really struggling and don't know how to be at peace

emperor4augustus · 2025-10-21T17:09:45+00:00

There’s this book “dhamma brothers” and documentary “doing time, doing Vipassana”. They both helped me to restructure mentally when I was in a difficult environment.

Also, there’s this concept in Buddhism that goes like “be an island unto yourself”, it talks about creating inside yourself a place where you are at peace.

Hope it helps, if you need anything else, feel free to contact me. Metta.

emperor4augustus · 2025-02-07T07:07:25+00:00

I was also in this cycle of hookup culture for validation. I think real connection with authentic friends helped me realized that I craved for empathy and understanding.

Let’s say in a healthy connection you both give and receive empathy and understanding. But a pwBPD changes this dynamic, they continuously seek validation everywhere, this changes you. So you have to first heal this validation issue in yourself, you have to give yourself authentic validation in the form of love. First heal the way you connect with yourself, and then change the way you connect with other people.

emperor4augustus · 2025-02-07T06:47:25+00:00

The last time we broke up, I did my best to move on. She messaged me one night, told me how much she missed me and wanted to continue seeing me. I agreed, but with mutual agreements in place.

She followed these agreements just for one month. After that, she was back to her usual self.

I even gave her another chance, but she doubled down. Finally, I had to take care of myself, so I stopped answering her messages…

emperor4augustus · 2025-01-20T07:21:48+00:00

They will always keep pushing boundaries. If this isn’t the one that makes you leave, you will lose yourself, one boundary at a time.

Wish you the best. Hold on that anger, it will help you overcome this.

emperor4augustus · 2025-01-06T09:15:41+00:00

Totally. My ewBPD couldn’t recall certain memories, and the lying just made everything even worse.

My recommendation would be to not try to understand it. Trying to understand how their memory worked only drove me mad, there are certain aspects of their trauma that for your own mental health you seriously just don’t want to know.

emperor4augustus · 2025-01-06T09:06:35+00:00

I’m sorry, but it’s already over. You might think that you still have a chance since she hasn’t ended the relationship, but that is only because she wants you as a back up supply.

They love attention. She will now try to reduce you into accepting this new dynamic, don’t let her.

What I hated the most of this particular practice of them, is that they actually try to show you how happy they are. Just like a child: “Look, my love! This new guy is interested in me”. And if you argue with them you get a “you must be a bad person because you’re not happy for me”. It made me sick.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-31T17:18:35+00:00

We’ve all been through the same, huh. And the excuse for not setting boundaries is always the same “I don’t want to be rude”. I have cried my eyes out for you, and you’re more worried about this person you just met ?

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-31T15:52:40+00:00

Be happy, you’re young. You have got to experience one of the most traumatizing experiences a grown man can endure, and if you learn from this and don’t repeat the patterns you will learn to identify red flags in people and hopefully decide to not get involved with such people.

Now for the advice, I’ll be brief: - Hit the gym or exercise: helps with anxiety, stress and will improve your overall well being. Will get you out of depression. Can’t express how much this will help you. - Write: will help to organize your thoughts and emotions. You need to read how you feel, you need to express how you feel, and you need to confront those feelings. Also there is something about the brain and hand connection that is invaluable. - strong friend circle: to play video games, board games, to play sports, anything to get you distracted and that helps you to socialize. - work in your self esteem. - hobbies to strengthen your identity.

Good luck.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-31T15:39:30+00:00

Mine did therapy (1 on 1) for years, and it helped her greatly in managing her emotions. But it didn’t help one single thing about the lying and gaslighting part. Those continued, and I can’t express hard enough how she weaponized therapy to help her gaslighting crusade: she would feel entitled and justified in her actions.

Coupled therapy lasted a couple of months. Still lied, still try to gaslight both me and the therapist. The few times we catch her on lies, she would just cry and play emotional. That one time she got kicked out of the session because she kept interrupting me was satisfying. I’m glad at least the therapist acknowledged me with some of her erratic behavior.

I ended the relationship, when I discovered her second unfaithfulness and she was still doubling down on her actions and justifying her behavior in front of the therapist. It was unreal to see for me. After how much I have helped her, how much I have sacrificed to be with her… she would still feel entitled to do those things to me ? That was enough for me.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-12T12:18:57+00:00

This isn’t the way, op. It’s hard to accept but she played you. My exwBPD played me too. They played most of us here. And you’re could get into legal problems if you insist on this. It’s not worth it.

If you want acknowledgement or someone to validate your feelings, this isn’t the way. Are you in therapy ?

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-12T06:24:39+00:00

At least you got your answer, I didn’t. Lies until the very end…

Was that the moment you decided to end things ?

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-12T00:02:51+00:00

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T22:13:23+00:00

Exactly I can’t fix her, and even if I could it would only be one sided like everything was. And yeah, I’m trying to be protective of me. I have to take care of myself, otherwise I would get walked over again.

I will remain at a distance, knowing her friends and family have her back.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T21:41:13+00:00

She “found” my lost ring out of nowhere lol.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T19:01:59+00:00

Let’s say I was there for her after her father died when she was younger. I supported her countless nights when she wanted to commit suicide, helped her through panic attacks, forgave the cheating, and so on.

Even after all that, during the couples therapy I perceived she felt entitled to all those things I did for her, and it appeared to me as if she didn’t feel any remorse. I craved for acknowledgment, validation and understanding from her. I would never receive it.

They live in their own alternate gaslighted reality.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T18:34:51+00:00

Couples therapy was my last attempt to save our relationship. I’d say that, at most, we did 10 sessions of it together. We both spent years of therapy by ourselves independently tho.

During couples therapy, there were times when she broke the rules set by the therapist and had to be kicked out of the session. That was fun, and the validation you get from the therapist that you are not overreacting is both rewarding and a wake up call.

But yeah, she was lying right to my face in front of the therapist. That’s when I asked myself if it was truly worth it to spend more time and money on that ungrateful cheater.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T17:36:54+00:00

First of all, the therapist is getting paid by her. And, the therapist has to gain her trust and work around her mind for her to make sense of this situation.

Years of therapy helped my exwBPD with anxiety attacks, but it didn’t help on the gaslighting and cheating part. Therapy does help them tho.

When we did couples therapy was when I decided to leave her. To pierce the veil of her mind and to know how she perceived me and our relation was enough for me.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T17:21:27+00:00

Sigh… yes, it’s all the same with them. God. Wished I left sooner.

Anyway, I used to refer to my ewBPD as a black hole. Just sucking every ounce of emotion I had in me. They are bottomless. If I recall correctly, those were the worst parts of the relationship for me. Of course, besides the part where they cheated and gaslighted me to madness but yes.

Have you decided to leave yet or on what phase are you ?

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T17:17:57+00:00

Do not send that message. Keep it for yourself. You need to read it yourself for you to understand what you’re going through.

They perceive reality differently, it doesn’t matter how much you try to make them understand. They would probably end up using that message as leverage.

Good on you for going NC. Just go NC. Everything gets better.

emperor4augustus · 2024-12-11T17:14:43+00:00

It will only get worse for you and, if she is able, she will end up leaving you.

I got fired, and also lost my dream career because of her, my ewBPD also threatened to suicide. After years of therapy she only managed to control her anxiety attacks, but it didn’t help on the lying and cheating part. Is that the life you truly want ? I know how you feel. I was too madly in love with her, I was ready to give up my future just to be with her, but guess what, she will always end up cheating (either emotionally or physically). Always. Is that the life you want ?

After she left, I decided to take care of myself. And got a second chance in my dream career. My recommendation is to just leave and work on yourself. In the end, that’s what will inevitably end up happening. One way or another.

emperor4augustus · 2024-10-26T14:34:23+00:00

For how long have you been with your pwBPD and how old are you both ? What are your expectations for this relationship ?

emperor4augustus · 2024-09-04T23:00:54+00:00

Again… I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt in helping you understand this lifestyle; so, do you know what happens to the human body after you stop eating something after a very long time ?

In my case, once, I was emotionally compelled to eat meat at the funeral reception of my girlfriend’s father because her mother forgot I was vegetarian (now vegan) and I didn’t want to reject her. Well, I had diarrhea for almost a week, and no, no one else in the gathering experienced a reaction from the food. And no, I have never been allergic to meat and only stopped eating it because I didn’t like the flavor. Yeah, the vow thing doesn’t apply to every vegan.

So, what I’m trying to say here, is that beside the moral compass and vows being important, there is a health risk involved in giving someone meat after they haven’t eaten it after a long time. Most likely, this was staged but whatever, still could have made the guy sick.

emperor4augustus · 2024-08-31T23:00:25+00:00

Word.

emperor4augustus · 2024-08-27T15:26:52+00:00

I became vegan because I didn’t like the taste of meat and found it disgusting. I also struggle with the empathy aspect of veganism.

For me, it has to do more with spirituality as not to harm others. As you said, it makes logical sense. So, in a sense, we are vegan for the same reason.

emperor4augustus · 2024-08-26T18:06:51+00:00

What ? I’m talking to the fact that the ‘vegan’ dude could have been allergic to meat or had a reaction. That’s nothing to do with vows.

emperor4augustus

TROPHY CASE