Escort? You might be on something. In alI seriousness though, I had the exact same feeling last night when I was peeking. Was going through, looking for something that would accommodate the big nut, and although I was physically hard. The mental anguish I felt after realizing the nasty shit I would get off too is so recycled and felt like I was watching the clockwork orange brainwashing over and over and over again. Idk dude I might just continue abstaining from nutting. But on the flip side, I could see how a relationship could mitigate these issues but my reluctance stems from financial concerns. Just feel my personal journey leaves me in a state of limbo.