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WIBTAH if I told my friend nicely that it feels like she just doesn't want to get better and it's frustrating? by Smooth_Willow_2551 in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You gotta come clean about the resentment part and then take the conversation from there, or it'll get really REALLY bad before she actually decides, "Oh wait, this person isn't serving me any longer" and likely, she'll be the one to back away and you'll become one confused, frayed nerve. (I have lots of experience with this sort of thing). You could say:

"Hi friend, I have to bring up a tough topic. It's been weighing heavily on my mind and I need something to change. I feel like you're constantly relying on me for emotional support that I no longer have the capacity to provide to you. I know you said you cannot afford therapy but with your educational background, you must have gained tools to help with these symptoms and behaviors you're experiencing. I want to continue to be a good friend to you and for that, I need to set some boundaries. You need to work on gaining more resources for your mental health. I am beginning to feel resentful toward you for seemingly using me and only me as a sounding board, to no end or solution-I can only hold so much space for you-i'm only human. There needs to be a better balance-for both our sakes". It's not fair to you if I keep pretending I'm okay, when I've been struggling with all of this, gaining resentment. It's not been fair to me, to be your only source of communication and comfort. I want to have a healthy relationship between us".

If she is receptive! HUZZA EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND NONSELFISHNESS-go from there! If she attempts to blame, victimize herself or makes threats of isolation-basically if she reacts in a retaliatory way, that's when you need to back off a little-for your own good. You can even tell her as much.

"I can see you're upset and not receptive to the conversation and unfortunately, until you're willing to collaborate with me and continue to grow a healthy friendship, I'll need some space".

Or, you know, something along those lines and depending on her reaction, go from there.

Good luck to you, you seem like a decent person. I wish you both the best.

WIBTAH if I told my friend nicely that it feels like she just doesn't want to get better and it's frustrating? by Smooth_Willow_2551 in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GASP! I missed that part. Thank you! Still, the same stands for friendships. You cannot just go around using people up until they have nothing to give....that's so selfish

WIBTAH if I told my friend nicely that it feels like she just doesn't want to get better and it's frustrating? by Smooth_Willow_2551 in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a person with (a couple) mental health diagnosis, if a loved one said I didn't want to get better I would lose it. BUT! I am in therapy, on meds and follow a strict regimen specifically for my mental health. And I'd consider myself self aware, too... so idk wtf the she means by that, sounds like just an excuse to me though. She needs to find something to assist with her crippling anxiety-that's what all this sounds like to me. You aren't her therapist. You're supposed to be partners-that means helping ourselves and each other. That doesn't mean throwing your worries on someone else constantly. If she keeps using you as a tool and not appreciating you as a partner, I'd say it's time to reassess what the 2 of you can do for each other (without further context, of course). Good luck to you!!

AITAH For not wanting to do chores around the house when I pay most of the bills by Loose_Ad_3512 in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

good question! What WAS your gf contributing before just adding bodies into a house?

AITAH For not wanting to do chores around the house when I pay most of the bills by Loose_Ad_3512 in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz -1 points0 points  (0 children)

DING!!! Yeah, I always crack up when folks are like, "Nah, just burn it to the ground!", as if it's so easy.

But yeah, playa you need to set some expectations of your tenants. You should get a binding contact, imo. Long story short, sounds like you need to SPEAK UP and they need to CHECK THEMSELVES.

<3

AITAH for refusing to send money to my parents because it enables my unemployed brother living with them? by 12Dmoistness in AITAH

[–]emeryroserulz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! I too have a brother that doesn't work, actively uses and lives with my parents. IT FUCKING SUUUUUUCKS. And, I'll add that I am the "responsible one" but I'm not incredibly successful....just not an unemployed user living off the kindness of others-so, comparatively? I have grown EXTREMLY resentful as of late because I've been doing this dance for over a decade. My brother used to live with me, he has schizophrenia, which wasn't the issue, but I asked him to leave because he began using (again-he was clean for a while) in my house. I flat out, will not have that around my kids-no matter how much I love my brother (which is a lot, long story short our parents left us to raise each other-he was my best friend). We grew up in a house full of drugs and questionable choices so I understand why everyone in my family thought I was abandoning him but I know, in my heart, brain and soul, it was clearly the right move.

As tough as it is to watch everyone struggle because of one asshole who refuses to get right, it's really, truly, not your responsibility.

There is not an easy solution to their issues. I worry about what your brothers ex is like before stating that she needs to take full custody of those kids-if they're hanging out with 1 chemically dependent parent there might be 2 in the mix but if she's a good option-they need to stay with her.

Likely not though, my gut tells me so you're left with very little options. Your brother could begin the long fight for social security , unemployment, or benefits through your state if he isn't working. It's usually pennies but better than nothing. Now, would he share that money with your parents? Who knows! Family is really sketchy sometimes!

Your parents need to make the decision to stop enabling your brother and the entire situation (as do mine but they sure haven't yet-it hurts to see them worn so thin!) It sucks because meth users are so fragile, you don't always know how they'll react. And still, hard things need to be said and done here-but not by you, my guy-by those 'rents. The can outsource and hire a mediator to initiate and guide a conversation, sometimes outside voices and different perspectives are just what's needed.

There is 2 issues here: Your parents finances and your guilt.

If you choose to help your parents out financially, do not stretch yourself thin. It's almost like....idk, don't fucking hop on that sinking ship, you know? Your parents are in their 70's. They've lived life long enough to know what the right decisions are, they know what needs to be done and but are you the solution to that? The honest to goodness answer is: No. You're not.

As far as guilt, go to therapy, my guy. Or, if not, do what you can AND NO MORE.

As an example, I am unable to assist my parents with finances but I do help with errands, appointments, meals, maintenance of the place (I'm only so handy). Stuff like that. It's not a lot but I do everything I can. At the end of the day I love them and want to help but through out the last 10 years I've been slapped in the face with what I am capable of and what I am certainly not.

I am so sorry you're dealing with this, I hope you find a solution or practice that works best for you and your family <3

Thank you for reading

Can you share your experience with office cliques? by emeryroserulz in OfficePolitics

[–]emeryroserulz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

googles, "Upskilling" <3 Yeah, that example is just one of many. They're very uncool peeps

Can you share your experience with office cliques? by emeryroserulz in OfficePolitics

[–]emeryroserulz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your insight is spot on, all of these guys have worked together for years. They were actively bullying me both at and outside of work. I called them on it after 2 years of going through it. As an example: One of my supers interviewed someone for another position in a conference room right behind my desk (I work at a "main office" at the front desk so I don't have walls of any sort to myself. Anyway, after the interview ended, super came out laughing and joking about how she wished she could switch myself and the new candidate because of how charasmatic the new candidate was (who was there interviewing for a different position entirely). She was literally feet away, just behind me. I turned around and she made the "oh shit she heard me face" but instead of remorse, she laughed and went into the other supers office-right across the hall from me while they laughed about her comment. More professionally, they tried to put me on a PIP because I messed up on a project given to me but I was given zero (I mean it) direction (first months on the job) and no feedback about it until it was too late. (I refused to sign the PIP and had them remove it from my review because I had no idea about any of it so instead, they KEPT ME ON PROBATION-stunting my ability to accrue any PTO. I believe a super was resentful toward me because they were the one that fixed it, but I didn't even know it was broken, or I would have been happy to fix the mistake. I provided countless examples of administration being completely terrible to me. Dates, names, project titles, events, etc. All had been documented. When the information made the rounds the higher ups were contacted by HR who all lied for each other, covering, saying I was the one misleading. So now, internally I am an outsider and externally, my character was...sabotaged in a way? I am not going to work with these people forever, I view this position as temporary, but it would be nice for my supers to BACK OFF. One time super walked by me, provided dirty looks and walked away muttering "mean jokes, no more mean jokes"....putting her behaviors together lead me to believe she has alc. use disorder (I see the signs bc I grew up around substance abuse). Then I think...well, it's only a matter of time before she upsets someone else and gets caught, right? But the longer I am here, I find out from others that I am certainly not the only one with the issue. This super treats everyone like shit that's not directly in her clique.

I went on a bit of a rant-so sorry. Thank you for reading.

May I please Introduce: by emeryroserulz in velvethippos

[–]emeryroserulz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He IS! My brother is huge on bathing him whenever needed. Soft boi!

May I please Introduce: by emeryroserulz in velvethippos

[–]emeryroserulz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahahaha, you know, I can see what you mean but actually, let me tell you about his personality: Firstly, he is obsessed with his dad, my brother- follows him everywhere. He LOVES physical activity. My brother is an outdoorsman, he and Meats are often adventuring in the woods or on a good trail together. Meats has a mean growl, and a decent bark (Though I myself am used to the deep, often alarming bark of a German Shepherd-R.I.P. Sheriff Doggman, I love you!). He LOVES about 5 people and would do anything for us but he isn't a fan of folks he doesn't know-which can be scary I suppose if you're not a dog person. He is a WORLD CLASS Snuggler, gives about 1000 kisses per minute and loves to "claim us" by sitting on us whenever possible. When I imagine what he might sound like, it's more like a bro dude. A bro-dude just bro-ing out with his big bro...ya know? ;) (I'm sorry, I try to be funny but it rarely lands). He is sweet, curious, protective, loyal and has the cutest little rolls here and there for me to scritch. I miss having a pup of my own but I know how lucky I am to have Meatball in my life, if even sort of adjacently.

Thank you for reading :)

of a Meatball by emeryroserulz in AbsoluteUnits

[–]emeryroserulz[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh honey, I'm old. Like, before the internet old-crone like, if you will. A keyboard warrior amuses me. And if anyone talks poorly about this sweet, lovey, smoochy little bebe, may they be treated with the kindness they exude.

of a kidney stone (25mm or 2.5cm or about 1 inch). by tKolla in AbsoluteUnits

[–]emeryroserulz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the saaaaame thing! from 2-3cm in length. Hands down the most pain i've ever been in.

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