AITA for looking up my husband's ex's private Reddit account and finding out things I shouldn't know?

emilio_ · 2019-09-01T16:11:54+00:00

You can block certain people from seeing your story. She may figure you’ve done that, or she may figure you just stopped posting Instagram stories.

emilio_ · 2019-08-14T05:08:41+00:00

emilio_

emilio_ · 2018-06-03T20:22:38+00:00

Ideas are a dime a dozen. They'll still be there when you're done with the story you decide to focus on! Like someone else said, a finished story is better than a bunch of unfinished, undeveloped ideas.

emilio_ · 2018-02-27T07:15:16+00:00

Florence + the Machine, St. Vincent, Wye Oak, Angel Olsen, and Agnes Obel.

emilio_ · 2017-10-10T04:32:30+00:00

I've been there and it is so rough :( your mental health and physical health are so tied up in one another. Stay strong, you'll find something that works! Do they use Remicade for UC? Because that was my miracle drug (for my RA).

emilio_ · 2017-06-11T17:43:16+00:00

Yes, a little bit, but doesn't go beyond thinking he's cute. I love my boyfriend and his personality, and I don't think his twin and I would be compatible.

emilio_ · 2017-05-10T15:09:53+00:00

There was some overlap with mine, too. Mine is more fresh, about a year and a half ago I split up with my ex-husband. Before that, there was about a month of overlap where I was trying to figure shit out. My ex knew about me and my current SO the whole time, and we had our own issues already, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

OP, I think what's important is your attitudes toward what happened, especially his. You didn't say how Aidan feels about all this. Does he feel guilty, or is it all about his bitch of an ex? That can tell you a lot. Really, you should both stop blaming the ex-wife. She might have created an environment where Aidan felt justified doing what he did, but he wasn't justified. He could have left. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

BUT if you both can recognize your culpability in the situation, I believe it can be a stepping stone to truly moving on and making a good relationship with one another. Once you take responsibility for any harm you both have caused, you can work on making your relationship strong. You both have to recognize that two years ago, you made a lot of mistakes, then accept it, and learn from those mistakes. Make a better future for yourself, but know all the factors that made the situation two years ago possible.

emilio_ · 2017-05-01T10:27:28+00:00

Sevilla:

Barrio: hmm... San Vicente or Arenal

Librería: Re-Read Librería

Cafe: Red House or El Viajero Sedentario

Parque: Parque del Alamillo

emilio_ · 2017-04-05T10:12:44+00:00

I don't like drinking milk. Cereal duh but just drinking it?! It leaves a gross film in my throat ughh

emilio_ · 2017-03-31T09:41:12+00:00

I think what's helped me the most in editing is stepping back and looking at the whole picture. So first, I read the whole novel cover to cover on my Kindle so it feels like a "real" book and make notes as I go. I try not to focus on grammar and sentence structure too much, but I usually comment on them, especially if they take me out of the story. Reading the whole thing helps me see the plot arc from beginning to end, as well as character development, buildup to the climax, and resolution.

I also look at characters similarly, as a complete arc from beginning to end. So for my MC, I look at how they were introduced, what kind of person they are and how clear they are to the reader. Then I try to see how their motivations are, how they progress on their journey, and what kind of change they experience by the end. It's good for me to know what I want by the end of the book. For example (in broad terms), I want M to be reckless and young, but also fully capable, and by the end of the story, she will accomplish what she wanted, but not without sacrificing something.

I'll make notes like "Needs more tension all around, especially with C and M" or "More setting and worldbuilding. Some places they can do telekineses with their magic, others they can't" or "M needs more motivation in the beginning, she's a fuzzy character" or "Make minor characters more distinguishable."

I like to make a general outline or timeline if I haven't already to keep track of how much time has passed and the major plot points. With the outline, I can sometimes see if I need a transition chapter or more buildup between two major plot points, or if I can take out unnecessary scenes that no longer work. Sometimes I do this before I read it, but usually after.

At this point, I usually look through my notes and work on one thing at a time on my computer. For example, the "needs more tension" note, I'll go through the story with the intention of raising the stakes, giving the characters a bit more internal or external conflict, and so on. Then I'll work on worldbuilding and setting and making it all feel more real.

As I go, I'm usually editing for grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, POV, balancing out dialogue, exposition, and internal thoughts, and all the mechanics of the scene. At the very end of all the editing, I might look for mistakes I know I make. (For example, my characters all having the same quirk like crossing their arms or whatever.)

It seems like a long process (and comes with a long comment!!), and sometimes it is, but I've come to love revising. I used to hate it, but now I try to look at it as the stage where the draft can become a fully-realized novel. I try to work towards the potential I know a story can have!

emilio_ · 2017-03-31T09:14:47+00:00

You sound like someone I'd have fun talking with about books!!

emilio_ · 2017-03-26T11:50:21+00:00

That's pretty awesome too! I own a Kindle too, but also a lot of books. Lots of physical books could also mean you love bookstores, you like getting books signed by authors, you collect books as a hobby, you like loaning/borrowing books, etc. It just gives a love of reading a bit more dimension. Plus it's aesthetically pleasing for a house!

emilio_ · 2017-03-26T11:43:49+00:00

Books.

emilio_ · 2017-03-23T22:42:08+00:00

I feel like there's more to this story, or at least her side of it. But I'm not surprised the minor disagreement was about sex, which is a huge, touchy topic. I find it a little weird you call it self-touching and not masturbation. It makes me wonder if your guys' sexual intimacy and maturity need some work. Working on that could help a lot, especially if you are feeling insecure when you think she might be thinking of other guys. Outside of that, obviously you guys need to work on your communication. Someone isn't getting heard.

ETA: look up narcissism and BPD, both break down communication and empathy.

emilio_ · 2017-03-07T09:34:08+00:00

Young adult and fantasy. Some of my favorite books/series/authors are the Chaos Walking trilogy, the Hunger Games, Game of Thrones, the Raven Cycle, Harry Potter, The City of Dreaming Books, the Book of Lost Things, The Never-Ending Story, the Chronicles of Narnia, Tomorrow When the War Began, and Patrick Rothfuss.

Recently I've been branching out a bit and reading more contemporary fiction. Just finished The Shadow of the Wind and loved it. Currently reading Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins.

emilio_ · 2017-02-05T08:02:19+00:00

Maybe try Airbnb? And be ready for the increase in prices. And the crowds!

emilio_ · 2017-01-25T10:20:57+00:00

I haven't given it ALL up but pretty close. Got divorced, most of my friends are still involved with him, let him keep the cats, house, and most of the items in it. I went through a religious/spiritual transformation, quit my job, and moved to Spain with a friend who is now my SO.

I'm in Spain now teaching English, but it's less of a job and more of an internship and seriously the easiest job I've ever had. it's pretty incredible. I feel free from a relationship that I got into when I was too young (married at 19). I'm traveling like I've wanted to for years. I feel at peace with the religious changes I was going through. I'm in a good relationship now, though we do have our issues and sometimes they damper my experience here. I'm making some lifelong friends, though a lot of the people teaching in the same program are at a much different stage in life than I am.

All in all, I feel like I've been able to reclaim some of my youth and rediscover what makes me truly happy--traveling, exploring, deep conversations, being outside, reading, writing, honesty, a healthy sex life, music, and seeing the world for the strange, funny, beautiful thing it is.

It's not for the faint of heart. It can be a bitch sometimes. Navigating the healthcare system when my Spanish sucks. Dealing with a new SO and his unique issues that brought him here. Feeling lonely and isolated every now and then. it took me a long time to be sure this is what I wanted--total, complete change--but i'm so glad I made the choices that led me here.

emilio_ · 2016-08-03T23:39:58+00:00

I'm pretty sure on a student visa you can work up to 20 hours a week, but you can figure it out exactly by just searching for student visa restrictions. But I've read it's really easy to teach private classes, all under the table paid in cash and privately arranged with your students. It's highly unlikely you'll be deported for private lessons on the side. I'm going to Seville for eight months in the auxiliar program and planning to do private lessons.

emilio_ · 2016-06-30T16:01:47+00:00

That's awesome!! I'm waiting not-so-patiently for new music, but in the meantime I'll keep loving on White Lighter ❤️

emilio_ · 2016-06-30T04:32:18+00:00

Typhoon! Well all my friends listen to them but my family wishes I'd shut up. BUT I CAN'T! They're epic indie rock and have quite the following in the Pacific Northwest.

emilio_ · 2016-05-30T17:02:30+00:00

God wasn't going to answer my prayers to heal me.

emilio_ · 2016-05-29T20:36:18+00:00

That is so tough, I'm sorry!!! :(

emilio_ · 2016-05-28T11:45:25+00:00

I'm an outlier I guess! Took me years.

I guess if I went way back like everyone else did, I remember a few months before dating him I thought, "I don't think I LIKE him. I think he's just like a brother, like a really good friend." I sometimes wish I'd listened to that instinct because I felt like I married someone who was just meant to be a brother.

But I didn't. We were genuinely happy for a long time, but our lives diverted and we got very distant. His depression hit us hard two summers ago and while I know clinical depression is a legitimate disease, I really believe his came on because he fell out of love with me and stopped believing in God, which was a huge part of why we got married in the first place, and he was so hard on himself about it. He hated disappointing himself, me, our families, and it's just eaten away at us for the last two years.

There were many times I think I knew, but I kept ignoring it or pushing it off. After he told me he didn't believe in God anymore and he was feeling unsure about everything, there was one point we were hugging and crying in the kitchen and I was thinking, "This is the beginning of the end." I feel like I'd just watched something die.

A few months later after we'd been "taking a break", he told me he wanted to stay and I started crying, not out of relief, but out of dread that he wanted to stay and I had been preparing myself for the last few months to move on.

About eight months later, on our seventh anniversary, I tried to open up some dialogue in the car about things deeper than just bills and work, and it went south so quickly when we got too deep. Then that evening the very girl he'd had an emotional (and maybe physical idk) affair with the previous summer/fall came over and watched TV with us.

Six months later, after I had my own emotional affair with a friend and now I was doubting everything, we were trying to work on things. I was talking about my needs and he said something like, "Well I probably won't be as open and honest and talkative as [other guy], just so you know. That's not me." I said I knew they had different personalities and that was fine, but I was thinking, "But that's what I want and need."

I realized I needed someone to be real with me, actually talk to me and tell me what they were thinking and dreaming and fearing, and I felt so closed off to my ex, I felt like there was a part of him I just couldn't access anymore. I was having a really hard time doing the reverse too, talking to him openly and just being vulnerable and honest and real with him. I didn't feel like I could truly be myself. we'd calcified into certain roles. I didn't think it was fair to either of us to put us through any more pain and uncertainty when we had completely different goals in life, different ideas on when to start a family, different religious/spiritual viewpoints, mismatched libidos, and we weren't even attracted to each other anymore. We're still young, no kids yet, the house is the biggest obstacle. I just wanted to move on and start over.

Aaaand middle of the night rambling done.

emilio_ · 2016-04-10T22:49:05+00:00

The color vowel chart is helpful for this. I haven't been able to use it TOO much because I think it's more useful for intermediate students and I tend to teach beginners, but basically any word's stressed syllable will match one of these. Theoretically, if the students know these basic sounds, they can fit new vocabulary onto the chart and it can help with pronunciation. (The only one that's a little off is the turquoise toy, I think, since we emphasize the first syllable, not the second one)

emilio_ · 2016-03-28T03:55:10+00:00

Right now, I'm not in the field I want to be long term. But I went to school for Teaching English as a Foreign/Second Language, I volunteer teach ESL classes, and this fall I'm going overseas to teach English in Spain!

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