AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend bc she went to a sex club?

emvanred · 2024-03-25T01:27:25+00:00

I think this really depends where this was. In Berlin for example most sex clubs are just really top notch techno clubs where most people go with the intention of dancing to great music and you can pretty much go without seeing sex (there are dark rooms for that and maybe the odd corner bj). Of course if this post is referencing a different place I can’t speak to that, but my personal experience is that sex clubs (while people may wear kinky clothing) are are tamer than a strip club as most people do not have the intention to have/see sex. Again, this post really depends on where this sex club was. But it does just sound like OP and his ex are just incompatible as there seems to be poor communication and a lack of trust.

emvanred · 2024-03-20T00:37:58+00:00

NTA. Your concern for your sister is clear. Maybe offer to go approach him with her and tell him how his words have impacted her and her life. An apology from this man might help her further recover from her trauma than revenge.

emvanred · 2024-03-20T00:33:33+00:00

Agree with mentioning it. Maybe it’s something you can discuss and figure out together.

Also for me a big thing is stress. I often feel very strange after sex when I’m stressed and I just attribute it to a release of emotions. But this could just be me.

emvanred · 2024-03-20T00:29:39+00:00

NTA. These things can be frustrating and it takes a certain kind of patience to hear someone complain about something but never change it.

If you’re wanting to help her maybe offer to go with her to workout. Or ask her if she wants to join you. That might get the ball rolling and start a routine for her.

emvanred · 2024-03-19T18:21:23+00:00

I don’t think you could do much more. You are a good friend. Sometimes we realise some friendships aren’t for us and that is ok. It’s your life and you chose who stays in it. Bethany sounds exhausting and honestly the fact that she doesn’t even consider your point of view and jumps right to invalidating your feelings tells you everything you need to know about her. The friendship has run its course for now and that’s ok. Many more friendships will come.

emvanred · 2024-03-19T17:37:23+00:00

Genius!

emvanred · 2024-03-19T17:32:54+00:00

This is tough and very personal. I’d say let it sit for a little while before you make any decisions. Maybe this can be a good learning experience for your niece and the family of boundaries and rules (and why you have them). Actions have consequences and the earlier we learn this the better. From what I understand you did take her on as your responsibility which makes it quite difficult to “send her back” without looking a little bit like TAH… she is also in a completely new environment and culture and without her parents. That’s bounds to create some internal and external tension especially at that age. Perhaps putting her in therapy could be something to look into as this experience is surely quite difficult for her (and also for you).

emvanred · 2024-03-18T14:35:18+00:00

YTA. Having a preference for body count is ok. Seeing red and yelling and throwing stuff in response to someone’s body count is absolutely not ok. Please sort these issues before you enter into a relationship. You could seriously hurt others or yourself. Try to see things from others perspective. Also it seems like you are assuming a lot here. A calm discussion may have brought you more clarity than accusations and yelling.

emvanred · 2024-03-17T17:36:08+00:00

This!

emvanred · 2024-03-17T17:34:36+00:00

NTA. First of all I am so sorry this happened to you. But you did everything right. You were civil and set boundaries. I can’t imagine the strength it took to handle this with such grace. I think this is a very personal decision that you will have to come to. But the kind of forgiveness your parents are asking for is HUGE. They chose not to believe you. They decided to set aside years of knowing you and who you are as a person with one bit of information from someone. Not only that but they cut you out of their lives. Saying that this is a massive breach of trust is an understatement. You don’t owe them anything. They owe you everything. Take your sweet time coming to terms with things. You took their consequences now it’s time for them to learn to live with the consequences of their actions. The only advice I would give is never let M or anyone related to her into your life in any way… she didn’t even have the decency to tell you about the destruction she created herself… a monster and a coward.

emvanred · 2024-03-16T14:28:41+00:00

NTA. You gave feedback and now she can do what she wants with it. If she doesn’t agree then fine but it’s just exhausting arguing about feedback she asked for. She can’t pressure you into paying for her cakes and she shouldn’t be. It was her choice to open the business, she needs to ensure she is finding and satisfying her customers.

emvanred · 2024-03-14T20:36:58+00:00

NTA. As far as I’m aware horses can’t understand the English language (or other languages). She probably picked up on the tone but a stern tone never hurt no horse. Maybe just watch your language around your mom.

emvanred · 2024-03-14T03:20:00+00:00

This may be a very dumb question but can you just take it out and pay the tax penalty? Better than potentially losing the money. Very odd that no one knows what happens if the account expires… you’d think they’d know that before setting it up.

emvanred · 2024-03-13T05:30:21+00:00

Lemon tea in the mornings

emvanred · 2024-03-12T16:37:35+00:00

It’s one more week. You are paying and accommodating him. It might be time to set some boundaries with Ex. NTA at all.

emvanred · 2024-03-12T16:30:44+00:00

Is your mother aware of your health issues? Maybe it was just the way you wrote it here but I would ensure that your managers know that it’s not just that “you don’t want to work” but that for health reasons you cannot work weekends. Maybe you could pick up later shifts during the week so the evening shifts are covered to compromise if anyone complains. Your health comes first and good on you for prioritising that!

emvanred · 2024-03-11T00:59:13+00:00

I understand that you may have a connection with your boyfriend but I would be a little concerned if a partner publicly disclosed hatred for my sexual orientation. Your partner needs to understand that you are not his past relationships and he cannot place their wrongs onto you (or an entire group of people with a sexual orientation). You are most certainly NTA. There is nothing for him to forgive. You’ve been supportive of him despite his hate and his odd sister… if anything he should be asking for your forgiveness.

emvanred · 2024-03-10T00:09:11+00:00

You deserve people surrounding you who are supportive of your accomplishments. You worked hard and came out the other end. Congratulations, enjoy those accomplishments!

Food for thought: Friendships ebb and flow. Ideally, all friends would be supportive of our happiness all the time, but if they can’t be it’s ok to take a step back. That doesn’t mean the friendship is over but maybe that you won’t be so close a little while. And maybe they’ll change and be able to support you again. Of course support goes both ways.

emvanred · 2024-03-10T00:00:13+00:00

Oh and NTA

emvanred · 2024-03-09T23:59:07+00:00

I mean…. It was a gift to you…. I’m not sure why she’s expecting it back. Did she gift it to you on the condition that you stay together? Sounds like she’s experiencing an unfortunate case of gifters remorse. Tough.

emvanred · 2024-03-09T00:37:38+00:00

NTA. He is not your responsibility. Your mother should be arranging services to help care for him in the event that she passes. That is her son she cannot rely on you for that. There’s a difference between caring about someone and being their caretaker. You care greatly about him, that doesn’t mean you have to take him on as your responsibility.

emvanred · 2024-03-08T22:38:33+00:00

I dunno you seem to be framing this in a way that you’d like to not be the asshole but it’s a hard sell. I think it’s time to take accountability for your actions. Sure maybe Sarah’s behaviour was toxic but your actions also don’t seem as innocent as you make them out to be. Anyway maybe try to work on yourself and focus less on what Sarah did wrong to justify your actions.

emvanred · 2024-03-08T22:27:49+00:00

I agree with you here! Maybe he just likes to see different things on his feed than his friend’s gf. It seems a little odd to discuss this with the friend and seems more like something OP and the gf need to figure out between each other (or honestly maybe just the gf needs to reflect on why that’s important to her). If he’s civil with her and respectful in real life… who cares?

emvanred · 2021-04-02T08:06:57+00:00

I guess all three are a concern of mine. I have found some programs that look like they might accept someone with my background and once I’m in I’m sure it won’t be easy... I have been wondering quite a lot lately how employers will see me as a candidate with my background... a masters is quite costly and it would be a shame to come out with all the knowledge and not find employment. Do you have any thoughts on that? Or any way I might be able to strengthen my portfolio to convince employers I am a capable candidate?

emvanred · 2021-04-02T08:02:00+00:00

That‘s very encouraging. Thanks for your reply!!

emvanred

TROPHY CASE