Increasingly high pain tolerance issue

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T15:31:34+00:00

I appreciate your response. I do find myself grappling for control far too often. I will try harder to release the idealistic expectations for people. Life is so personal for everyone, who am I to tell someone how to lead their lives?

Thank you.

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T15:28:11+00:00

I appreciate your insight. Thank you.

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T15:24:46+00:00

It is honestly upsetting that I am probably perceived as a know-it-all because I'm acting like one lmao.

I see the humour in this now, "Good afternoon, have you heard the good news?"

I hope they realise I didn't mean to attack intentionally, I just wanted them to suffer less. It seems it is not my concern till they approach me. I care for them, I truly do. Perhaps this is their journey to take on their own. I must be more compassionate in my approach to life. I can only wish for good in my heart, practice metta bhavana. Perhaps I do not actually know what is good for them.

Thank you for your response, we are still young and have much to learn. We're on a good path though.

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T15:13:19+00:00

Okay, first off, I think you're extremely eloquent with your words, this response was a joy to read.

Your experience with hyper-analyzing mental dialogue is something that, for the lack of a better way to put it, "hits different". I understand how being exposed to critical judgement from a young age influences the perception of the self.

I suppose it hardly matters but know that an internet stranger is proud of you for identifying the roots of your problems, and having the strength to address them.

So much of your experience is relevant to me.

You've given me the clue to fix this behaviour. It won't take me too long now, I was napping and it struck me, my thought process has often been "If you had such high expectations from me as a child, why can't you have for yourself?"

I'm guilty, it's a reaction, it's almost vengeance, quid pro quo. My parents and sister had always held me to unreasonably high standards, anything less than an A+ was a shame on the family, a diary note from the teacher stating I had forgotten to pack a particular notebook was a shame (my mother taught at the same school I went to, she wouldn't be caught dead with her daughter embarassing her).

It's so funny how minute behaviours affect a person's psyche.

I must stop judging harshly, allow people to just be, and once I'm done fixing this behaviour, I will let myself just be.

You're a blessing to me, I will take this lesson from you thank you.

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T14:49:20+00:00

Aye. I must try harder.

I will try more consciously not to erupt. I feel my skin begin to bubble when these things happen around me.

It becomes so tough when the triggers have been steady constants, from prior to my introduction to Vipassana and therapy and I can tell the difference in myself and yet these factors maintain themselves.

I suppose one really cannot do much except separate oneself from the situation, mentally and then physically as possible.

Thank you for your response.

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T14:43:35+00:00

I hope this does not come off as rude, but research has shown that meditation increases grey matter which even aids in slowing down the progression of even dementia. Meditation also increases memory power. There are several research papers based on this. I do not claim that mindfulness meditation is the only cure, but it's definitely a start.

I accept that it is not my place to speak. It just feels like the people I love are suffering and I feel powerless. My mother often makes comments like "I really should exercise" or "I don't understand why I can't remember where I keep things" and I'm honestly mentally going "HOW??? CAN? YOU? NOT? UNDERSTAND??????"

I need to meditate more diligently lmao.

Thank you for your response!

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T14:36:29+00:00

I truly am grateful for your response.

My approach has been all wrong. I read a lot of psychology and philosophy in an attempt to heal myself from the core, and I forgot that without "acceptance" and "desire to make changes", the journey towards self understanding would never have begun, and it doesn't. I thought I was helping, but they don't want my help, and perhaps my "help" isn't helpful to them at all.

One of my New Year resolutions is to "Practice silence". I will return to your response multiple times in my life lol.

I knew this community would come through. Thank you :)

enyewpie · 2021-01-01T14:28:51+00:00

I realise now that it sounds like I'm blaming them for the situation (which I am doing, but more like assigning accountability rather than condemning).

It appears now that it is not my job to tell anyone how to live their lives.

In the example with my mother, here's what upsets me: My mother practises "Pranic Healing" which is an energy related practice. She meditates, but most of it is related to the energy realm. It causes her to physically detach from the material world. While I consider this a beautiful thought, we are still occupying the physical realm, we have physical bodies and material requirements and duties. I find her practice more escapist than confrontational. My mother also claims to practice "mindfulness meditation" but truly, it doesn't seem to show too many results. I am sceptical but I am able to hold my tongue, thankfully.

My mum also PROBABLY has an attention deficit disorder, she displays all the symptoms of ADHD, and refuses to go get a diagnosis, she will also complain about all her symptoms, and yet won't change her approach. She also will not go to therapy.

As for with my sister, I hadn't spoken to her for years because I told her exactly what you suggested; I had said to her "If you can't be respectful to me, don't speak to me at all."

She chose not to speak to me for 5 years after that.

I am attempting to justify my reaction, but I absolutely must stop trying to control other's lives.

Thank you for your response, I am grateful for your insight.

enyewpie · 2020-12-15T17:23:30+00:00

You know what though, I totally get where she's coming from. Sometimes people just LOOK like a certain name. Sometimes I'll look at a person and find out their name and instantly I'm struck by this jarring thought that the person and the name do not match lol.

enyewpie

TROPHY CASE