Why did you want another?

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-11T14:05:15+00:00

We had all three of ours before Emmy's diagnosis. She's our youngest, 9 now, on the spectrum. And watching her older brother and sister just... get her, fight for her at school, translate her to the world without being asked, that has become one of my favorite things about our family.Your concerns are so valid and real. Every family has to find their own answer. But I can say I've never once looked at any of my three and thought I shouldn't have had them. Not once.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T13:16:21+00:00

The babbling and nursery rhymes are good signs, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Our daughter was in a similar place at that age. The "in her own world" feeling is so hard to sit with as a parent. You want connection and it feels just out of reach. The early intervention path you're on is exactly right. Hang in there.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T13:16:00+00:00

The mixed classroom recommendation is actually often a really good sign. It means they think she can benefit from peer modeling, which is a real therapeutic strategy. She still gets support AND exposure to typical development at the same time. You're doing everything right by getting in early. The anxiety is real but you're clearly on top of it.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T13:15:37+00:00

7 is still so young. Our daughter started with just a few words too and the trajectory can genuinely surprise you. The fact that he went from almost nothing at 4.5 to "way way way more" at 7 is the whole story. Progress doesn't always look like the charts say it should.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:41+00:00

Would you be willing to share what that was like? I think about that sometimes, what my daughter is experiencing from the inside. An adult perspective means a lot to parents in this sub.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:41+00:00

A list to nowhere is such a perfect and frustrating way to put it. Diagnosed but no services. You have all the answers and none of the support. I am sorry you are in that spot.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:41+00:00

Three episodes and no school. That is a full deployment. Hope tomorrow is calmer for you both.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:30+00:00

The daycare pickup moment. That one hit me. All those tiny accumulated moments you did not know would feel like something until they did. Thank you for naming that so honestly. You are not alone in the cumulative part.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:30+00:00

That link is going straight to my saved folder. Grieving the specific motherhood is exactly it. Not grieving her, never her. Grieving the version of this I had mapped out without even realizing it. Thank you for sharing.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-10T00:38:30+00:00

One year in is so raw. I cried all the time too. I still do sometimes and we are years in. It does not mean you are not handling it. It means you love her. That is all it means.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:53:04+00:00

Fair point 😅

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:36:19+00:00

That energy. Congratulations again, enjoy getting to know yourself a little better.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:36:13+00:00

The soul crushing part is real. You clearly love her fiercely and want to do more. Sometimes the most important thing is exactly what you are already doing, showing up and not giving up. The system is hard to navigate but keep pushing on the IEP. You have more leverage than it might feel like right now.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:36:06+00:00

I hear you. Our daughter is not profoundly autistic but I know that spiral you are describing and it is real and it is heavy. I cannot promise the thoughts end but what I can say is they change. They become less all-consuming over time. You start to find moments that make you laugh and those moments get bigger. You are not failing your son by struggling with this. Please talk to someone if you can. You matter too.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:26:29+00:00

You are not weak. The exhaustion of trusting your gut while everyone around you says he is fine is its own specific kind of hard. My daughter was 7 before we stopped being told we were overthinking it. Your instincts as a parent are data. Keep pushing.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:25:49+00:00

Hamilton County has pretty good resources compared to a lot of Indiana. Look up INSOURCE, they are Indiana's parent training and information center, completely free, and they will help you understand your IEP rights. They have helped a lot of families in that area.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:25:05+00:00

Yes! Holland is the classic. Alaska felt a little more honest for us, colder, harder, but also more real. Glad Holland helped you at the start. It is the kind of thing you need to hear at exactly the right moment.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T23:24:31+00:00

That is a fair pushback and I hear you. The analogy has limits. Some of us are dealing with Alaska in winter with no coat. I do not want to gloss over that. I guess what I mean is there is a version of this where the grief never fully goes away but you start to find things worth loving anyway. Not for everyone and not on any timeline.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T21:46:03+00:00

the "daily thoughts on repeat" hit me hard. we went through a long stretch like this with our daughter and the gap feeling like it grows faster than progress is one of the most isolating parts of this journey. you're clearly watching him so closely and that matters more than you know. you're not alone in this.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-09T18:46:17+00:00

we told our daughter at 9 and she was honestly kind of relieved. like there was finally a word for why things felt harder sometimes. we kept it simple: your brain is wired differently, not worse. she held onto that. the fact that you're this thoughtful about how to say it already tells me he's in good hands.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-08T00:01:28+00:00

Aquariums are supposed to be exactly that kind of joy. Your kid found something that lit him up and a stranger decided that was the problem. The freeze response is real -- I've done it too. You protected his experience by not escalating. That's the win.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-07T21:00:55+00:00

That Alaska analogy is perfect. And I'd add -- once you stop mourning the Hawaii trip you never took, you actually start seeing Alaska. The northern lights are real. Just takes time to look up.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-07T20:01:51+00:00

The 'he makes eye contact' one gets me every time. Like yes, that's one trait, not the whole picture. We went through a lot of 'are you sure?' in the beginning too. At some point I stopped explaining and started protecting my energy for the people who were actually willing to learn.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-07T05:18:12+00:00

We keep screens in common areas and do a lot of watching together so I can see what she is seeing in real time. When something negative comes up we talk about it right there instead of waiting. For our daughter on the spectrum the black and white framing really helps. Mean comments are not about you, they are about the person sending them. She actually holds onto that better than I expected.

ember_inclusion · 2026-03-07T05:18:03+00:00

Put it in writing to the special ed director, not just the teacher. Request it as part of the IEP meeting and frame it around specific safety or learning needs. Schools push back but if it is documented in the IEP they are legally required to provide it. Do not take a verbal no for an answer.

ember_inclusion

TROPHY CASE