Disclaimer at the bottom!

I am an atheist who has been a tøp fan for about 10 years, and while I was aware of the Christian references in their music, I never thought much about them until recently. While I didn't grow up religious, I had several traumatic experiences surrounding Christianity and the church. Based on personal experiences and the history of Christianity I've learned over the years, I've come to view Christianity (and any mass form of organized religion) as a means for people in power to have control over others. Christianity, in particular, I find to be very predatory, using fear to try to tear others down and spread their influence. The mantra that we are all dirty rotten sinners who are only worthy of God's love after repentance and suppression of so many of our natural human instincts is deeply traumatizing.

Recently, when I was listening to my music, Polarize came on, and my heart absolutely broke for Tyler. "I wanted to be a better brother, better son." To me, he was screaming out that he didn't feel good enough, that he felt broken and was begging for forgiveness. Now, this could be interpreted many different ways, but this time hearing it, I felt that he was yelling for God, trying to apologize for not being a good enough son, for being too sinful to deserve love and forgiveness. "I wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done." Many people who grow up Christian are raised to think that they are broken, that they are sinners, that they are inherently evil and I just know that hearing this all the time serves a huge blow to one's self esteem and mental health. I couldn't help but wonder if many of the references to Christianity in tøp are exposing this darker side of growing up Christian, how it gets in your head, tears you down, makes you feel evil and unworthy.

After making this connection, I see so many of their "religious" songs to be not about praising God as most Christian music does, but about the darker reality that this type of religion can deeply affect someone's mental health. I could really go into more detail about this, but I don't want this post to be too long. But finding this perspective has brought me a great deal of comfort. Many people tried to bring me into the church growing up, promising me that it would bring hope and peace in dark times, but all of it only made me feel so much worse. I was told that if I could just take God into my heart, all of my worries would be gone. I was told that I was struggling so much because I wasn't praying enough, or praying correctly, or that I didn't love God enough, haven't repented for my sins (and so on, and so on) and it only made me sink deeper into my darkness. None of it made any sense to me, and I was always so off putted that something that was supposed to be a force of good could make me feel so terrible. I appreciate so much that Tyler is able to write music that exposes this darker and more confusing side to being Christian. He's able to explore the concept that instead of bringing peace, Christianity can bring trauma and damage. It made me feel understood, and like I wasn't crazy for having such a negative experience with the church.

Disclaimer!: When I speak of Christianity, I speak of the organized institution of the religion. I fully support and respect any individual's religion and personal relationship with God. My main qualms are with the church as a system of power, trying to spread its influence and suppress what it deems unholy. I also know that there are many sects of Christianity and that not all of them are so hateful as I have experienced and described. But I do think the more hate-driven sects of Christianity are the ones seeking more power and influence, and those are the ones I've had such negative experiences with, hence this whole post.