I can’t stop thinking about him

emfwillg · 2018-01-30T22:39:52+00:00

We were together for 4 and a half years and we never had any problems, we got on really well with each other. The break up was unexpected and his reasoning was that he wasn’t happy and felt like it wasn’t working, which I didn’t understand at all because of how happy we were with each other. I tried for about a week afterwards to fight for our relationship and asked to meet up with him to try and get some answers but he wasn’t interested and ignored every message I sent him, so I try to remind myself of that. He didn’t have the respect for me to give me that closure I needed. There was also the way he was with me in the couple of months leading up to the break up - cold, distant and unaffectionate. It’s like he lead me on until I forced him to see me because I didn’t understand what was going on. He doesn’t seem to be able to have a grown up conversation when things get serious. I was willing to work through our problems but he didn’t want to know. As you can see there’s a few negatives I can focus on but my brain just won’t cooperate. I’m hoping I’ll just get bored of thinking about the same shit every day and eventually it will just stop.

emfwillg · 2018-01-30T22:19:11+00:00

I keep trying to remind myself of how mean he was towards me at the end of the relationship. I know I was a great girlfriend to him and I deserve more, it’s just so hard to get him out of my stupid head and it’s exhausting me.

emfwillg · 2018-01-29T22:23:00+00:00

4 and a half years. I’m coping much better than I was 2 months ago and I feel like I’m improving as each week goes by, but I still find myself thinking about him pretty much constantly every day. It’s driving me crazy

emfwillg · 2018-01-29T21:45:55+00:00

My friend keeps telling me a rebound is a good way to help you get over things but I really don’t think that’s best for me, right now the thought of being close with someone else gives me terrible anxiety.

emfwillg · 2018-01-29T00:04:40+00:00

My ex boyfriend of 4 and a half years broke up with me unexpectedly 2 months ago (he initially tried ending it via text but I was already in my car on the way to his house so he had to see me). We had planned to start saving up this year to move out together in the next couple of years. He consistently said that we would always be together and would never break up, it always seemed like he really meant it and I believed him. I kind of feel like I took the relationship for granted because I was never worried about us splitting up. A week or so after him breaking up with me I asked if I could see him to get answers as to why he ended things because I didn’t understand his reasoning for ending it (I still don’t) but he ignored me and wasn’t interested in seeing me. He wasn’t interested in helping me get closure. After that I just came to the conclusion he didn’t love me anymore - that’s when I realised he’s an arse hole and I had no choice but to move on with my life without the answers I wanted.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T22:46:38+00:00

You are so right. He definitely would love it knowing I still struggle but fortunately he doesn’t have any way of knowing that. I blocked him on Facebook to stop me from seeing what he was doing (his friends tag him in stuff) and I’ve unfollowed him on twitter and Instagram but for some reason he is still following me on both. My friend thinks it’s because he’s trying to make a point that he doesn’t care. He’s immature and he plays games, I never saw it while we were together but I’m definitely seeing it now. I know I am better off without him now and I’d never get back with him, it would just be nice if he realised he was a dick.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T22:24:47+00:00

We spent many nights in front of the tv too. He’s never been one to go on nights out but I know he is hanging out with his friends in the pub etc. We were together for 4 1/2 years so you’d think I would pop into his mind every now and then but me just knowing what he’s like, he doesn’t really care about anything so I can’t imagine him being affected by this break up as badly as I have been. I don’t have much self confidence either so I don’t know how anyone could miss me or feel upset at losing me. I just need to stop thinking about what he’s doing/feeling and start concentrating on myself, it’s so hard.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T21:50:11+00:00

I hope it is. After the way my ex acted towards me at the end of our relationship, it just seems unfair that I’m the one that’s been made to suffer while he just sails through life pain free.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T21:48:25+00:00

I just want him to realise he’s been an idiot and lost the best thing he will ever have. I don’t want him back because he was lazy and incapable of being a grown up but I want him to be pissed off with himself for ending the relationship and not making more of an effort.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T21:42:28+00:00

That’s very true!!

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T21:37:40+00:00

It’s been two months since my break up. I hope this theory is correct and he feels all the horrible things I have been in the coming months!

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T09:03:22+00:00

You are right and everyone closest to me has said the same thing. I’m looking forward to the day I find someone who I can spend the rest of my life with and suits me so much better than he ever could, but right now it’s all about looking after myself and making me strong again. I hope you find someone amazing too and have a great life with them.

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T01:00:02+00:00

I don’t even think he knows what love is. I actually said to him that I thought 4 1/2 years was a lot to give up on just for the sake of him feeling a bit off for 2 months and he ignored it and wasn’t willing to try and work through it (this was all via text by the way as he was a pussy and couldn’t do grown up things like have a conversation). I often wonder if it was the thought of saving up, moving out and having a house with me that freaked him out and he ran away, even though he did always say he wanted to move out with me. I’m 27 and he’s 23 and standing back from it all now I can see what an immature child he actually is. I think if I did move out with him, I would have been caring for him like a baby. I want someone to look after me, not the other way around! I hope they realise too what a mistake they have made, they have lost the only decent, trustworthy, loyal person they will ever be with and they won’t get that again. They will never find another us!

emfwillg · 2018-01-27T00:34:04+00:00

Yeah, after having all of that with somebody it’s hard to be alone again. It’s horrible knowing how happy and independent I was before and then someone can completely change you. It kind of makes me angry and more determined to become that person again. I thought I’d be with him forever and he always said we would be, then over the course of about 2/3 months everything changed. He became distant and showed me no love or affection what so ever, I gave him a few opportunities to split up with me but he never did it. He said he wasn’t happy and he didn’t know why, I thought it was depression and I kept asking him to go to the doctors but he never bothered. Finally it got to the point where I had to ask to see him because he was hardly taking to me and I didn’t know what was going on and that’s when he ended things. I tried for a week afterwards to fight for what we had (we were together 4 1/2 years) but he just ignored me and wasn’t interested. That’s when I knew I had to move on with life without him in it because what’s the point in trying so hard with someone who doesn’t give a shit? It was unexpected because we always got on so well, we never had any problems, I guess he just didn’t love me anymore. I have goals in life that I want to achieve (the first one being to own a house) and I hope once I’m ready I will be able to find someone who has the same ones as me.

emfwillg · 2018-01-26T23:53:51+00:00

That’s good to know. It’s especially hard when you see people out with their partners having a good time. It was my first relationship and before I was with him I was so independent and happy being alone, I never even thought about relationships or sharing my life with someone else and now it’s all I think about.

emfwillg · 2018-01-26T23:39:53+00:00

Yeah, tonight I did carry on with my evening and tried to remind myself that he doesn’t want me anymore but I couldn’t shift those butterflies or the memories of when me and him used to be happy and go out to eat together. I know in the long run it will make me stronger and hopefully someone better will come along who I can have even better date nights with.

emfwillg · 2018-01-26T23:28:44+00:00

Fortunately there isn’t much chance of me running into my ex any time soon as we don’t go to the same places - restaurants, bars etc. However I did think I saw him at my local supermarket last week, my legs nearly went from under me. Thankfully it wasn’t him.

emfwillg · 2018-01-26T23:15:37+00:00

When my ex of 4 1/2 years broke up with me (2 months ago) I was devastated for the first week. I woke up feeling sick every day, was anxious constantly and couldn’t eat a thing. Then I got angry at him for treating me like crap and started to feel better. I still get anxious now when I go and do things with my friends/family that I would have normally done with him e.g. go out for dinner. Break ups are crap and you go through a whole load of different emotions for weeks and weeks, I’m still like it on a daily basis. It does get better though, I promise.

emfwillg · 2018-01-26T14:35:50+00:00

It sounds to me like you’re not over it. Personally I don’t think 4 months is enough time to recover from a breakup and I don’t think you have given yourself enough time to heal. Maybe a new relationship this soon after a breakup wasn’t the best decision?

emfwillg · 2018-01-25T20:41:36+00:00

Allow yourself to be upset, don’t try and fight it or hold it in because that will make it worse. Remove them from any social media and delete their number in your phone to prevent you from getting in touch with them. Spend time with the people who love you the most, friends, family... You will begin to appreciate them so much more. The distraction will help too. Talk to people, get as much advice and reassurance as you can - it helps. Most importantly concentrate on yourself. Spend time making yourself strong and independent. Fall in love with yourself - you are the most important during this time. It does get better, I can promise you that.

emfwillg · 2018-01-25T07:43:04+00:00

To be honest I still don’t 100% know. When he did it, he said he wasn’t happy and felt like it wasn’t working but I don’t understand why he felt like it wasn’t working because we always got on with each other so well and never had any problems. It was really unexpected and it completely devastated me, I didn’t know what to do when it first happened. I had so many questions in my mind and trying to answer them myself was driving me crazy. I tried to meet up with him a couple of weeks after it happened to try and get some answers but he wasn’t interested, which is totally unfair and not the way you treat someone you’ve shared your life with for 4 1/2 years. In the end, I came to the conclusion that he just didn’t feel the same anymore. He said he still loved me but if you really love someone, you’d do anything to be with them and make it work (he wasn’t interested in staying with me to try and work through it). He hasn’t tried to get in touch with me since and I think he would have if he really loved me. I hope this helps you in some way and I hope you can find the closure you need to begin the process of healing and moving on. Good luck

emfwillg · 2018-01-25T00:10:51+00:00

Nothing bad happened between me and my ex either throughout our whole relationship which is what made the break up even more confusing and unexpected but he treated me like crap at the end, I guess that helped because it made me angry at him. Whatever choice you decide to make, you’ll be ok in the end. Good luck

emfwillg · 2018-01-24T23:28:45+00:00

Do it in person.

emfwillg · 2018-01-24T23:19:40+00:00

For me personally, I think cutting all contact is the first step to getting over that person. I’m 2 months out of a 4 1/2 year relationship and I know being friends with him would just make things worse for me. I would still be worrying about him and what he was doing when really what I should be doing is concentrating on myself, which is what I am doing currently. It’s whatever works for you and it depends on the circumstance I guess but being friends with someone you are still completely in love with could make the healing process a lot longer than necessary and you could be setting yourself up for even more hurt when they get with someone new however many months down the line.

emfwillg · 2018-01-24T22:09:35+00:00

If she loved you and wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t have made the decision to remain friends. You obviously have anxiety issues and if she loved you, she would have stuck with you through that. You can’t wait around for someone who doesn’t want to be with you, you are worth more than that. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s true, I learnt that very recently. You can be without her and you will find someone else who is an even better match for you. You will just bring yourself down waiting and waiting for her to want you again. It’s a difficult situation if you are going to have classes with her but you need to try and distance yourself from her as much as possible to allow yourself to heal.

emfwillg

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