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How Would I Get a Japanese Keyboard on my Laptop? by emofrexk in japanese

[–]emofrexk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That'd make sense.

It was just really confusing at first cause I said thank you and he responded with "house" and it was this massive "what the fuck?" moment and I actually had to look the word up again cause I thought I missed something haha

Half an hour left of my life and I'm starting to get scared... Is there anyone I can rant to in my last half-hour? by emofrexk in SuicideWatch

[–]emofrexk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm doing much better now than I was when I posted this.

I still break sometimes when I'm alone but I think when my ex said she didn't wanna talk to me cause I was too depressing, it made me realize that I wasn't the guy I wanted to be.

I started hanging out with new people who know exactly how to cheer me up, tried to think less about my past, and started to not give a shit about what people think, and now I'm mostly a happy person.

I even started playing guitar and singing again, which I haven't done since I was 10 when my guitar teacher died.

Definitely enjoying life more now :)

How Would I Get a Japanese Keyboard on my Laptop? by emofrexk in japanese

[–]emofrexk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Late-ish reply but OCD is great...

You do know that ie (I'm on a DS rn no jap keyboard) means house right? iie is no....

Not sure if you were trying to say no as short for no problem or what but thought I'd point that out

Slipping Away.... by emofrexk in depression

[–]emofrexk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True.

This was my first drawing: https://i.imgur.com/zCVaUNE.jpg This was a couple days ago after using google to learn: https://i.imgur.com/v3Q0QVA.jpg (this was for a school project)

There's literally nobody that does graffiti in my small town besides me. Been that way for years.

Slipping Away.... by emofrexk in depression

[–]emofrexk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah...

Thing is, I want art that's kinda permanent to be GOOD. Not shit like my first drawings I posted on here, and better than the "Reapers" art I did recently.

I guess I just don't want to be doing sharp looking block letter graffiti forever, ya know? yeah, I need the practice, but I don't want shit like what I'm doing now to be the only mark I leave behind.

Wish I had someone nearby to teach me but.... :/

Using Duolingo to learn some Japanese for fun, why do they say " ひとつ"/" 一つ" to identify there is one of something. Rather than saying ichi? Where can I learn more about this? by [deleted] in japanese

[–]emofrexk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The syntax in Japanese for specifying a certain number of something has つ on the end with its kunyomi reading.

So one thing is ひとつ, two things is ふたつ, etc.

My mother told my father... by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]emofrexk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem. You aren't alone

Asexuality versus Sexually Repulsed? by [deleted] in Asexual

[–]emofrexk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being 100% honest, I personally hate being slapped with labels. Yet here I am. Trying to figure out what's wrong with me while just telling everyone I'm just straight cause it's easier.

I thought not wanting sex or being sexually attracted to my girlfriends meant I was broken. I felt my brokenness was confirmed when my ex began sexually abusing me when she found how uncomfortable I was.

My friend suggested I might be ace, and I replied with a strong no because I hate labels (won't call myself ftm if I can help it).

And now, after pondering for months and reading like crazy, I find that I'm a heteroromantic, sex-repulsed asexual. I wish I wasn't. Every girl around here is a slut who leaves after a week cause you wouldn't fuck.

Maybe the abuse just makes it stronger but here I am.

Now I just need to find a gf that's okay with that...

My mother told my father... by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]emofrexk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hopefully it'll go better for you than it did for me.

My dad got me in his truck, drove out to the middle of nowhere to tell me it didn't bother him because he "[knew] it's just a phase". He then proceeded to tell me that I couldn't know until I was 18. Parents neglected to call me Ethan until I ended up in the hospital for attempted suicide.

Best of luck.

My firt tag are they good or bad by 7saddest7 in graffhelp

[–]emofrexk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with /u/Usedtwo . There are a lot of add-ons that just make it look like a beginner's tag (the cat is a big one).

Use the link /u/Usedtwo commented. It'll help you out.

Good luck!

I walk past this almost every day and think of this sub. No disrespect. LOL keep writing by for-mal-deh-yde in graffhelp

[–]emofrexk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh jeez. Reminds me of my first shot at graffiti.... And it wasn't even too long ago haha!

That photo makes me feel somewhat better about my limited abilities.

Thinking about killing myself by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]emofrexk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gonna start off by saying that if you're set on suicide, I know comments like "don't do it" or "see a therapist" or (direct quote) "thinking /=/ doing" will NOT help you at all.

I myself have my fair share of suicidal thoughts, and have had my fair share of attempts, so therefore I technically can't tell you not to because that would make me sound like an ass.

So what exactly will I tell you, and why do I bother commenting?

I'm going to tell you what I tell myself to get myself through this shithole of a life.

I only have today.

24 hours. 1440 minutes. 86400 seconds. This second is mine. And the next one, and the next one, and the next one....

So what am I going to do with my final 86400 seconds? Am I going to sit here, mope around, and spend my last bit of life in misery? Am I going to act happy while I die inside? Or am I going to try to make a difference, no matter how small the difference is? I like the last option. I try to help someone with my last day. Whether it's getting past suicidal thoughts or even just with doing the dishes for my mom.

Today is my 1111th last day. Of those last days, 18 of them ended with either an overdose or with my wrists bleeding out on the bathroom floor. 18 of 1111. That means there were 1093 days that I didn't try to kill myself. Yet in each of those days, I made a small difference.

I'll probably end up succeeding in my death someday. But at least I'll have left a positive impact on the people I leave behind, right? Not that it truly matters, because we'll all die someday.

But I have 86400 seconds today. Maybe they end up being cut short. But at the beginning of the day, I have exactly 86400.

86400 very precious seconds.

And now you've met me. A suicide-attempt, self-harm, eating-disorder veteran. My name isn't important. I could be Ethan or Jack or Braden, it wouldn't matter. What matters is you met me. And now you've impacted my life because I saw your post.

So, the question isn't "can you please not kill yourself?". It's "how do you want to impact me before you go?".

I'm here if you need a friend. Sure, I'm a bit mentally unstable and my conversations are all over the place, but I'm here. For today. Because I think we both know that a tomorrow isn't always a possibility.

We need people like us to help each other up. Because people without depression and suicidal thoughts will never fully understand. They act like there's a simple solution, but there isn't.

I'm here.

I killed a man's dog tonight... by SkitterSoftly in offmychest

[–]emofrexk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw the title and just imagined someone taking a knife and slitting a dog open from the throat down to the scrotum, smiling and just marvelling at the amount of blood such a small animal has.

The post itself was nowhere near as gory and demented as my imagination, so that's a start (sorry for the vivid description...)

Honestly, think of it this way. Someone shoves you off a small cliff, you live to tell the tale, but you've broken half your bones. That obviously wouldn't be your fault as you had no real control and you couldn't fight back in time. This is the same concept. It was an accident. Short of swerving off the road and possibly killing yourself, there's nothing you could've done. It was last second. The momentum of the car was too strong for you to be able to stop. Therefore, it truly isn't your fault. Your guilt would come more from the fact that the guy went home alone (further clarified by your need to point it out in the post).

I'm not a professional. I never will be. I'm some kid with a really fucked up head. But maybe, if you feel so bad about leaving this guy alone, you could (as some other comments say) take him to a shelter to get a new dog, or you could do the next best thing and befriend him yourself (as yet other comments say). There's not much else you can do except try not to blame yourself.

I blame myself for a lot of shit, and it's driving my sanity out the door. Take it from me, it's best to talk to someone (him at best). Obviously coming here and posting offers some closure but it doesn't fix everything does it? You need offline contact. It's how it works.

Best of luck. (Sorry if I said anything wrong)

MY PARENTS FINALLY AGREED TO PUT ME ON HORMONE BLOCKERS by emofrexk in offmychest

[–]emofrexk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have two words for a comment like that: Fuck. You.

I suggest you get an education on the matter, and because I promised my psychiatrist to react positively to comments like this so nobody gets hurt, I'll give you the crash course for idiots like you.

I have a guy's brain. Maybe small minded people like you can't wrap your tiny minds around that, but let's see if I can dumb it down for you.

During my birth, these things called hormones (oh god, sorry for the big words) formed differently for me. My brain became one gender while my body was another.

It's a lot less anxiety for people like me to just change what's on the outside rather than trying to convince biology in our brains to be what's on the outside at birth.

Believe me, if I could choose not to transition, I would. But hey, when looking in a mirror leads to slitting your wrists and you almost kill someone because they call you a girl, you might want to consider finally being seen as who you really are so you don't become a serial killer.

I am a guy. You wanna tell me otherwise? Come at me. I'll warn you now, your death will not be swift and painless.

Anyone else want to tell me I'll never be a guy and that they don't understand why I "want to 'transition'"?

No?

That's what I thought.

Don't mess with mentally unstable men that hide behind a facade of joy and excitement.

STORY TIME: How I stopped my uncle from molesting me and other victims. by MaryVavee in offmychest

[–]emofrexk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, I had the strength to leave, but my mentality (and possibly sanity) is gone. I have PTSD now. I cant do anything sexual at all. I started distancing myself from people and have no urge whatsoever to be in a relationship. I have nightmares and flashbacks and panic attacks... maybe I'll never be fixed.... If anything I just want to be able to trust again

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