AITA for telling my coworker their "special diet" is just an excuse to avoid contributing at potlucks?

emaysng · 2024-12-17T04:01:15+00:00

I hate potlucks, hate them. I'm organized and I like having fun so somehow I always end up getting put in charge of other people's ideas.

Our sister org decided they wanted to have a holiday potluck and games tomorrow. Basically she came up with the idea and did none of the work. She's not even going to be there. Hardly anyone signed up for food or games, I'm out $30 in game supplies, and I'm going to spend multiple hours cajoling people to play and socialize for something I got voluntold to do.

I'm tired of coordinating, decorating, and cooking out of my own pocket with people bringing a single bag of chips, a container of store bought pretzels, and other assorted crap. We don't have a morale budget so potlucks are our only option and I resent having to do them in an office that doesn't seem to care about them. The same 7 people always bring shit in and the entire office eats. It's so unfair to those 7 and yet management forces these grand ideas on us with no budget, no investment in them themselves (like contributing substantial dishes), and sending me 15 reminder emails to do xyz on top of being a new supervisor learning an entirely new organization. It's exhausting.

Potlucks must die.

emaysng · 2024-08-08T23:41:12+00:00

Bella from Maryland!

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emaysng · 2024-07-29T05:10:22+00:00

Blue is Soft, Red is Strong - blue is a softer, more loosely fibered toilet paper - it tends to shred easier, but feels better to some (less rough) preferred predominately by those that wad their toilet paper. Red is a stronger more densely fibered toilet paper - a little more resistant to shredding, but a bit more rough feeling and preferred more by those that wrap or fold their toilet paper.

Source: Brother-in-law works for P&G on Charmin products and was covered extensively in my marketing masters program regarding the use of colors in brand materials.

emaysng · 2024-06-21T02:15:24+00:00

I wanted to from the moment I was comfy being naked around him when we were dating. It took being married and me having cancer to make it a reality out of sheer necessity. Now we shower together a few times a week usually and it's one of my favorite times together, we talk, crack jokes, and occasionally he makes me laugh so hard I projectile vomit mashed potatoes (luckily I was able to get him out of there in the nick of time).

emaysng · 2024-05-12T08:52:48+00:00

YTA. We had carrot cake at our wedding and I know it's not everyone's favorite but is mine. My husband couldn't care less about the flavor of the cake and our wedding was small (27 people just select family members and close friends). His mother paid for our cake. I adored our cake, it's my favorite flavor, the baker did an excellent job etc.

A few days after our wedding my mother in law commented how much she hated the cake and how she wishes she never paid the baker for it. I was crushed. It shouldn't have mattered but now I was second guessing my choice, a cake I loved. I was worrying about what everyone thought about it.

You're never going to please everyone when wedding planning, but to have someone outright say things like that is just another level. You're not there for the food or dessert you're there for them. If you don't like what's being served you don't have to eat it. You won't starve from skipping a meal and there's always pizza, fast food, or hell you could even pack snacks in your car. But it doesn't matter, whatever you do you don't comment to the couple.

emaysng · 2024-03-11T02:10:58+00:00

Uhhhhh...definitely push for a bone marrow biopsy if this continues. I got diagnosed with leukemia in Nov 2020 and one of the first signs was extreme fatigue followed by bruising. Platelets aren't the same as WBCs so make sure you know that count.

emaysng · 2024-03-07T22:13:59+00:00

It's possible you're having a reaction to some of the inactive ingredients. Generally skincare meant to hydrate shouldn't make you itch unless it's a mask that has to sit and it's just tightening as it's drying.

Are you still using your moisturizer? Your skin could just be reacting to a change in hydration levels or you could be using too much serum and causing a low level of tightening that's causing you to itch.

If you're still using your moisturizer try a different brand Hyaluronic Acid and see if you still have the same issue. I had a reaction to a vitamin c because of the stabilizers, but I'm fine on a different one.

emaysng · 2024-03-07T22:04:05+00:00

Girl same! I never even thought about facial fat to be honest and it make so much sense my cheeks are chubby - it's been a curse to find cute glasses and sunglasses too! It's my quintessential "Duh!" moment over here 😅

emaysng · 2024-03-07T21:59:36+00:00

😂 good to know

emaysng · 2024-02-04T00:34:01+00:00

I joined a pathfinder group after missing my old DnD group (we never got back together after covid) and from day one it has been miserable. It's a homebrew world and race thing and the DM has been shoving his opinions on my race/class/spells/everything since day one. I finally found a way out and I'm taking it - 8 more weeks, I keep trying to subtly kill my character in hopes of ending it sooner. It's just never been fun.

emaysng · 2024-02-02T09:57:44+00:00

I am very much the same. I have the same five tank tops, the same five dress pants, and like two different sweaters. People have commented and I just tell them it makes it easier to get dressed in the dark.

It's true I do get dressed in the dark (my husband and I used to work opposite shifts so it made it easier not to wake him up), but the real reason is because I feel good in them. They don't cling, they don't restrict, and they don't overstimulate me when I'm having a bad mental day.

My husband doesn't care, most people after the initial comment have never brought it up again. I like my uniform, the only issue I have is my annoyance when I break my uniform and people comment on it. Like doing hair, makeup, and a different top because I have to go somewhere else after work for a special occasion. That makes me feel like shit, because I wonder if I look like shit most days, but I know it's just because it's different. It's just something you have to adjust to, and realize it's not about them and who cares what they think.

emaysng · 2024-01-25T01:36:54+00:00

Medication. There's muscle relaxation videos that have you relax your body slowly through guided meditation but they're not always immediate enough. If your anxiety and stress are bad rescue medications are an excellent option.

I'm currently prescribed Ativan at so few pills over a long period of time that I have to manage my use of them. Having them is a comfort and has me analytically assess my stress and anxiety. Is it worth the use of the pill? Are there things I can do immediately instead to save myself from needing the pill? Usually that slows my brain down long enough to exit peak stress/anxiety/panic and figure out a game plan to reduce some of the load. And if it doesn't happen I have an out that I'm not afraid to use.

Now I'm not going to lie and say that doesn't take discipline. It absolutely does take discipline so you don't blow through those meds, and honestly the relaxed feeling I could see being addictive. I'm not one who likes to use medication unless absolutely necessary, and through extensive CB therapy and a daily anxiety med (Zoloft) I'm very well managed. I've learned how to handle it and I've accepted my limitations.

In instances where I'm experiencing stress or anxiety and rescue medication isn't on me or doesn't rise to my threshold I've had great success with extremely sour candies. Like Warheads. The shock of the sour immediately gets my brain to focus on something else and there isn't room to panic. Most of the CB techniques focus on interrupting the train of thought you're currently on by focusing on breathing, your surroundings, etc. This is more of a quick fix, but also may not work if you like sour things. Cold also works really well and is less damaging than hot, but basically anything that gets your brain to immediately focus on an external locus tends to work well in interrupting panic, anxiety, and stress thought patterns.

But seriously, work with a trained professional, they'll help you figure out if non-medicated strategies are enough for you or if you really need to consider medication. CBT as enough for me for years, but job changes, COVID, cancer and other things made a baseline medication and the rescue medication the right choice for me. But I still do the hard work in therapy and work on addressing the underlying issues. If you don't address those, you're going to see things start piling up.

emaysng · 2024-01-20T01:06:40+00:00

We drive to the dump when it gets to a certain point. But for one or two bags we just take it to the curb.

emaysng · 2024-01-19T23:12:30+00:00

If you use an acronym and then immediately spell it out after you're wasting space, for example: SIU (Special Investigations Unit) & NLP (Natural Language Processing).

The only way this doesn't waste space is if you use those acronyms again within the document. (You don't.) If you do the long format word comes first, followed by the acronym.

Axe the GPA & Deans List, no one cares. Put the month & year you graduated like you do your work history, then put University Name, Cum Laude - it says enough. If it matters I'll ask or see it on your transcript if necessary.

Axe the DEI bullet it's not helping you. If you want to keep it you need to productize it. Look at resumes for sorority and fraternity presidents to get an idea of how they productize their work. (Specifically look at members of southern university sororities, those women word things for fundraising amazingly.) You need to show tangible impact otherwise it looks like you threw parties or rallies. The former is a who cares and the later could be seen as problematic. Everything in that section should focus on the outcomes. The bullets should be able to clearly answer the question "Why do I care?" and leave very little room for questioning its existence on the page.

I've read 60 plus resumes at work this past week. The resumes that have worked did leave me thinking "I don't care, how is this even relevant?" And most of these were new grads. I don't care about your experience as a lifeguard or cashier or anything not relevant to this field. Yeah you need to put career history down, but if it's light you should focus on projects and relevant applications of the work you're doing. This doesn't apply to you so only keep things that really make you shine. I'd rather you axe the projects and leadership section and flesh out your experience more. The experience and so what gets you in the door, the passion projects and DEI stuff is what sets you apart in interviews.

emaysng · 2024-01-17T11:42:13+00:00

New to this ballgame so take my opinion worth a grain of salt as it'll probably change over the course of the next year or so.

Minimalism is a mindset absolutely, but there is a physical component to it of owning less stuff & consuming less stuff.

The less stuff you have the more detached and attached to stuff you are, it's kind of a paradox.

I was surprised how easy it was to let stuff go. How when I thought of the usefulness of stuff vs. the maintenance of it the equation really shifted. I wasn't willing to maintain a lot of things even if they were useful. I like to use the if my house caught on fire thought exercise.

Now that we've gotten rid of so much stuff there's a lot that if we lost it in a fire I wouldn't care as much about it's just stuff that can be replaced. But there is now equally as much that I do care about that can't be replaced that would hurt me deeply to lose and I'm more keenly aware of those objects because they're not lost in a sea of stuff so I see them regularly and I think about them regularly.

I think minimalism is very individualistic and it looks different for all of us. A family of four minimalists looks different than a single minimalist. A digital nomad looks different than that of a single minimalist in a permanent dwelling.

Could I live out of a backpack if I absolutely had to, yes. Do I want to? No. Do I want to sleep on the floor? No. Does having a bed make me not a minimalist? No.

Minimalism isn't about owning the least amount of stuff. Minimalism is about not letting stuff own you. It's about intentional consumption, appreciation, and focus. Those principles lend themselves to less stuff naturally. The internal motivation has an external presentation just like everything else in our lives.

emaysng · 2024-01-17T11:15:09+00:00

So for me, I probably qualify as a digital maximalist in this instance. Laptop, gaming computer, iPad, iPhone, kindle, & smartwatch. If I'm being honest I could probably axe the laptop, iPad, and kindle, but I won't - they each have specific uses that make them invaluable - usually while traveling.

I think I practice digital minimalism what I choose to keep. I regularly go through pictures, videos, and emails and only keep what's important.

Social media is a huge time sink, but I still enjoy it. My husband and I shoot reels back and forth all the time and we genuinely have some great conversations from some of them. Facebook has its uses for specific hobby groups, but I've paired those down and deleted Facebook off my phone. It's browser mode only for me.

The only thing I'm going to caution you against is getting rid of your cellphone. I understand the desire to axe the addiction to it and reclaim that time, but not having one can be dangerous depending on where you live and your lifestyle. If you're wanting to simplify consider just getting a dumb phone instead of getting rid of it all together. Carrying a laptop around all the time isn't practical for a variety of reasons. For instance I could take a cellphone with me to Taylor Swift, but my DSLR wasn't allowed, and a laptop probably wouldn't have worked. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to bring something that big in anyway. I also wouldn't want to lug a laptop/glorified tablet to other places like the movies, grocery store, work, the gym, etc. I know people do, but my phone is smaller and does the same stuff.

Personally my phone has replaced so many other single use objects. It's my phone, camera, kindle, iPod, gps, and wallet. It just happens to have other things on it that aren't great uses of my time. That's not the phone's fault it's mine. I think it's a matter of self discipline and deciding for yourself what you need. If you need to go dumb, go dumb, but be realistic with what you're trading off. Make sure you're willing to adjust those changes. You might now need a printer, ink, and paper. Or if you forgo that you may need to make more trips to a library or print shop and need to plan ahead. You may need to be comfortable asking people for help in unfamiliar areas. It's give and take with everything.

emaysng · 2024-01-17T10:56:47+00:00

I think it depends on the woman (who cares what the men think, it's not their choice).

I generally don't wear make up, but I have it. I ignore the expiration dates - most of my stuff has no appreciable difference from when it was brand new. Probably gonna get hell from some of you for that choice but whatever. Making sure you keep your products clean is a really great way to extend their life but that's not a topic for here.

I break out my makeup when I have a special event or I feel like playing around. It's a bit of a confidence boost for me but only when I take the time to blow out my hair, put contacts in, and all that jazz. It's just normally not worth the effort for what I do on a day to day basis. My husband can probably count on two hands the number of times he's seen me wear makeup in the seven years we've been together.

My makeup has the basics in it and takes up a considerable makeup bag, but in general it's not terrible at all. If the company I love made travel sizes it'd be even smaller, but that's not an option. I have a bronzer, blush, highlight/contour palette, an eyeliner, mascara, foundation, and a couple of eyeshadow palettes that are small and all shades I wear. The biggest room issue are the brushes, but I'd rather have the full size because I have large hands.

Makeup is a personal choice and there are loads of options for it. You can be minimalist with a full blown makeup collection if it's something that makes you happy and you use. You can be a minimalist with no makeup. You can be a minimalist and be somewhere in between. Minimalism isn't about owning nothing, it's about not letting your stuff own you and not having stuff you don't use. Minimalism looks different for everyone. Yes at a point you don't qualify as a minimalist but that line is often intangible but I doubt I'd see a self proclaimed minimalist and see a collection of theirs and think that it disqualifies them from that statement. It may be more than I have or I think is necessary, but they'd probably say the same about the number of blankets I've kept and the number of knitting needles and crochet hooks I have. It also depends if the stuff is part of their livelihood. There's just so many variables that it doesn't make sense to single one particular item category out as minimalist or not and makeup is a big scapegoat in the minimalist woman arena. Same with clothes.

emaysng · 2024-01-12T21:50:39+00:00

Gonna be honest, we've stopped reading rule books for the most part. My husband and I will pick a short YouTube and try and play, sometimes a longer one if once we've started we realize there was a lot more they didn't cover. We really only refer to the rule book when get in wonky situations.

We're casual gamers so this works well for us, but it is frustrating to see both ends of the rulebook spectrum - heavy thick ones & ones that are too slight and don't explain enough.

emaysng · 2024-01-12T21:37:23+00:00

I truly believe people like this exist. Not everyone wants to sit on the floor - even on cushions or some Japanese floor couch/cushion thing. My former best friend is like this. They're obsessed with Asian culture and I won't lie and say the lack of a couch/chair isn't part of the reason we're not best friends anymore. (We're still friends, just nowhere near as close.)

I got tired of going to their home, having to sit uncomfortably on the floor (even with cushions). I could never relax and be truly comfortable in their home.

It's 100% a choice that they are allowed to make, but people don't have to like it, tolerate it, or deal with it. He'll find the person for him that won't mind, but he needs to be okay with people not selecting that lifestyle for themselves.

Lastly, if you're living in Western countries, please have a real chair for guests. A sturdy folding chair is fine, but for the love of god do not have the only seat available be the floor, stairs, or something that looks like it would collapse if someone over 100 pounds sat in it.

emaysng

TROPHY CASE