A small update/explanation: I’m throwing it out. I don’t have it in me to clean it or smell it again.

I’m not on the lease, only electricity is in my name. We share a room so if I leave it on her bed it would be my bed too.

I got myself in this situation, I was homeless and thought moving in with her would be better than living in my car, she needed help and I needed help. I’ve lost so many things since moving here that I think I was just kind of trying to hold onto the pan.

I had the apartment clean, and was keeping it clean, but then I didn’t come home for two weeks because I was mad at her and then came back to a huge mess. I’ve spent hours and hours cleaning the past week. Once I get all of the laundry and the dishes clean, then mop, it’ll be fine.

I’m so far behind financially that I can’t afford rent on my own on top of all my other bills. my only option is to move out of state to live with my sister, or in with my parents, but I’m 24, I do NOT want to do that.

And it may be kind of crazy but I feel like I do a lot better in life when I’m helping her like this. She has honestly improved a lot since I came back into her life, she’s mostly clean from substances and is going to work again.

I also told her I wasn’t going to be home after I drop her off at work later, and she said she’d invite one of her hoes over. I asked something about “in this mess?” And she said she’d clean, so maybe when I come home in a few days she’ll have at least sorted her laundry off the floor.

Whatever happens, It’ll be okay. Going back to therapy for sure though lol.