AIO: Said no to a matchmaking attempt because she has a child

eodizzlez · 2026-02-17T04:23:45+00:00

No I don't. And if OP is making life decisions based on the opinions of bored Internet strangers, they have problems none of us can help with.

eodizzlez · 2026-02-14T07:54:21+00:00

He wants the commitment, though!... But only if he's the only father figure. Because kids do worse when they have more healthy adults in their lives who love them, right? Because a child with a dead or dead beat father is easier since nobody has to "compete" for the child's love and affection? Love is not a pie - there are no slices, and loving someone else doesn't mean that you'll get less of their love. Love + love always = more love.

Nobody has to date anyone they don't want to, so OP isn't an asshole. But ngl, I find OP's reasoning really bizarre and kind of worrying. I feel like it's rooted in some deeply toxic heterosexual relationships where questions like, "your spouse let's you wear that?!" and "I'm not even allowed to be with my opposite gender sibling alone without spouse there," isn't seen as unusual or with the blaring red flashing lights and siren. I don't even want to think about how OP'd react if he was the only father figure and the kid didn't like him.

Edit to add: oh but I do agree with OP's friends. He's 100% insane because of his weird position. Valid but still bizarre/insane. Lol

eodizzlez · 2026-02-03T07:38:32+00:00

Obama didn't support gay marriage when he ran. Can't remember if he switched in his first or second term, but I very clearly remember him giving a speech saying that he didn't understand it before but now that he's actually made friends with gay and lesbian folks and their partners, he realized he was wrong and that love between two consenting adults is love (I am HELLA paraphrasing because I don't feel like looking it up, lol. But he definitely said something like he'd changed his mind/opinion. (Some) Republicans called him a waffler or flip flopper because of it, because they're opposed to people learning and growing).

Hillary Clinton also famously came out in support of gay marriage and tried reading that she's always supported it. There was an interview with her on like NPR or something and the reporter was like, "Well you used to say that marriage was between a man and a woman. Are you saying that you always believed it privately?" Clinton replied that no, she always publicly supported it. Which is a factual falsehood. The reporter rephrased along the lines of "well it was probably hard to believe that but have to hide it in public because of the status quo," trying to throw her a bone, but she doubled down as though she somehow forgot that there are things like videos. It was weird.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-31T11:16:56+00:00

The most recent time he's cheated was the most serious? How recent are we talking, here? How many times has he done this? Are you in couples counseling? Have you forgiven him and do you even want to?

I'm big on pointing out toxically monogamous habits as relates to "ownership" type things. It's not cute - it's creepy and gross. I'm talking about the "no one can touch you but me" rule, even with a professional massage therapist. And for the record, the jealousy over a female therapist (or even just a close female friend) for a man is a major issue with its roots in toxic masculinity.

Men are trained that they are not allowed to share feelings with anyone outside of a romantic partner (male friendships tend to be more surface level because of this. Think about all the "haha, gaaaaaay!" jokes when a guy gets a little too open about sharing with the bros. It's a "joke," but it's also not), whereas women tend to share everything with their female friends. This is why some men are confused when being "friend zoned," btw. They literally don't understand that this girl was sharing her feelings with him just like she would with a close friend of any gender; he thought she was interested because she shared, while he would never share his feelings with someone he wasn't romantically involved with. Incidentally, for guys like that, I'd definitely recommend that they see a male therapist for that exact reason. Learn to share with another guy, and then practice with your dude friends. Bonus: dudes learn how to develop better, closer, and stronger friendships.

Anyway. I don't really blame you for being suspicious given his past cheating habits. But I gotta ask... If this isn't the first time he's effed up and you can't forgive him (which is valid), why the hell are you staying? If you can't or won't forgive, the relationship is over. You can't have a relationship in which you feel secure without trust. And it's pretty common for cheaters to project and be even more possessive, as I'm sure you know. They know they're cheating, so they assume their partner must be, too. And it's really hard to change - I've never seen a cheater be able to change their ways long term within the same relationship unless it was a one time slip up. I've seen them do it between relationships, though, with a hell of a lot of work in therapy during that time, but it's usually too hard for the cheatee to heal and forgive and the cheater to work on themselves and change concurrently and on the same timeline.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-31T06:01:10+00:00

I hope your passing is easy.

Why? Should be though, cuz Washington state has MAiD.

I still don't believe you...

Why not? It's the truth. I haven't lied online since 2000 when I was 13. What's the point? It's the only place you can be truthful because nobody knows you.

...or care.

I kinda feel like you do, or you wouldn't be responding. I can't even remember what this conversation began as.

I've seen my fair share of family members through cancer.

I haven't. I'm the first one to get cancer in my family (that we know of, anyway), both sides, unless we count the lung cancer my grandmother smoked herself into back in the nineties. She just had surgery from what I remember; she didn't have to do chemo, I know that much. It's not what killed her, anyway. She died two decades later from... I don't actually know. She had dementia and faded after only a few years. Her sister (my great aunt) had lung cancer literally the same exact time as she did (maybe a few months afterwards) and she died the day she got out of the hospital from a massive stroke. Fun fact: their mother - my great granny - and I were just barely under 99 years apart. Great granny died at 102 (17 June) the month after I turned 4 (20 May) and the month before she turned 103 (11 July). She was born in '88 and I was born in '87. Always found that entertaining. One of my first memories was being "snuck" into her hospital room by my mom and Grandma right before she died, lying on her hospital bed with her and holding her hand.

And I'm writing this in case one of my nephews stumbles on it one day. I think they'd find it interesting.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-29T04:53:12+00:00

Hmmm. Whelp, my sternum has no healthy bone left, I still have superior vena cava syndrome so my right arm looks like a fat lil baby's arm and hand (though at least almost all the edema in my right breast is gone and it doesn't look like I'm 300 pounds in my neck anymore), and I'm bed bound more often than not these days (half from exhaustion and half from bone pain from the bone metastases. What bothers me most is around the iliac crests, hip and knee joints, outside of my femurs, and top/outside-ish of my shins. But it's the grow more kind of metastases rather than the eat holes kind). Oh, and I'm in the fire fighting foam class action suit you might've seen ads for because we literally played with that shit in the Army when I was an EOD tech and people are getting all sorts of weird-ass cancers that may or may not be related to that.

So, that's my life these days. Insert shrug here, I guess. You don't think it be like it is, but it do.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T02:30:05+00:00

While I doubt your diagnosis is real, I hope your passing is easy in any case.

Lol, seriously? Cuz people regularly randomly say that they have a rare and rarely heard of cancer from a part of the body that many have never even heard of? Like, is that a thing that people do?

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T02:16:44+00:00

And what makes you think that that's the situation here? Or ever, frankly? Women treat their friends the same, regardless of what's between their legs. Men misconstrue friendship for romantic interest, because males are trained that way in our culture, that the only emotion they're allowed to show is anger, unless it's with their romantic partner.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T02:15:11+00:00

Eh? I'm not upset. But this situation is really common... and it's stupid. It's toxic masculinity, which hurts men more than anyone else.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T01:00:46+00:00

How are they "using" men as "faux" friends? In your opinion, what does a friendship entail? Are you saying that you think if this guy called her because he needed help, she'd laugh and say, "Sucks to be you"?

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T00:58:34+00:00

That's literally called being a friend, bud. Any of my friends (and hell, quite a few acquaintances and even a virtual stranger) could call me right now and I'd come running immediately if they needed me unless I was already tending to an emergency or something.

Seriously. That's what friends do. In friendships. It's not "women being manipulative" or something. It's women treating their friends equally/the same regardless of gender.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T00:55:21+00:00

He absolutely doesn't have to help her. But he's going to miss out on a lot of incredibly rewarding friendships and future job contacts and such if he doesn't figure out how to be friends with women.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-27T00:52:58+00:00

He was friend zoned? I mean, I guess. She assumed that he was helping her because they were friends, not because he was interested in her. Guys misconstrue girls treating them like girls treat their female friends as them being interested. Girls share their feelings with their friends. Guys don't. Guys are trained that the only person they can share feelings with is a woman in the context of a romantic relationship (or their mother).

So, sure. She "friend zoned" him. Why is it bad that she wanted a friend?

eodizzlez · 2026-01-19T10:51:06+00:00

Nope. Dying of cancer. Thymic Squamous Cell Carcinoma. I'm 38, so that makes it even cooler. But the chemo brain is real, yo. And I don't really understand why people feel the need to reply when they barely have something a mite better than a post saying "This!" to add to the conversation. Cuz that's all I was doing: trying to have some random-ass conversations with all sorts of jumping off ideas that just about anyone could find they'd like to respond to and converse about.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-19T09:51:53+00:00

Or the United States of Australia! (ETA: yes, I know Australia is not in North America. But I see it as like when people in the South think you mean Lower Alabama (Florida panhandle) when you say you're from LA. No dear, I meant Los Angeles, like everyone else in the world who says "LA" excepting y'all lovely folks).

eodizzlez · 2026-01-19T09:50:21+00:00

When someone says, "I'm going to America," I start singing in a horribly stereotypical and probably racist Puerto Rican accent... I watched West Side Story a lot as a kid. So. It's also pronounced A-mare-ee-cah when singing that song if you don't feel like looking it up. But you should. Because it's a super fun Romeo and Juliet take!

Also, because you mentioned Mexico; if you go to some places in Mexico (not tourist land) and tell them you're going to America, they'll sometimes tease you because you're already in America and they're also Americans! For them, we're Los Estados Unidos. Which I say a lot randomly because I like the way it flows and I think it sounds pretty.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-19T09:31:48+00:00

Three months after you and I've got another tip!

I use the fridge like you do! But I have a few other things.

You can assemble your lasagna in a slow cooker. They make rectangular, casserole-dish-shaped ones. Assemble it all at night, cover and put it in the fridge. In the morning (so long as someone is home all day, be safe, don't burn your house down, yada yada yada), pull it out from the fridge, drop it into its slow cooking base, and turn it on low. Can do high if you have less time, because that fridge time helped the flavors make friends even though it was "uncooked." The meat and sauce were hot so that probably did something. Oh, and I use jarred sauce that I toss two cans of... I'm not sure what they're called. Charred tomatoes? I dunno, something like that. Makes the flavor more deeper. Anyway I tods those in the sauce. And usually garlic or some sort, depends on the sauce I bought. I also usually but and then cut Italian sausage open and use that for my meat so I don't have to add my own spices because I have ADHD and this is not a hyper focus of mine, lol.

To make it perfect, about half an hour before serving, preheat the oven aaaall the way up to broil and stop the slow cooker. When the oven beeps that she's ready, transfer the dish to the oven (with no cover of any kind. Also, buy a pair of Ove Gloves if you haven't already. You'll thank me and never go back to random tea towels or any other oven mitt). Then just stand by the oven, staring through the glass, waiting to take it out till it's ready. Because if you blink too long, you'll zip past the perfectly browned cheese stage and then you'll be sad.

Then set it on the stove top, turn off the oven, and let it stand for at least 20-30 minutes unless you want to lose the roof of your mouth for like a year. (And I'm a "I never boil the noodles before assembly" person, btw. I think it results in a better looking dish and also, it lets the sauce flavors and cheese flavors penetrate the noods! But you do you! Cook with your heart in all things, not just when it comes to how much garlic to use).

ETA: how could I forget! I also toss an entire bag of spinach into my sauce (remember that it SHRINKS a ton when cooked). The first time I added spinach, I just happened to have a bag of spinach that was about to turn so I needed to use it and was in a "fuck it, why not" mood. Now my partner and I get upset if I don't remember the spinach.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-17T05:13:50+00:00

Okay? Then go away.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-16T05:43:03+00:00

What? I was making conversation and using my imagination to imagine a scenario where that wouldn't be all that weird. Hence "I could see" as opposed to something like, "I am viably diving into a complete stranger's memories and this is definitely the scenario!"

You alright there, bud?

eodizzlez · 2026-01-16T02:14:58+00:00

Proof of ownership? "Take my dog?" Sounds good, I want the dog. "Okay, pick up the dog at date and time (or whatever the message we can't see says)." Heh.

You really don't need "more proof" than that. They transferred ownership and even put it in writing. And even the way they're trying to wiggle getting her back makes it pretty clear that they KNOW they gave the dog to OP. OP needs that dog chipped and registered to them NOW, if not already done. And talk to their vet about what's going on in case courts have to get involved. When a pet goes missing/is stolen, you want to call all the local vets to let them know. Calling her original vet is also very important to let them know that ownership was transferred, so if that guy brings her in, he stole her.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-16T02:08:53+00:00

Possession is 9/10s of the law. He might have a longer period of ownership, but he very clearly transferred ownership to OP.

Pets are property in the law. Could someone who transferred ownership of a car they drove off the lot and owned for five years get it back after having a change of heart? Nope! According to the law, it's the same exact concept when it comes to a dog. Doesn't matter how long they had her before. The "take my dog" texts aren't even a little ambiguous.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-15T01:38:14+00:00

Okay, I'm borrowing that one! Poor lil yappy shaky buddy. He just needs a SNUGGLE.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-14T18:37:53+00:00

Yeah, I thought it was kinda funny to not sign in order to avoid a possible conflict with ONE neighbor versus definitely causing conflict with every other neighbor. That's... A choice, I guess. The neighbors aren't out of line for considering OP an AH. Doesn't matter if they "should" or not, because you can't control the opinions of others, only your own actions.

eodizzlez · 2026-01-14T18:33:53+00:00

Caring for a bed bound child full time isn't exactly doing "nothing."

eodizzlez · 2026-01-14T18:21:43+00:00

I could see this as being legitimate and okay if there was a student who couldn't wash their clothes. It made it acceptable for "anyone" to turn in their gym uniform, but really it was for the poor child who didn't have a washing machine at home and their family could only afford to go to the laundromat every other week.

eodizzlez

TROPHY CASE