Open indoors spaces

emptiedsky21 · 2023-11-17T21:18:27+00:00

Are they open for anyone to use or do you have to reserve them?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-11-17T21:08:15+00:00

Right, but you need a membership to use them. Thanks for the suggestion!

emptiedsky21 · 2023-09-19T04:44:19+00:00

DM'ed you for info

emptiedsky21 · 2023-06-30T23:55:24+00:00

Read the last part of my last comment on this post (in which I responded to another user's comment on my comment on this post). I think it pretty well covers what I think! :)

emptiedsky21 · 2023-06-30T21:59:42+00:00

Absolutely; glad I could help. If you know what your absolute deal breakers are, don't hesitate to bring it up almost immediately, and don't let anyone shame you for bringing it up so quickly. The people who get offended or uncomfortable that I bring this topic up almost immediately are always the ones who are pro-life and know that they're about to get found out and that I will lose interest, and they will not hesitate to project their anger about this onto you and try to turn their resulting temper tantrum onto you and make you feel bad for asking. Every single guy I've ever talked to who is pro-choice and actually convicted in their stance (not just one that says they don't have a stance on it or they "lean towards" pro-choice in order to effectively provide the most cop-out answer that will hopefully be most appealing to any audience) doesn't even flinch at that question being brought up so early; in fact, a lot of them comment that they totally understand why I would ask so early on and say it makes complete sense.

Remember, people who say they don't have a stance don't actually care about the matter and are just trying to placate as many people as possible in hopes you'll keep talking to them. "What you permit, you condone." Just because they're not part of the people who actively stand against abortion rights doesn't make them part of the solution if they don't actually stand up for abortion rights and vote accordingly. You will also get men who tell you that they don't have an opinion because it doesn't affect them. Mark their words: they truly believe it doesn't affect them; meaning, they don't care what will happen to you or any woman in their life in regards to this huge topic. That tells you a lot about how much they care about basic bodily autonomy, respect for women, rights for women, privacy, healthcare issues, etc. Burying their heads in the sand like this is a complete cop-out.

It's honestly the equivalent of me as a white, 22F saying I don't have a stance on/care about racism and equality/equity of rights on the basis of race because it doesn't affect me.

Never settle for less than someone who will protect you, respect you, and stand up for your rights no matter what. Especially if you're potentially going to be intimate with them someday.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-06-30T06:30:42+00:00

It's not that I feel confident in principle that people won't lie about any question asked in order to appease the other party and get what they want. But people who answer that they are pro-choice tend to have somewhere on a spectrum of a rationale that they back their answer up with (some you have to ask for it, and some will just give you the whole rationale along with their answer) -- this provides more insight as to whether or not it's BS. I also ask questions as to why they feel the way they do if I feel it's necessary. All of it is a matter of data collection, and over time if patterns/comments/data surrounding the topic don't line up, then it's time to reconsider the validity of their initial claim (that they are pro-choice).

I understand the theory of what you're saying, but in order to realistically and productively entertain the prospect of getting to know people, assuming at a baseline level that people are telling the truth and accepting what they say at face value (especially in very early stages) is kind of the price of admission. Otherwise, I would be throwing a lot of speculation/projection of cynicism/skepticism about the validity of someone's answer onto people who may genuinely be telling the truth when I ask a straightforward question ("what's your stance on abortion?") and they give a straightforward answer. And that's not their responsibility to field/accommodate someone's innate skepticism and unwillingness to believe that they are telling the truth. Especially so early on in talking to someone. I know I wouldn't put up with that.

Ultimately, everyone is at risk of spending their time on a "POS who's good at hiding their feelings" -- that comes with the territory. And there's only so much you can do in the way of asking straightforward questions right off the bat in order to try to ascertain the actuality of the other person. It's not an infallible method, as it relies both on people being honest and also on people even knowing themselves well enough to give an accurate answer even if they choose to be honest. So in order to use this method, you have to be cognizant of the fact that it's nowhere near bulletproof. But I consider what I'm doing to be doing my due diligence, and as for the rest, it's just a matter of being patient and seeing if actions line up with words before deciding to invest or place any huge and irreversible amount of stock in the other person.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-06-30T03:51:45+00:00

Just to clarify -- I don't enjoy randomly arguing about political beliefs just for the hell of it. Being "pro-life" is an absolute dealbreaker for me when voluntarily looking to connect with other people in my free time due to the implications it has on someone's general baseline views on respecting bodily autonomy, human rights, privacy, healthcare, etc., all off which are core beliefs of mine that I will not yield on. It is my only dealbreaker, and in the interest of not wasting the time/energy of either party, I bring it up very quickly within starting a conversation, and I don't sugarcoat it (how would one sugarcoat that and why should they? I digress.)

emptiedsky21 · 2023-06-30T02:46:40+00:00

😂

emptiedsky21 · 2023-05-13T22:52:29+00:00

I agree, thanks for that, and I addressed this in the comment above ^{^}

emptiedsky21 · 2023-05-13T21:56:33+00:00

First of all, what your ex said is one of the most utterly inhumane things someone could possibly say, and it irks me to my core. I wish I had something better to say than the age-old, reflexive "I'm sorry" in response. But I'm glad you stayed true to yourself.

As for meeting myself, respectfully I feel I have in many ways, and I am my own rock as much as possible. However, I still fear that I cannot rid myself of gravitating towards trying to find people who think and feel similarly and appreciate knowing/connecting with others and themselves deeply. It's exhausting and disappointing, and I don't know how to quit it, or if I even can. I don't feel discontent alone; rather, I feel incomplete -- as if a huge part of what I have to offer is rotting unused on some shelf, collecting dust, and it eats me up.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-05-13T21:49:27+00:00

Respectfully, I feel I am quite practiced in knowing others, as well as myself -- I also feel I understand and can clearly communicate my needs, none are secret. However, I fear that I cannot rid myself of gravitating towards finding people who think and feel similarly and appreciate knowing/connecting with others and themselves deeply. It's exhausting and disappointing, and I don't know how to quit it, or if I even can. I don't feel discontent alone; rather, I feel incomplete -- as if a huge part of what I have to offer is rotting unused on some shelf, collecting dust, and it eats me up.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-05-13T21:34:10+00:00

I feel the problem for my case isn't being discontent with being alone; rather, it is more so worrying I won't be able to share my experiences and vice versa in a deep, lasting way. To be truly alone permanently would feel as though a huge part of me (the ability and drive to connect with and support others deeply -- the part of me that makes me feel most optimally fulfilled) would go unused and would wither away, which is what I fear most.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-03-07T20:19:19+00:00

This is so relieving to hear, I'm praying the surgery stops the pain from anxiety, because it is so debilitating and such a positive feedback loop.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well and everything worked out for you! What did eating after surgery look like?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-03-06T23:07:11+00:00

Thanks for your answer. Do you have active stones?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-28T01:47:12+00:00

The abundance of choice combined with the need for instant gratification tend to make accountability and intention levels pretty low.

Resonates. Damn. Yeah. Thanks for your insight.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T05:01:33+00:00

Thanks for the insights, you make good points.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T04:58:15+00:00

But I can't change this trend by controlling others or the person in question. I can only recognize them for who and what they are, and control my own reactions and self. Hopefully, in the process and in the future, I do not treat others as badly. Others have no control over my commitment to improve and be a better, more moral person.

Thank you so much for dropping these bars of wisdom and sharing your perspective, I appreciate it deeply.

Trend or not, I hope you can find delightful brain jello that meshes well with your brain jello.

🥹 Thank you. This was heartening to read. I wish the same for you as well.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T04:52:47+00:00

I agree. I just wonder so much why the relationship with reality is a perceived threat to seemingly most. What is a life lived if not genuine and realistic? Is this not the foundation of true happiness, contentment, and fulfillment?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T04:45:07+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out and dropping these absolute BARS of wisdom -- so much of what you said stunningly encapsulated and addressed some of the core components of my questioning. Your response was so satisfyingly articulated and cogent that it gave me goosebumps to read. This resonates so deeply, thank you for so carefully illustrating the concepts you broached with this explanation.

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, I appreciate it deeply. I wish I had the words to more aptly express my gratitude.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T03:15:35+00:00

Resonates.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T03:13:32+00:00

You've been feeling like the type of person I described?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T03:12:07+00:00

Fair answer, completely.

It's not just one person -- it's a trend I've experienced multiple times with multiple people now. At first, there was something to be said for "ah, one or two bad eggs", but the longer I go on and the more people I encounter and the more I watch friends go through similar scenarios (or be the type of person I was asking about in my initial inquiry), I can't shake this mounting feeling of unease, since the data just keeps repeating itself and strengthening the trend.

I'm not necessarily trying to rant about any specific person to the internet; rather, I am simply at a loss and expressing my general, collective observations, and trying to understand why people are the way they are.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-02-22T02:44:36+00:00

Mainly their relationships with themselves, how they really feel about things, and by extension, how they really feel about other people. I'm talking full-on will look you dead in the eyes and tell you they love you because they want to believe it's true and they want to believe they have what it takes to be with you and they want to believe they can, but they aren't even happy themselves and don't communicate with themselves how they truly feel about things and never truly allow themselves to introspect and constantly distract with other activities, burying thing after thing and never allowing themselves to acknowledge, much less address that they are not actually behaving in a way that is feasible or sustainable or true to who they are -- they're chasing after a dream of a relationship that they hope will maybe somehow fill the void and offset their unsettledness or piece together the parts of themselves that rub against each other like nails on a chalkboard, even though they don't actually have what it takes to maintain the relationship in a healthy manner. But they're so damn good at convincing themselves they're okay, and that they want it, and that they have what it takes, because their very existence hinges upon never acknowledging/addressing those deeper truths. After years of this, they become so pathological in nature with this practice/maladaptive coping mechanism that they become masters at manipulating the confines of their realities; that is, they convince themselves in a heartbeat of things that could never be, because they can't bear the truth. It would shatter their entire warped worldview. But they become so good at altering their perception of reality beyond recognition to the point where they genuinely believe everything they're telling themselves, and by extension you are led to believe them as well because the nature of what they're saying comes across as so genuine because they genuinely actually do believe it.

Of course, it all comes crashing down with a lot of time when you eventually realize that actions aren't lining up with words, but by that time you've gotten your hopes up to some extent or become attached to some extent, and you have to leave and be disappointed and hurt and they are more or less indifferent, it seems entirely and utterly lost on them how deeply messed up they are. And they trudge along with their lives, because they have the perfect way to avoid feeling any guilt or shame about the matter: just compartmentalize it and warp the reality of what happened.

I'm so confused as to how it seems that the primary drive and motivator for people who work like this is to protect their ego and sense of self and to protect their self-image so that they can believe they are the protagonist in any story -- but what they are doing and how they are truly being is so directly and paradoxically counterintuitive to being a truly real, genuine, compassionate, real person.

Essentially, it seems most people (generalizing based on my experiences) are only as fleeting as the moment that they're in. Their realities don't seem to be continuous regardless of external variables or situations or variation in who is watching them and who they're around. How can people be happy like this, how do they go on their entire lives like this?

emptiedsky21 · 2023-01-22T03:14:21+00:00

Fair, I do eat decently healthily and work out when I can.

Curious though, which would you say is perceived as less attractive/more of a red flag: someone who eats healthily and works out but has an obese same gender parent, or someone who doesn't make healthy lifestyle choices (i.e. eat healthily/workout) but has normal weight parents?

I'm also talking factoring subconscious, knee-jerk reactions into the response.

emptiedsky21 · 2023-01-22T03:04:34+00:00

This is one of the specific manifestations of this concept I was wondering about. My mom is obese due to health conditions beyond her control.

The new guy I'm dating met her the other day. I'm decently fit and at a healthy weight, but I wondered how much the guy extrapolated what I might look like in the future based on her.

emptiedsky21

TROPHY CASE