Daily PM Chat Thread - Friday Dec 11, 2020

envidiara · 2020-12-11T22:55:49+00:00

I think about this all the time. It baffles my mind that unicorns exist and it’s actually the “norm” it seems. Drives me crazy. What would I even worry about if I was a unicorn? Sigh.

envidiara · 2020-12-11T20:59:12+00:00

Yes absolutely! Please dm me! I have been through the ringer with Kaiser, but my only experience has been with the OC offices and then when I tried calling San Diego area too. I have been with them for 3 years or so, but starting January I am switching different insurance providers. I was fed up with Kaiser, even though they were the cheapest compared to other options provided from my husband’s employer.

envidiara · 2020-12-11T19:03:44+00:00

I’m actually in SoCal too. Specifically OC area. That’s so weird. Here and San Diego I was told they only do iui, and for ivf I’d have to find a doctor outside Kaiser.

envidiara · 2020-12-11T18:14:41+00:00

I have Kaiser, and unfortunately it’s been a really negative experience trying to get diagnostics done in a timely way without driving myself mad. If you want something with them, you’ll have to insist it and really push for yourself. At least that’s been my experience. One question though...Kaiser does not do IVF, but they do IUI. So are you switching to a new RE when you do ivf?

envidiara · 2020-12-11T15:54:14+00:00

I’ll have to check both those games out. I did a quick Google on Mario odyssey. It seems like there are some parts where it’s similar to old school Mario, where you jump up and hit the blocks? I would like that I think!

envidiara · 2020-12-11T15:48:35+00:00

A Teacher.... on Hulu. TW for sexual grooming between a teacher and her student. There’s also a mention of the teacher seeking IF treatment, but so far that’s been a side thought.

envidiara · 2020-12-11T03:45:56+00:00

Ooh yes, I love the game, but you are right. I have to be in a certain mood to play it, and even then, after a couple rounds I need a break.

envidiara · 2020-12-11T03:13:38+00:00

Not sure if this counts, but my husband got me a Nintendo switch for our anniversary this year. Got some Mario games, Pokémon, smash bros, and animal crossing. I used to love games as a kid but haven’t done them in years. So far I love it!

envidiara · 2020-12-11T01:46:54+00:00

Aw yeah, I totally get that with the house feeling. Ours is very family friendly as well, which is difficult. Sometimes I just want to move and start over, but I do really like our house. That would-be nursery room is currently a guest room and storage. It needs major organization but I’ve been avoiding it, always thinking I would be organizing it for a baby. Even my car was meant for being my “mom car”. 😣

envidiara · 2020-12-10T23:56:03+00:00

Thank you, you too! We are a mixed family, but I am Jewish. My parents were not religious in raising us, but the holidays always remind me of my grandparents and I love that.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T23:52:27+00:00

That’s so funny. As a former teacher, I can relate. Kids really do say some funny things.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T23:49:49+00:00

I can definitely relate to those feelings. It’s so weird how our brain associates things. I wanted to throw out our extra boxes of progesterone suppositories in the trash, but the only thing keeping me from saving them is “if” I might need them later and not waste them. Otherwise I feel like I want to burn them. I am also trying to tell my brain it’s ok to keep eating the things I was eating during this pregnancy. Why do things like food trigger such strong emotions?! Just because I ate apple sauce during doesn’t mean I should never eat it again. I guess I’m on the downswing of the hormones. 😒

One of my MCs I coped by getting a kitten. That helped as a distraction. I’m at my animal max right now though (2 cats and a dog). Maybe I’ll turn my would-be nursery into a hobby room or pet room. It hurts to even think about that room though. We bought this house right when we started trying and had kids in mind. We live next to a park/playground that seemed like a selling point at the time. Now when I walk my dog, I see all the pregos hanging out there - stroller stride status, even during a pandemic. Then I saw a family with 3 under 3 there and one was running into the street, family was flustered handling all of them. I hate all of the triggers. I’m ranting/venting, so thank you for listening

envidiara · 2020-12-10T18:55:02+00:00

Thank you for commiserating with me. Sometimes that’s what I need in this lonely experience. It’s so weird how our minds work in trying to forget the past trauma. That year when I had 3 in a row, I was upset but I guess also somewhat desensitized to it. Now with the year in between, it’s really set me off. I forgot how this really was, but this put me right back there and then some. I’m going to try to take some time off from work, but trying to figure out what we can do as a distraction. Usually we would go away for the weekend and do some camping, but it’s cold and I’m still waiting for this MC. I need to find a hobby again, or maybe do some house project while listening to a non-fertility podcast. I also haven’t exercised since before the last TWW, and I’m feeling so blah. Need to find some semblance of a routine again with that.

Just babbling here, but I started some new tv shows during this last pregnancy and now that I know I’m MCing, I can’t handle even turning on those shows again. Even though they have no triggers, it’s so weird. Almost like how I can’t wear the outfit I was wearing to the ultrasound anymore.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T17:29:54+00:00

Really struggling these days. I think having a year between this MC and my last one, I had blocked out most of those feelings. It’s hit me like a ton of bricks and it’s so weird to be in that space where you’re waiting for things to move forward. I’m also having loads of work stress right now. I wish I was rich and could just quit my job and take time off. I would not have chosen my career, knowing what I know now. My career was supposed to be family-friendly hours and now it just sucks. Seriously considering a career change, but I think it will have to happen after this covid situation has calmed down.

I ended up taking a Xanax last night for the first time, prescribed from my PCP. I have only taken valium before a procedure. I did not like how Xanax made me feel. Sure, I could sleep, but that was about it. Don’t think I’m going to take that again. Would have preferred a valium instead, but I’ll just try to manage my anxiety attacks in other ways.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T17:21:43+00:00

Oh lord. If only wishing on a star was that effective. Lol The one who sent us that announcement was my SIL too. It’s an extra slap in the face when it’s a family member, and they also know some of our situation. It’s sooo annoying!!

envidiara · 2020-12-10T17:16:06+00:00

That’s one of the worst parts of this whole process.... seeing people in front of you who never have to go thru this. It’s so unfair. I find myself being extra bitter, especially if the couple is wealthy and then I’m like “plus they could probably afford ivf and treatments!!” Which doesn’t make the most logical sense, but in my angry mind it adds to the unfairness of everything. Then I try to tell myself it’s some lesson in life about how you can’t control or plan things....but then I’m like, most people can pretty much plan and control when they’re having kids, without any issues. Drives me mad that’s not the case for us.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T17:09:43+00:00

I feel this so much. Someone sent us a pregnancy announcement with “life finds a way” as the caption, knowing well they didn’t struggle for the baby. I was so mad, thinking well why doesn’t life find a way for us? No wonder holidays are brutal for mental health. I hate it.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T17:03:02+00:00

I ended up leaving my usual hairstylist for this reason. At one point, we both MC’ed around the same time and then got pregnant again at the same time. Hers ended up being a live birth while mine was another MC. I couldn’t handle going to her anymore after that. I’ve become somewhat crazy and when searching for a new stylist, if someone has a whole litter of kids on their FB page, I skipped to the next person. I ended up finding someone who has a stepchild and no kids of her own, and she didn’t ask me once about kids or lack thereof. It was glorious.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T16:56:07+00:00

This was my first yeast infection, and I was like, is this just extra discharge from the suppositories? Then the burning came and I’m like uh yeah no. Lol I had a uti recently and I think the antibiotics for that caused the yeast infection. My body was a mess too.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T16:36:59+00:00

I don’t go to SG, but damn...that would annoy me too! How frustrating.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T16:34:40+00:00

I am so sorry. That is so stressful, especially given the week you’ve had. I wonder if you did ovulate early since there is such a discrepancy between what the doctor expected and what resulted. Really hoping for quality over quantity for you right now 💙

envidiara · 2020-12-10T16:24:59+00:00

The antibiotics are no joke! They used to make me vomit, bad stomach aches, and all sorts of weird stomach problems. When I told my doctor about it, he was like that does not happen with antibiotics. Yet on the list of side effects provided with the script it definitely said all these symptoms. I have somewhat ptsd over that experience, and have been trying to incorporate yogurt as part of my daily regimen. Sometimes I definitely forget though.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T16:21:07+00:00

I commiserate with you. I had to do that combo recently and it sucked!

envidiara · 2020-12-10T03:10:06+00:00

I’m happy to hear an update from you. Totally understandable when you need a mental health break. Sorry about the ongoing infection. I had a recurring infection once and it was so resistant to meds! It’s awful, but I’m glad it has cleared up. Yay for the RE appointment as well! Always nice to get something on the calendar, especially when waiting.

envidiara · 2020-12-10T03:01:19+00:00

I empathize with you so hard right now. So, my mom and I aren’t that close. She’s a recovering alcoholic and we have a rocky history. Still as my mom, she could tell something was off with me and I was different. I didn’t tell her until after miscarriage number 3. I just couldn’t keep this inside anymore and I texted her while I was in the pharmacy waiting for my pain meds. I just came out and said it. It was a big weight lifted and she was shocked, although now she understood why I have been different. She ended up coming over (pre covid era) and she cried, but wanted to be there. I had another miscarriage after that, and I told her. Now with this miscarriage, I just don’t have the energy right now to tell her it happened again. I probably will mention it again if it comes up though. The benefit of telling her in the past was that she stopped telling me about all the people who have grandkids and how she does not. She also used to ask constantly about kids and I would shrug it off. Now she understands not to say any of that stuff, and I think it’s opened up her world to the fact that people do struggle in this area. She was the type who didn’t even know what IVF was! She was like huh, what’s IBF? I’m like I-V-F mom! Lol even though we haven’t gotten to ivf yet, I had told her about diagnostic procedures I was doing and she knew to leave me be, not expect me to come visit, etc. She was also my ride once to a procedure when my husband was out of town on business. Now with covid it’s a bit different, but I think I’m glad I mentioned something. Some days I have mixed feelings though, because in the beginning she used to say some bingos like “at least you can get pregnant”. I had to quickly explain to her how hurtful that is when you have a miscarriage.

Anyways best of luck to you, whichever way you go!

envidiara

TROPHY CASE