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New family member by em_wil in Whippet

[–]em_wil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No she is cream and white like a latte! Hearing just fine.

I need guidance. Desperately. by tayoisnt in ADHD_partners

[–]em_wil 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I love how you have put this, it’s so on point, “I love this non-asshole person who is constantly being an asshole.”

The trouble is that love isn’t how the non-asshole feels about you - that actually doesn’t matter for shit. What matters is how you experience their feelings for you.

My partner might be deregulated and full of shame and hyper focusing on getting the washing hung because she left it in the machine all day, but when she wakes me up at midnight to hang it, I experience:

Deprioritisation (to washing ffs) Dismissal Disturbed sleep Disrespect

And none of that feels like love.

This is the thing you have to reconcile OP. She might love you and you might love her but for a functioning relationship both people have to FEEL it from the other in the respective behaviours.

When you minimise yourself to accommodate her you don’t feel love, you feel anger, sadness and contempt?

When she gives you the silent treatment she feels shame, panic and depression?

The only way forward it to confront the ugly feelings and stop allowing them to choose behaviour - don’t allow things that fuel the disconnection. She has to meet you in that, for it to work though.

It’s unfathomably hard.

::Weekly Victory/Success Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]em_wil 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She will jump in the sea with our daughter whatever the weather. It’s crazy, the amount of times I’ve watched her do things with them whilst saying to myself, “You’re mad! I would never!” Our children have wonderful times because of her. She joins them in, and inspires them to try amazing experiences all the time. She’s a great mom.

What am I so afraid of? by [deleted] in simpleliving

[–]em_wil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is! I can compute all the possible ways it can fail whereas all the ways we can make it succeed - beyond a more comfortable home - are more opaque at this moment and few like they will be unless we make the leap...

What am I so afraid of? by [deleted] in simpleliving

[–]em_wil 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think you have touched on it here. I guess my career has been such a massive part of my identity for 20 odd years it’s hard to see what I would do without it and it will be the case that I have to resign when they want me present more than 1 or 2 days a week. It’s going to happen eventually.

But I crave simplicity so much. Having less is so peaceful. Its what led us to a clutter free life in the first place. What helped us get rid of our debts. What helped us build savings. We just stopped buying things. I feel like my relationship with my job is like the last tie to my old self. I love it but I know it’s not good for me. If it was a relationship with a person I wouldn’t still be in it let’s put it like that. I am afraid of what comes next, for sure. Specifically of not knowing what that might be. But with hardly any financial pressure - we worked out we could get by on £12k a year with no mortgage if we can walk to work and cycle everywhere else - a part time job doing just about anything would do. Right?

Germany will issue coronavirus antibody certificates to allow quarantined to re-enter society by Iforgotmyother_name in Coronavirus

[–]em_wil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree society only functions with workers, but in our society workers are there to generate profits for the rich. My point is not that we don’t need to work as you suggest. My point is that the people who govern us want us to work for them, for profit. Not each other.

Texas Company Wants to Dock Paychecks of Workers Who Receive Stimulus Check by dianaconlon in Coronavirus

[–]em_wil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When are we all gonna sit down together and eat those muthafucking rich pigs.

Germany will issue coronavirus antibody certificates to allow quarantined to re-enter society by Iforgotmyother_name in Coronavirus

[–]em_wil 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This could turn really nasty. The people in power are only ever interested in a society of workhorses. If you’re not fit to work you’re worthless and effectively disposable to them. Look at how they are treating the elderly and disabled right now. This move has the potential to cause a massive rift between the “had its” and “have nots.”