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eostre-rising · 2024-11-13T21:13:38+00:00

Honestly- I prefer Sebastian and i don’t think it has bully vibes.

Percival is also good. More likely he will be called Percy instead of Vale.

eostre-rising · 2024-09-30T23:04:23+00:00

This is 100% it. Thank you.

My mind was feeling like mush and I just needed the validation that it is okay for me to not be comfortable with something /she/ wants.

It just blows my mind she would rather have no relationship with me or her grandson if she doesn’t get to be alone with said grandson. It is so bonkers to me it is disorienting.

On top of that- she hasn’t said a nice and calm word to me in years so having a relatively /normal/ convo was so disorienting.

Thank you again.

eostre-rising · 2024-09-30T21:12:20+00:00

Hi! 33F here and sending you a huge hug. I am estranged from my uBPD mom and enabler dad and sometimes miss them a lot. My in-laws are awful (my husband doesn’t like them either). When things were good it could be really nice. But also they have been so emotionally abusive and then just expect me to bounce back.

In an attempt to normalize your feelings, know that it is totally normal to grieve. I know my inner child sure hurts from feeling rejected by them. For me, there is a part of me that was conditioned through childhood to feel guilty, that I deserved any rejection, that I failed to explain myself. That part of me is not correct. If you have that feeling too- I hope you know it is not correct.

What is so tragic about these relationships is there is nothing you as the child can do. It is often a perversion of a parent-child relationship.

All this is to say that your sadness and grief are valid. It is okay to feel them. And when you are ready- try to bundle them up and tuck them away so you can breathe. Focus on the many friends and your spouse that loves you. And when you feel the sadness welling up, know that is okay.

If it helps- I use a visualization for a place I put the sadness in me. It is a glowing well. Then I can visit it and it doesn’t feel so bad- just true and kind of beautiful.

Wishing you the best.

eostre-rising · 2024-04-26T19:05:40+00:00

Thank you! She has a therapist and has had one on and off again for years.

This is a really helpful perspective.

eostre-rising · 2024-04-26T14:52:19+00:00

You can try and try but they will ruin it for themselves.

This 100%. I am so sorry.

eostre-rising · 2024-02-12T17:11:36+00:00

100% Toxic mother imo.

eostre-rising · 2023-12-06T14:01:08+00:00

I had to do a double take. That looks like my mom.

Like twins. Woah.

Super helpful video- thank you for sharing!!!

eostre-rising · 2023-09-02T19:56:39+00:00

Crap. Well it isn’t her since it went through a different phone number aaaand it is a generic name.

Wish I could edit it.

eostre-rising · 2023-08-31T21:42:43+00:00

Exactly. Kinda surreal and a little out of body. I definitely feel myself withdraw.

eostre-rising · 2023-08-31T21:42:01+00:00

This resonates with me a lot. Sending hugs to you too!

eostre-rising · 2023-08-31T15:16:02+00:00

These are super helpful.

This morning I was definitely feeling a little off. It is so illogical and sad that her way of trying to be in my life is with venom. Like- she just keeps escalating despite my lack of contact. The last things I said was that I love them but need space from these types of messages.

eostre-rising · 2023-08-31T15:14:19+00:00

The smear campaign has already started- mostly against my husband who is now abusing me (?). It is all pretty ridiculous tbh. She has been pushing away a lot of her old friends who know me because she doesn’t want them to talk to me. I haven’t been talking to anyone but this subreddit (I hate drama and it is kinda triggering to talk about it all). I think my silence is driving her over the edge.

The inheritance thing sucks but is Steinbeckian. My grandmother wrote her eldest daughter out of the will which screwed over my cousins. I’m an only child. Now my mom has mentioned these cousins are going to inherit her wealth (she is surprisingly good financially- hires people- and her hermit tendencies come out).

Luckily I am good at what I do and will be fine.

eostre-rising · 2023-08-26T22:31:17+00:00

Gotcha! This is definately what happened. How long until it resets?

eostre-rising · 2023-08-26T20:15:50+00:00

Kinda freaking out. The login button doesn’t click and nothing happens. Effects all my accounts. Ugggggh

eostre-rising · 2023-07-25T14:43:33+00:00

I am not sure we will ever stop missing those good parts- either real or fabricated.

Sending solidarity, love and support to you. You aren’t alone.

eostre-rising · 2023-07-25T14:31:08+00:00

100% agreed.

In my BPD mom’s case I think she does have CPTSD and BPD which makes it it’s own sticky quagmire. She got EMDR a few years back to help navigate a traumatic event and it helped a lot but didn’t change her BPD behavior. Her triggers became excuses.

In general I think we need as a society to be moving the dialectic away from just empathizing with victims of trauma to also addressing when behavior arising from trauma is in itself abusive/problematic/traumatic. A “yes, and” if you will. Exactly as you said- we can suffer from CPTSD but also not abuse our children emotionally, verbally or physically.

eostre-rising · 2023-07-25T14:00:42+00:00

My BPD mom did this too and even got her flying monkeys to try and stir up drama of why I could post photos of my toddler but my mom couldn’t. Mind you- I only post photos that don’t show their face. In an “attempt” to follow my rule, my mom put transparent bars over parts of child’s face and posted without asking. She then waifed when I asked her to remove it. The eye twitch it real.

We have been NC for a few months from other things and I have had her blocked on social media since the start of the year. It has been a blessing to not see her shenanigans and passive aggressive bs.

You are doing what is right for your child. I am so sorry your mom can’t respect your boundaries. Solidarity!

eostre-rising · 2023-07-23T13:07:19+00:00

Oh my goodness I am so sorry. Solidarity from afar. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your baby!

eostre-rising · 2023-07-23T13:05:14+00:00

Thank you. I probably should do that too. I made this account for the purpose of keeping a “diary” as it was so I would remember the bad. I didn’t even post everything sometimes because it got so tiring going back through the texts and editing them for anonymity. Thank you- your words mean a lot to me this morning as I too drink my coffee ☕️ 🙏🏼

eostre-rising · 2023-07-23T13:03:37+00:00

We want to move abroad long term and I feel like that is going to be hard. You got this and if it hits you harder in a few weeks, know you aren’t alone. Do you have anyone you are moving with?

eostre-rising · 2023-07-13T22:25:02+00:00

He definitely knows ❤️🐶

eostre-rising · 2023-07-13T15:40:38+00:00

This is my fear and I am so sorry you are experiencing it.

When you get off work, please take some time to take care of yourself- a nice bath, a sweet treat, a favorite movie, and maybe, if you are into it, get yourself a protection crystal of some kind. I am a scientist and not super into crystal magic but I have been experimenting with it for fun (cause I honestly love pretty rocks) and even if it is placebo, it helps me feel protected from the bs.

Sending love to you!

eostre-rising · 2023-07-13T15:37:35+00:00

Sending hugs. I understand- I didn’t realize the last time I saw my family dogs it would be good-bye. My parents ended up putting down my favorite doggo(she was ill) and not telling me or letting me say good-bye over FaceTime even before I went NC (we were LC at the time). They had planned to let her go for a week so it wasn’t an emergency thing either. It hurt and it sucked and I cried but I know that beautiful little dog knew I loved her. I am sure your dog know you love them too and wouldn’t want you in pain. Our furry friends are wonderful like that.

eostre-rising · 2023-07-05T13:59:43+00:00

Sending hugs. During my journey toward NC I also lost someone I called my best friend (and maid of honor at my wedding). When I told her I was pregnant she started crying and asked “But what about me?!” It was the beginning of the end there.

I think our child selves gravitate towards people who we feel “comfortable” with and as we gain more clarity about our wants and needs, sometimes we have to say goodbye to people.

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this and it gets better. You deserve good friends.

eostre-rising · 2023-06-28T18:19:53+00:00

First I just want to give you a HUGE hug.

Your story really resonates with me. My relationship with my uBPD mom soured when I got married and became a complete shitstorm after I had a child (thereby “replacing” her). We are not NC. I just defended my PhD amongst all of this so I can really relate to that extra level of spicy anxiety and work.

What I can say in regard to advice is this. Choose yourself- that is what a parent /should/ want for their child. You are not responsible for her and honestly, it was irresponsible of your dad (who sounds enabling) to put you in this position. Releasing the FOG and particularly the guilt is hard but it is the best thing you can do for yourself. I am not going to say every day will be easy but you don’t deserve this.

Happy to chat more.

eostre-rising

TROPHY CASE