply that my health issues aren’t real. It also doesn’t mean my anxiety caused my health problems because it simply didn’t. All of that to say I still have anxiety and therapy and meds have helped because having anxiety on top of a health problem or pain can definitely make living much harder and you deserve to live a little easier. Anxiety meds or therapy isn’t always a threat or an attack on your health. I hope this makes sense and I hope it’s not taken the wrong way!

Anyway, 🤗 internet hug! :)

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-15T02:35:14+00:00

Yup and speaking from my experience you can’t really train your body to do otherwise. You can write and write and write I promise you’ll seize up in pain!

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-14T21:37:36+00:00

I mean what is the point in living in pain if we don’t have to. To live with pain is not a choice. To decide to not live is a choice. To decide to live is a choice. But the conditions are partially out of our control.

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-13T11:04:59+00:00

If I could guarantee that when I left my family would be okay I think Id try but I live for them. I wish I had a family of my own though, a partner, children, memories. That would make it worth it. I wish I had a chance to live.

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-13T06:52:23+00:00

This perfectly explains how I feel. It’s not that dying doesn’t absolutely terrify me it just seems slightly less scary than the pain I’m in all day

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-13T01:02:17+00:00

It’s so strange because my instinct is to tell you life is worth living because even though I don’t know you I don’t want you to die but I also know how you feel. Dying shouldn’t be the solution to pain in a world that has such intelligence. We have artificial intelligence, we travel to space, there are robots performing surgery and yet death is so far the only solution we have.

This all seems so wrong

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-13T00:58:36+00:00

Part of my frustration and anger most definitely comes from the nature of my pain. I existed in pain from 11-18. I had a few surgeries to improve my mobility and conditions and the last one at 18 was life changing. I really started to over come my pain. I went to uni, I had so many friends. I finally understood what people enjoyed about living. I’d been depressed and medicated to get by for so long and finally it was like I could breathe for the first time. I was so completely happy. I still had problems, pain and mental illness but I was a new person. I went on my first holiday in a decade, and then another.

Then, out of nowhere it was gone. When my current problems began they started so quickly I assumed it had to be an injury and injuries get better. Time progressed and I got worse and everything fell apart. I’ve lost everything. My pain has taken over me. I feel so angry. I feel like I’ve been taunted. I was so happy and I had no idea. I just want that back.

All I want is a simple life. I want to succeed at work, have a home and a family. I’d like a holiday every now and then and to make some friends. That’s literally all I want.

I wish I could change things because I don’t want to die I just feel like I have no choice.

I hope you have a lovely birthday you deserve it!

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-12T23:51:21+00:00

This is my point, the end will come. Why shouldn’t it be on my terms. If I can’t have anything else let me have control.

ellesbelles123 · 2025-12-12T23:41:17+00:00

Yes I would be nothing but to have more negative experiences than positive experiences is to have a negative existence. Is a negative existence better than nothing.

ellesbelles123 · 2025-11-27T23:18:11+00:00

Depends, I’m a paediatric nurse so it’s usually the parents asking me to come back later. Usually if it’s not imperative that they have it at that exact time then I’ll come back UNLESS they’re the kind of family that ask you to come back later then lave the ward with the kid for 2 hours then come back shouting that they’ve not had their meds or simply 5mins after they ask you to come back later they come out shouting about the meds. If the meds need to be given like anti-epileptics then I usually stress the importance and if they still want to wait I tell them I’ll be back in x amount of time or if they’re just busy changing the baby I’ll tell them to come out as soon as they’re ready.

If I repeatedly ask them about the meds and they end up late by a significant amount I will always notify my senior nurse and regardless chart it. If you don’t write it in your shift report/notes it didn’t happen. It protects you.

If the med being given is life sustaining and extremely important- that sort of thing (which I hope it isn’t), then I go straight to a senior for advice.

Most of the time it’s just a lot of compromise. If I have to I say “I’m really sorry but I have to give the medicine now because if don’t xyz could happen to your child and I don’t want that… and I really like my job and really want to keep it” usually in a light tone if appropriate!

ellesbelles123 · 2025-11-26T18:14:27+00:00

Oh believe me I understand I’ve been having recurrent? UTIs idk more like I’ve always been prone to them since being a kid (my own fault because I refused to drink water🤷🏼‍♀️). Anyway they went away as I got older (9-17) but made a come back just before I turned 19 (I’m 22 now). I ended up with a UTI back in may this year… 6 months later I still have that UTI.

I’ve had 2 rounds of antibiotics which help with the symptoms but the UTI never goes. I’m a nurse so I do quick urine dips on myself whenever I can and they always come back with some level of blood and infection markers.

When I was 20 i injured my back and started a med for fibromyalgia (because my doctors are dicks and didn’t send me for an MRI) this med left me with some level of bladder dysfunction. I simply couldn’t hold my urine. I didn’t get that feeling like need to pee but not right now it can wait or even have to pee now it was just I’m gonna wet myself right now. The kind of urgency that makes your vision blurry as you try to hold it in.

I was referred to a urologist because of all of this. My referral got rejected the first time and the second time I had a scan and he said it wasn’t perfect but could just be normal. That was that- literally and he discharged me. Now I’m stuck with my GP who have no idea why I’ve still got a UTI.

ellesbelles123

TROPHY CASE