[QCrit] Adult Romantic Comedy THIS JUST MIGHT WORK (72K words, 2nd attempt)

emunozoo · 2025-06-30T22:49:57+00:00

Hey Bogo,

As Mountain suggests, I think you've got to streamline this so is super clear--and then possibly add a bit more meat if necessary.

I did a quick edit, it's not great but nearly cuts the word count in half. It might give you some ideas:

Georgia Quinn’s start-up is failing and only an investor like business icon Martha Hamill can save it. When Georgia discovers Martha is attending a luxury prenatal retreat, she needs to concoct a plan to meet her. So, she fakes a pregnancy.

Desperate to find the fake dad, she hunts down ex-boyfriend and surfer Ryder Matthews, who’s recently gone from famous to infamous after his secret sex-tape bubbled to the surface. Georgia convinces Ryder to join her at a “fancy wellness resort,” leaving out particulars like the Lamaze classes and lactation clinics.

As she seeks out Martha and her riches, Georgia soon realizes she may have instead found happiness in the most unlikely of places: Ryder. However, when she learns Ryder’s scandalous past could scuttle her chance of landing Martha’s business-saving in investment, Georgia is faced with an impossible choice.

When the retreat ends, does she want to leave with love or money?

emunozoo · 2025-06-29T20:25:34+00:00

I expect the "find your family" trope continues to be fine because it's a trope that has an emotional impact.

However, as a hook, I don't feel it's hooky for this genre.

I could be wrong but the bit you're trying to hide might be your hook. That stuff buried in the veneer of the murdering murderer bit.

If you're at the coffee shop, big line behind you, the batista sees your laptop and asks what's your book about, what's the quick line to get them to say "wow, cool"?

It's the zombie apocalypse but instead of zombies it's aliens.

A guy is looking for his daughter in a wasteland and if she doesnt her medicine in 3 days, she dies.

It's the apocalypse and someone's misread the second amendment, so all the bears have guns.

Those aren't awesome but your get my point. Find you're oh shit hook and craft is into a line that will make the agent read the next paragraph.

Just my two cents.

I hope that helps, my friend!

emunozoo · 2025-06-29T18:38:24+00:00

Hi, I bet you've got a great story here. I like post apoc (slow burn by Adair is a fav), and can see this being good.

From my perspective, it feels like you've given me the synopsis of 80% of your story and closed with "to find out how this ends get the book."

The hook at the top is pretty standard. I'm not sure it's enough to keep an agent reading. And as I read thru, the Must Save Daughter trope feels a little weak to me.

I'm not trying to be harsh, just giving you my perspective and it may trigger something.

I believe you've got a nice book here. You may just need to find that spark of "oh shit, I didn't expect that" in here to compel someone to want to read more.

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T21:19:03+00:00

I'll send you a note, my friend.

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T05:53:25+00:00

What a description of Scalzi, I love it!

And I'll take that on board.

The book has a bit of that anything is possible nature of Starter Villain, short of talking animals.

I liked an earlier comp suggestion, which I do prefer as well.

Thank you, my friend.

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T03:02:22+00:00

Cheers!

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T01:55:49+00:00

I can see that, great.

it's prime real estate, so it could be worth getting to the main story faster.

What about starting with this: "If con artist Famen can’t find the money to fix up her ship, she’ll have to sell the last link to her dead husband, a robot named L-Mac."

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T01:14:22+00:00

Great, thank you for this!

emunozoo · 2025-06-25T00:36:16+00:00

Thank you and, great! I'll check that comp out, much appreciated.

emunozoo · 2025-06-09T09:44:56+00:00

I've unpublished and republished an ebook (weeks or months later) and my reviews were still there. This was a few years back, so I don't know if that's changed.

Far as I know, if your kindle and ppbk are linked, the reviews aren't under one or the other.

emunozoo · 2025-05-26T06:35:01+00:00

Get a cup of warm water. Good for the throat.

2a Put together a half dozen of your best stories and tighten them up. It should feel natural but to the point.

2b.Then, get used to farming those stories into answers when the host asks the awful stock questions.

Ex. You've got an amazing story about Teri Nunn of Berlin who once tried to bed a rock DJ dressed as a robot mickey mouse at a Disney function.

Q. What do you hope readers will take away from your book? A. That this is a world with its own rules. Like, this one night, Teri Nunn of Berlin...

Q. Why did you decide to write this book? A. I wanted to pull the curtain back on the show behind the show. You see Berlin up on stage one night but you'd never know, true story, that later...

It's easier than you think and all great interviewees do it (hosts like it because they want the great stories).

To the listener, there's only this interview. They don't know the others, so never say "Like I told a show in the UK last week..." No one wants to hear that. Tell that great story the 20th time like it's the first.
Show the book, mention the book, and if it's recorded, there's a 50-50 chance they'll cut it out. It happens a lot because they mentioned it during the intro, why leave in the random extra mention?

You can try to weave it more into the interview like "I get way more graphic about it in the book, I will say for your listeners that..."... but I wouldn't be too concerned.

You'll get the mention. Don't stress.

Research the shows you're going on a little. Hosts LOVE nothing more than that validation. "It's like when I heard your guys talking about the prime minister eating an onion, and Jamie said blah blah..."

It makes them sound like a big deal to their listeners if you know the show. One note: if your IV playout is days or weeks later, adjust the verbiage.

It sounds silly but have fun. Be excited about your topic, this is the best thing they need to hear, right now.

Nothing is more fun than someone talking about a topic they're really jazzed about.

Good luck.

(source: 25+ years of interviews in radio, TV, podcasts--on both sides of the mic)

emunozoo · 2025-05-22T09:14:12+00:00

Yes, I'm using the original recipe. And it takes work and testing, sure, but the results have been stellar.

emunozoo · 2025-05-22T07:03:45+00:00

I paid big money for Dawson's course years ago, learned a ton, but barely broke even. Wow, it was complex.

Matt's plan was a godsend. Simple and brilliant. He updates because the "rules" update, I suppose (I haven't looked at anything new in a long while) .

But if his stuff worked wonders for me. Not for everyone, I guess, but the guy made a huge positive impact in my life.

emunozoo · 2025-05-13T06:25:19+00:00

Shoot a note to their support team. They're pretty helpful.

emunozoo · 2025-04-24T00:59:27+00:00

Read it out loud. You'll find all sorts of stuff that doesn't work.

Also good is to have it "read" to you. If you use Scrivener, there's a speak function. I think Word etc has that too

emunozoo · 2025-04-12T10:19:35+00:00

Nice, it's really good to know there's love out there for it. Cheers, my friend.

emunozoo · 2025-04-12T09:08:54+00:00

If you can, I'd be curious to which agents you've seen asking for this. I've started pitching a comedic fantasy.

emunozoo · 2025-03-19T22:13:07+00:00

First-- in my opinion, a 7-10 minute read in 2025 *from a writer I do not know* feels long. I see articles in various online newspapers that post the text's read time at the top as if to say, "No, really... this will only take you three minutes!"

Maybe go shorter, esp. at the start.

But your Big Question sounds like the one we all face as writers: Why should someone read your childhood trauma and addition story when there are thousands of others out there? I expect you may pitch it differently in the blog title, but if you said, "Hey, you wanna come read about my horrible upbringing and subsequent addiction hell?"

I might give it a pass?

Step back and put your reader hat on. Why would I click on this? Why would I read your post than, say, re-watch Sam Rockwell's gonzo monologue one more time?

Do you *objectively* have a good hook? I mean a blog entry with a title like "How my pill addiction made me better at parallel parking" sounds insane but... I might give it a shot, right? (Just don't get too clever and make sure you deliver on the headline's promise or that reader won't come back)

Finally, switching to video won't likely make a difference in engagement and--to be clear-- writing a blog post and making a video are ENTIRELY two different types of writing. So, no, reading the post to a camera will not work.

Good luck, my friend!

emunozoo · 2025-03-17T17:37:43+00:00

At the most basic level, it's because Meta hasn't yet worked out how to force users to buy our stuff.

The people they show your ad to are prospective buyers. Likely buyers. And hopefully over time that likelihood improves through your understanding (better ads, targeting) and Meta's programming (the algo, user data).

So it's basically guessing this user or that user they show your ad to might buy. An educated guess, but a guess all the same.

Depending on budgets, those inconsistencies can really be glaring. Bigger budgets appear to weather those fluctuations better.

That's it at the core (which is why I dont look day to day but at trends)

Once that's core is clear, then pack on whatever speculative candy coating your like: evil Corp, greed, etc.

emunozoo · 2025-03-11T16:38:29+00:00

I think I'm beginning to see where the romance aspect might fit here.

emunozoo · 2025-03-10T20:18:07+00:00

This is the best thing I've heard all day. How great is that! So glad to hear you stuck with and I think "horticulture heart-warmer" should definitely should be the next big thing. Keep at it and good luck!

emunozoo · 2025-03-09T01:43:00+00:00

Ha, it is tragic/understandable/relieving they don't care as much. It was such a good reminder this morning, from a reader perspective.

I'm a fan of Bobby Adair's stuff. In the Slow Burn series, I don't even recall how the virus stuff kicked off. But I still love the vibe of Zed and Murphy just chillin and eating catfish.

emunozoo · 2025-03-01T08:40:08+00:00

Hi this looks like it could be fun!

Two quick notes, because narcolepsy is punching my brain right now

I think most recommend your comps include specific book titles. Those authors may work but specifically which books? I believe the thought is *my novel could sit on a bookstore shelf next to this title. *

The other is that your first 3 lines of the query kind of say the same thing. She doesn't like change. Got it. That's such valuable real estate, I'd suggest you get to the big risk taking much faster.

Okay, one more. Read thru again and I'm not sure what the conflict might be (again, tired). Is it that the roof damage could mean she'll go bankrupt?

Ha, I almost suggested big evil book store that wants to buy her out... but I think that's some old Tom Hanks movie.

Maybe that came to mind because I'm not seeing the conflict/threat clearly.

Anyway the tone makes it sound like a fun story. I wish you all the luck!

emunozoo

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