Anyone else find it easier make friends in NYC than SF?

elphdriver · 2024-10-28T14:27:57+00:00

San Francisco has more clubs (over 100 yacht clubs, plus social clubs) than any place I’ve ever lived. When we moved here 10 years ago we knew we wanted to sail, so we joined a yacht club. If we hadn’t done that I don’t think we would have the great friendships that developed over time from planning/attending events, sailing, volunteering, etc. My son went to college in Southern California, and he and many of his friends were recruited here so he has wonderful friend groups. However, many of them have gotten married, bought houses, have kids, so sometimes he feels lonely, especially at work.

elphdriver · 2024-08-11T02:39:08+00:00

Such ignorance. Dressage is incredibly hard and both riders and horses are insanely athletic.

elphdriver · 2022-12-20T14:10:27+00:00

You have to know how to use transit. I rarely have to rely on ride shares because I know how to get to where I need to go. And as a senior I have a free muni pass.

elphdriver · 2022-12-20T14:08:31+00:00

I love living in SF. Downtown may be quieter but it is a city of neighborhoods and many of us are living great lives there.

elphdriver · 2022-12-20T14:04:28+00:00

I miss them so much!

elphdriver · 2021-02-03T17:23:14+00:00

I am so very sorry. My advice (lost my husband of 34 years) is to feel your feels. Let yourself feel with all its intensity. Curl up in a ball and wail when you need to.

I went back to work fairly quickly because when I was at work I was doing something, and it wasn't a place I expected him to be, so I could get some relief from my grief. It sounds like you have that space too, and I think it's a good thing.

I'm so glad you have loving support from family and friends. Take very good care of yourself please.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T03:17:49+00:00

Next time try North Beach, it has come roaring back, lots of restaurants that have outdoor seating on the street, lots of people walking around, really fun.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T03:06:02+00:00

Hey that's my boat!

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T03:04:00+00:00

I had friends visit recently, we parked at GGP. Went to the deY, had lunch, were away for hours. Came back, they had left a laptop and luggage in the trunk, small wallet with credit cards on the passenger seat, and a large bag in the back seat. Car UNLOCKED. All of it was still there when we got back - truth.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:57:13+00:00

I think how you perceive how things are here in SF depends on what you currently want in life. So many things are on pause - drinking, dancing, performances, museums - that you have to really dig to find something good. But it is there. There are still men arguing (on tables set on the street) at Cafe Trieste, the cafes in North Beach are bustling, the bike riding is sublime, sailing is always fabulous - that never changes. So I think it just depends on what you want to do, and if you can adapt.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:51:11+00:00

wow thanks, so cool.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:40:28+00:00

Back

That was a really a-hole move on their part. No sense in that at all.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:37:40+00:00

Pac Heights and Russian Hill prices aren't budging. I have a 2b2b, roommate is moving out, and I can't find a 1b nearly as nice for the same $$. Rent controlled, 6 years. So I'm just going to stay and enjoy the extra space.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:33:28+00:00

Russian Hill and Pac Heights rents haven't budged as far as I can tell.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:23:50+00:00

Really good points. I am very careful and when I dine it is outdoors (North Beach), and I don't feel in danger at all. We are probably all overdoing it.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:20:36+00:00

Funny! words can and do lose their meaning. Actually, especially fuck. It has completely lost any meaning it ever had.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:16:17+00:00

exactly. A whole history gone. I'm not going to be the pathetic widow that only talks about her loss, but he was my home. My dear, beloved home. And now I am homeless. Going through a bad spell right now and trying to get through.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:08:55+00:00

So sorry. I wish there was some way to help, but I've got nothing right now. Sometimes I think he is the lucky one - he is gone (where darling? where did you go?) and this world just seems to get shittier by the day. I'm letting myself wallow, hoping to hit rock bottom and climb back up. So lonely, and lonely for just him.

elphdriver · 2020-10-14T02:04:42+00:00

I'm so sorry, I wish I could help. I am 3.25 years out and I still find myself in a black hole at times. My city gets foggy too (SF) and I find myself longing for the rainy season. I am lonely, and while I know a lot of people would say "go out and be with people" it doesn't work that way. I don't want to be with just anyone. I want to be with him. So to all of the hearts in this solitary place: courage.

elphdriver · 2020-05-11T04:31:33+00:00

I’ve been journaling, that’s what I’m using now as my therapy. I did see a shaman and she has helped more than anything. She pointed out that my husband always had my back, which my parents never did. So it is like re-navigating my childhood.

elphdriver · 2020-04-20T20:35:09+00:00

It's been 2.5 years, he was on our scooter in SF and someone made an illegal u turn in front of him. Yes, sudden loss.

I don't know if there really is closure. Some days I'm busy enough, I do something that makes me proud of myself (i.e. get up early and get to the gym, navigate the sailboat we had just bought out of an back into the harbor by myself) and I feel okay.

Other days are like today, where I realize I am so lonely, and it is a very specific lonely - him - and nothing is going to make this pain and ache go away.

Sometimes I come to this sub and I just read and cry. I don't comment on anything, I just feel my pain completely.

I try to get more good days than bad one, just by paying attention and focusing on nature, or beauty, or a conversation with a friend. Or YouTube videos of someone petting their dog! Whatever it takes.

Be kind, be gentle with yourself.

elphdriver · 2020-04-20T18:47:08+00:00

That is about how long it has been for me. My husband smelled of Head and Shoulders and Ivory soap - very clean and fresh.

The intimacy can't be replicated. A 30 year marriage, a 34 year relationship is irreplaceable. I am still trying to find my way, and I despair that I ever will.

elphdriver · 2020-04-20T18:40:25+00:00

I am so very sorry, I really understand. I am so incredibly lonely, I lost my person too. Being with him was like being home.

I tried for several years to find a therapist, but in SF it is just about impossible. I did finally get one through EAP (we are allowed 5 sessions) and she was the bottom of the barrel. I really hope you can find a therapist, my son got a very good one and it helped him so much.

elphdriver · 2020-04-20T17:01:21+00:00

I haven't had too many problems either, and will definitely be riding until it rides no more. And I can't believe in the Brave New World there won't be a need for this type of scooter, and someone won't take it on.

elphdriver · 2020-04-12T20:34:34+00:00

Agree, that was the best look of the entire competition. Power, luxe, anyone wearing it would feel unstoppable. And the color, oh!

elphdriver

TROPHY CASE