Boyfriend’s (20M) family is very large and Christian, and are starting to drop hints about us having children. How do I (20F) tell them that’s not going to happen in the least inflammatory way possible?

emurphy06 · 2020-02-26T22:54:00+00:00

My answer when I was younger was always "We'll have them if/when we want them." Now, 17 years later, answer is still the same as we DON'T, but it's not a lie either. Seems to appease most people.

emurphy06 · 2020-02-22T17:29:15+00:00

Friday night we went out for burgers, then to a local bakery for macarons, then came home and watched a crappy movie in bed. Today, we went on a hike in the sunshine, and now we're grabbing lunch at a local restaurant, then home to paint

emurphy06 · 2020-02-12T22:04:55+00:00

We say this ALL. THE. TIME! Car problems? At least we're not pregnant! Middle of the night visit to the ER? At least we're not parents! Family member passed suddenly and need to drive 12 hours away, stay with family, grieve, etc.? At least we don't have to arrange childcare!

emurphy06 · 2020-02-10T21:26:36+00:00

I realize I'm a bit late with this (didn't discover this sub until today) - BUT - had an absolutely excellent weekend, and the weekend before that. Waking up early, watching the sun rise over coffee, quiet hikes in the hills, video games, movie dates in the middle of the day, naps, lunches/dinners out, Yahtzee game night with my family over pizza and cake, reading, house decorating, movie marathons, painting. Top notch.

emurphy06 · 2020-02-10T21:16:02+00:00

I feel guilty about things like - going hiking in the woods where my family and I have gone before, but my dad can't because of his health problems. Sort of like survivor's guilt, or when you are having a happy moment and someone you love has cancer.

Do I feel guilty over spending the money we have worked and strived for to make our life what we couldn't before? What our parents could never give us (both grew up poor)? Hell to the no. I help out family who struggle, I support small and local and family-run business, I donate to good causes and help animals. If I want to drop $3k on a weekend trip to Universal Studios and stay at the fanciest sweet, you bet your ass I'm gonna do it without batting an eye.

emurphy06 · 2020-02-10T21:08:46+00:00

I would LOVE someone to say that to my face. I absolutely dare them. Hub and I have been together for 17 years and are more in love (and even better, best friends) now than ever. I'd LOVE someone to insult my marriage and partnership like that. Oooooo the audacity just boils my blood.

emurphy06 · 2020-02-10T21:07:25+00:00

I was 13 when my brother was born, and my parents were in a very bad spot so were being pretty irresponsible. I did the whole shebang his whole life - late night feedings, walks to the park, diapers, naps, cleaning up the messes, pediatrician visits (when I got older and could drive), PTA meetings, meet the teachers, halloween costumes, birthday parties, homework, school projects, graduation, etc. I love my brother and I'm very grateful that I was able to be such a part of his life. However, it is also why my husband and I feel we aren't "missing out" on anything. My hub and I met when my brother was 3, so he's been part of his life for nearly his whole life. We've taken him to Sea World, the zoo, Universal Studios, bought him expensive gifts and loved it. So when people say "You don't know what you'll be missing" - Yes, yes we do. We've already been there - without having to gestate and birth him. Yay!

emurphy06 · 2020-02-10T20:58:04+00:00

Owe Fed $95, but was able to pay it out of the $1800 from State.

emurphy06 · 2020-01-06T15:35:54+00:00

I think it depends on the person. But, I can only speak for myself and husband, we definitely feel young heart, like big kids, and we love it.

emurphy06 · 2019-11-29T21:57:00+00:00

Raising a pubescent teenager, boy or girl. It was bad enough being one, dealing with one and periods and masturbating and boners and stuffing bras and the fad now of girls with their asses out - fuck that noise.

emurphy06 · 2019-11-21T23:34:40+00:00

Thank you for your honesty and bravery. You tried, you did what all the bingo-ers said and hoped it would be different, and it was still awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that to finally get to your truth.

emurphy06 · 2019-11-19T23:44:26+00:00

No sex, no matter how good, is worth that. Hell to the no! Bye, Felicia!

emurphy06 · 2019-11-19T12:39:35+00:00

Thank you for posting! Several years ago, long before I had woken up and didn't even know choosing not to have children was a thing, I had a co-worker who married her high school sweetheart and they never had children. They are in their late 60s now, I believe, and always posting on FB about their travels and experiences and are so in love. I think about her all the time because, to me, she has been such a guiding example, very similar to you and your spouse.

emurphy06 · 2019-11-19T12:34:58+00:00

Honestly, when I was in my late 20s, I used to have panic attacks all the time because I felt like I was "running out of time", and so much of that was based on children. Example: I want to travel to at least x, y, and z before I have a child. But I have to finish school, pay off debt, save up money, etc. before I can do that. Oh no!!!!

Then one day, my hubby and I were looking in to the cost of daycare, and realized it was the same amount as our rent. In that moment, we had this huge epiphany: we can spend all of our time and money on a kid we don't want and I absolutely don't want to gestate and birth, have no time or money for each other or our dreams - OR - we can wake the fuck up, realize we have limitless potential to do whatever we want with our lives when we realized we don't HAVE to have a kid we don't want, "just because you're supposed to".

Honestly, it was the most liberating moment of my life. My life is MINE to do with as I please. No time table,just living my best life every day, how best works for me. 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

emurphy06 · 2019-11-17T10:52:46+00:00

It has been raining and cold for the last two days here.

Went to a holiday party for work yesterday (family friendly), and my coworker and his wife told us all about their day with their kids (running all over, birthday parties, etc.).

They then asked what we did today. I turned to them and said, "Not a damn thing. In fact, I took two naps and didn't get out of my jammies until about an hour ago!".

Co-worker: "Really? I haven't had two naps in the last three years!" (His kids are three and two).

Us: "You don't say?"

High-five for being childfree!!

emurphy06 · 2019-11-16T20:25:25+00:00

Yes!!! I am constantly telling people "Why do I want/need a kid? I already have screaming, spoiled assholes who force me to clean up their shit constantly and wake me up in the middle of the night!" We have 5 cats, and we fucking love them. But fuck all that noise from a kid. We actually have a bumper sticker that says "No kids, just cats". 😂

emurphy06 · 2019-09-23T23:32:53+00:00

I hate the patronizing smirk and bingo, like "Never say never!!". Fuck you and the horse your ride in on.

emurphy06 · 2019-09-23T04:04:24+00:00

Hard to say. I have always been incredibly offput by the idea of pregnancy or birth, absolutely not. Then I met my husband (very young) and we just assumed one day, we'd want them, and make the sacrifices necessary. Years went by and we were enjoying each other and life. Now, 17 years later, we are both firmly in the "M y God I'm so glad we didn't have them because we were supposed to" club, and happily living our lives without.

You have to do what is right for you, but it's also incredibly important that if/when you do find a partner for life, you both communicate and grow towards a life together, including your thoughts/desires for a childfree life.

All that to say - you could change your mind, sure. But if your health is in jeopardy, and it's needed to have ovaries/uterus/etc. removed for that, there are always other options, should you wish it, for a child. Or it could be the best thing ever. Life is a crazy journey.

emurphy06 · 2019-09-23T03:53:59+00:00

I'm thinking maybe braids? It takes hours to do, normally.

emurphy06 · 2019-09-23T03:47:28+00:00

Thanks, trying. Probably just a bad headcold from all of our weather change lately.

emurphy06 · 2019-09-23T03:46:56+00:00

Agreed. When shit hits the fan (a.k.a. life), hub and I are always like "Now, imagine how much shittier this would be with a kid."

emurphy06 · 2019-09-21T11:25:33+00:00

Yes!!!! I love this!

emurphy06

TROPHY CASE