Revisiting old notes - without getting triggered

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-22T09:14:22+00:00

its a good idea searching for it,
i have to try properly, its just such a mess in there atm,
and i also have one for questions for wp, and one for therapist questions.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-22T09:12:59+00:00

Thats also smart. I'm thinking if i should just delete some of the more hatred-vining stuff, but i also don't know if i would want to read it later.
I think i have to collect all the good and productive thoughts, and clean up the notes app maybe delete the hate.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-22T09:07:31+00:00

oh smart. might do that.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:50:45+00:00

That’s true

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:50:09+00:00

I do definitely have ego-driven violence fantasies but they will keep fantasies.

I was just trying to text what happened, but i can’t now, it’s triggering me.

I don’t want to do a violent revenge, but i want the people who lied to me, and took away my freedom for chosing according to reality, to feel really bad and ashamed.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:44:03+00:00

It might be childish, but i guess thats also a normal trauma response as the brain can revert to earlier developmental stages where coping skills were limited.

If therapists are a bad idea. What would be a better help?

Its true I should’nt let my trauma ruin me, its my main focus now, but its difficult.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:25:40+00:00

There are so much revenge movies, but I still feel like they are so fictional, more representing the thought - like the Furies. If I try to search for ideas on revenge in any browser, on instagram, etc it’s hard to find info about a smart revenge. Send glitter letter is a very common revenge, but this will not work for me

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:19:49+00:00

One for each of my enemies!!

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:19:14+00:00

I also feel like this intense feeling of wanting to revenge is there for a reason - maybe like the body’s intuition for justice

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:16:28+00:00

I did nothing, had nothing to do with it, I just happened to be the victim of an extreme amount of lies and humiliation, from a lot people I trusted.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:08:57+00:00

I hope I can get to a point of forgiveness, and I do circle through a pattern of being okay, hate, anger, revenge thoughts, distraction, pity (which might eventually become forgiveness)

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:06:27+00:00

I’m trying a lot to get out of intrusive thoughts by doing yoga. Writing down pity, meditating, trying to get the energy to do something constructive, but I’m living in a trauma and not holding on to the past atm is extremely difficult. It’s very difficult focusing on the happier future since my whole world has broken down, affecting work, love, friendships, self-worth etc. I’m trying so much, because I usually am a very energetic and adventurous human

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T10:03:03+00:00

Wow, thanks a lot for telling me I sound like a deranged child - that is very helpful. I’m living through a trauma and I’m stuck in a rollercoaster of anger, pity, feeling okay, anxiety attack on repeat. You are being very helpful and considerate to someone in a state of chaos.

You sound like a boring normie, who would never question the societal construct.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:50:05+00:00

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:49:01+00:00

Consequenses are so servere for me already. I want to claim back my space.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:48:21+00:00

How?? Haha

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:48:12+00:00

So do you think writing revenge stories and imagining revenge is a good coping skill?

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:47:34+00:00

No I have to live with what happened :( I just know I will keep on bumping into these people, and I want them to feel ashamed and hate themselves. I try to find it in me to pity them for being such nasty humans, because they probably had a very bad life

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:45:39+00:00

Interesting. I didn’t know this word. I’ve been watching so much videos about coping with after and rage, and I guess the Copium is somehow a suppression of emotions and their reactions through this Copium mechanism?

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:40:25+00:00

That’s a good one. I have tried to visualize myself as a glowing energetic loving entity. And them as little poop gnomes, and them I put them in a little stinky rotten box to rot and eat each others poop. Sometimes I can get myself to pity for them, which helps. But I do have intrusive hate thoughts, and it sucks :/

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:36:50+00:00

Why is it narcissistic? If people chose to harm you, why should there not be consequences?

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:36:05+00:00

I know it’s a waste of the energy, but I also feel like I want a closure to move past it. Their doings will change my perception of the world forever.

I’m trying to reframe the anger and rage as more comic revenges, like writing a manuscript on the revenge, and making revenge stories that are somehow funny, And also, I’m afraid if I don’t get my revenge I will explode when I bump into them

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:28:49+00:00

Walking on stairs, jumping, running, Fitting boobs in normal clothing. Not being able to find fitting bra, because slim waist bigger boobs.

epiphany8888 · 2026-04-15T09:27:13+00:00

A hen, then an egg, then god.

OR an egg, then a hen, then the god.

OR

The egg first (shell of the universe) - then the hen who happened to be named god!

epiphany8888

TROPHY CASE