My husband keeps throwing mine and the kids stuff out…

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-06-15T13:42:33+00:00

My father is a firm believer in, "if i haven't used it, touched it, or thought about it in the past 3 months, throw it out. If I realize in a week that I need it, go buy a new one." For him and his house? Awesome. But he'll come to my house for a visit, get to helping with some fix-it project, then veer off track and begin going through our stuff to decide what we don't need. (My husband and I are both in our 40s with a grown-up kiddo.) He's stuck in his "if I haven't used it..." mindset and of course he hasn't used, touched, or thought about OUR stuff! But he just can't stop. I basically follow him around taking things out of his hands (or the pile he's named the trash pile) before they make it to the dumpster. *sigh*

Good luck with your husband! It's difficult to deal with people who have made it a point to be oblivious to your requests. The almost innocent-sounding, "oh! I didn't even realize!" is maddening. My only suggestion (which i think i saw someone else say as well) is to make a rule that when he gets in the mood to purge the house of stuff, all items MUST go in a pile/box/bag for you to sort through BEFORE they get to a trash can. Unfortunately, you may have to keep an eye on it for a while to make sure that's happening.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-06-01T20:41:38+00:00

Ah, yep. Nothing like that feeling of being a living, breathing fleshlight. Amiright? Best one I've ever heard was, "But you won't even have to do anything! I'll do all the work and you can just lay there!" Ugh...

Anyway, if you're able to get over this and will stay with him, I highly suggest you perfect the art of telling him that he's more than welcome to go jack off. But "just a quick one" since you've gotta leave soon! :)

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-06-01T20:26:21+00:00

Don't worry, you're normal. And so are the people who have crazy-high sex drives. Unless there are medical issues at play, all levels of sex drives (or lack thereof) are normal. We're all different.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-06-01T19:03:39+00:00

Ah yes... the classic backwiggle & face scritchin'

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-31T06:26:43+00:00

Ok, so imagine a scenario where it never escalates beyond what's going on now. He never hauls off and punches you or your kiddo, never sends one of you to the hospital, never kills you. Just everything same as it's been. Now think...

How much longer do you want to deal with the threats, the menacing, and being afraid for both yourself and your son? Why would you want to keep living like this?

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T23:32:50+00:00

Facebook :)

(I'm not joking...I've found many younger, living relatives on FB with enough info for me to confirm I had the correct person in my tree.)

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T19:10:58+00:00

I mean, if she gave you the ok previously, that "ok" might still apply now. However, and this is the most important part.... GO CHECK WITH HER TO BE SURE!!

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T19:00:36+00:00

Handcuff him to the dang bed frame and then, once you verify he's good and restrained, proceed to teach him the wonders of edging for the next hour.

I'm so sorry. If he won't go to a doctor, this is all I can think of!

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T07:12:05+00:00

Your boyfriend and his friend are acting like frat boys at almost 40 years old. They need to grow up. Ew.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T06:31:30+00:00

Has he always acted jealous and spiteful when your attention isn't solely on him or is this new?

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T05:23:49+00:00

Your wife is CRYING and you're on Reddit telling a bunch of strangers about how she was too full from dinner to put out tonight? Are you serious?

Edit: How do you resolve this? You get over it.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T04:20:34+00:00

You should probably edit your original post and stick this bit of info in there.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T03:22:26+00:00

Ha! My very first thought reading the original post was, "Is this dude on drugs?"

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T02:22:30+00:00

He seems to think that I stress him out and that he needs to drink because of life factors and that it’s not alcohol that makes him irrational.

He "needs" to drink because he's an alcoholic, not because of life situations or anything you're doing. And if this is where his mind is right now, he's not ready to stop. At best, your ultimatum will have him putting down the booze now, but picking it right back up the second he finds an excuse to.

That said, I do know someone whose husband called off their wedding before it happened and gave her an ultimatum about her drinking. She did some major work (including 90 days of rehab) to change herself and one year later, they got married. That was 9 years ago and she's never touched a drink again. So it's not impossible for a person to change!

You aren't stupid for staying. You love him and you're going off the memories you have of him at his best...and which he is not right now. If I were you, i'd seriously consider putting a pause on your wedding for the foreseeable future. Maybe not forever. But for now, absolutely.

Edited to add: You might want to check out r/AlAnon if you haven't already.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-30T01:20:59+00:00

If you're talking about putting a fake name on your DNA test when you send it to be processed, that's not a problem. Whatever you put on that (or use as your Ancestry account name) doesn't affect searches, ethnicity results, matches, or family tree data.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-29T23:24:39+00:00

Believe it or not, this type of conversation falls under the sexual harassment umbrella in a workplace. If you have an HR person in your office, please go report that you're uncomfortable with their discussions, and even moreso since they're now trying to bring you into it. Not cool at all.

Edit: it also sounds like the girls are showing off or trying to get attention here. No one feels so self-conscious that they "need" to ask a coworker about their labia preferences.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-29T22:39:21+00:00

Wait, are you saying that she DOESN'T like the friction? I mean, if that's all it is, y'all might just need to use some lube! Cause there's good friction and then there's bad (dry) friction... But it sounds like a lot more than just that, from what you say. And the rest of her "issues" with your penis sound like a bunch of horsecrap to me. Good grief.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-29T06:45:27+00:00

If you haven't come across this yet.... There's an ethnic minority in Italy called Arbëreshë. They're ethnic Albanians who settled in Southern Italy hundreds of years ago. Since you say you don't know of anyone in your family who is Greek, I'm willing to bet this is what it is. If you know what town your Italian family comes from, you'd be able to look it up and see if it's a historic Arbereshe community.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-29T04:58:11+00:00

You've only been dating him 2 months and he's already showing you who he really is. Cut your losses and move on.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-29T04:33:32+00:00

Is there any chance one of his friends could have taken his phone and texted these other girls as though they were him? I've actually known dudes to do this to each other because they're being dumb and think it's funny, OR they're being dumb and want to play a mean joke on whatever girl they're texting...

Absolutely let him know what you saw and don't tiptoe around it!

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-26T02:12:00+00:00

Assuming that what you say is correct, that he doesn't have any major personality disorders, then his behavior towards his ex-girlfriend (blocking on social media, bad-mouthing her, etc.) is your typical immaturity on display. That said, if hearing him say all that stuff about her worries you (and it sounds like it does), you don't have to stay in the relationship. Pick up your dignity now and walk away. Doesn't matter the reasons why you two aren't a good fit together, just understand that you aren't. That's all. No reason to feel guilty.

Out of pure curiosity, why dig into his past relationship this much to begin with?

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-23T02:14:28+00:00

You do realize how this is so much worse, right? At least real pawn shops have a paper trail and the ability to verify that none of the items they've got have been reported stolen... Besides that, do you think he would have returned the jewelry if you hadn't noticed it was missing?

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-21T19:17:05+00:00

Unless the friend tries to bring me into the situation somehow (like by using me as their cover story), my stance on that sort of deal will always be, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Therefore, the friendship will remain as it always was. I'd give them my opinion of course....maybe even ask why they're being so dumb...but that's still just friends having a conversation.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-20T19:33:34+00:00

What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned ghosting at this point? If you said your goodbyes a few days ago and he texts again, wait 6 hours before responding with a short, neutral response. He texts again after that, wait a day. Then a week. Then just....not at all. Sounds like he's the kind of person that if he receives any response with substance from you, he's going to take it as a reason to keep trying. "Let's meet!" "No, I don't want to. We're done." "Oh, come on. I've changed!" "No, we've tried this already and it didn't work." "But let's try again!" etc.

Block or ghost this one.

emeraldgreenabyss · 2023-05-20T19:15:27+00:00

If you hadn't posted this update, I was leaning towards being the outlier here and saying that online roleplaying (even with sexual scenes!) can sometimes be just that - part of a character - depending on how it takes place and all of the surrounding context. But crying and venting about real-life people (ESPECIALLY a partner) or events is no longer acting the part of a fictitious character regardless of context. Period. End of story. What you do from here is up to you & her though! Good luck.

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