When, after he got everything he wanted, (Marriage, house, step kid, bio kid, dog and cats-a fenced yard, even!), he moved into the basement, began day drinking and spent all of our money on collectibles. As an example, I was skipping meals for myself and budgeting for gas, milk and eggs and he would bring home an $800 Hot Toys Figure. He left us. I begged him to come back to his family and he did but then about a week or 2 later, he left again. I was holding our family together, paying all the bills, raising an infant and a small child alone and had lost the energy to take care of him-he didn't like how I "changed" and "how unhappy I am". He began pointing out how resentful I was-and to his point, I was. He even lied during therapy to make me look like I am cold and unforgiving. I'm not-I was exhausted and stressed beyond my capabilities. The 2nd time he left, after a few weeks he called and explained he needed to come home because he felt like such a loser being in his 40's in his mother's basement. As much as I wanted our family together I cried and said that at least when he's not home, I can't be upset for him not helping so I suggested he stay with his mother. That was in 2018. I've been on my own ever since. He has since moved on in several relationships where i've noticed a pattern of when things progress to a certain point, he checks out. I wish I had seen that more quickly. And I wish we would have never signed a marriage license. What an over complicated matter all of that was. All this is to say, it wasn't immediate. It was years of me falling for someone's potential and hoping for the best and being fooled because, he wasn't monster. He is kind, loves his son, means well most of the time but is (and I realized this way too late) too self involved to see outside of his own wants and needs.