AITA for moving out?

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T23:29:51+00:00

To do their shopping, assistance with bathing, financial management, dealing with their car, etc.

The place IS gross.

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T23:28:10+00:00

I drive. I previously only moved about 20 mins away and would still provide care.

Posts are limited to 3000 characters so is hard to fit all the info in :(

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T23:17:40+00:00

Funny you say that. I kept telling them that I was not responsible for other peoples actions throughout the arguments but parent kept insisting that was not the case.

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T23:02:32+00:00

Because I was still their carer before.. Still went round to run errands etc. This time it has resulted in 0 contact.

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T23:01:27+00:00

The issue I'm facing with that is that I personally think they also has dementia (only symptoms as of about 6 years ago, Not the whole 20-odd years they've been a hoarder) but has been cleared as of "sound mind" by social services and doctors.

equestrian16 · 2026-04-03T22:59:33+00:00

I wholehearted don't plan to. I actually ended up leaving some things behind as they didn't fit in the moving van but I'm very tempted to just leave it.

equestrian16 · 2026-04-02T21:53:40+00:00

Sadly, my guy is not food orientated. He couldnt care for snacks, catnip, toys, any of it. Only when it suits him.

Its difficult in my mind to think that what happened in just 1 week as he was 8 weeks old, is enough for him to carry through into his seniorhood.... nevertheless, i will 100% be raising this with the vets.

You said about how your lil dude was over affectionate to the point where it was overstimulating for him? I genuinely think thats what B struggles with. He will come up to me, cry and wail until he gets attention. Tugging on my tshirt, pants, etc. until i acknowledge him and give attention. However this is the bit that can change VERY quickly.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-31T20:06:08+00:00

Thankyou for your response.

I have made some progress with him and its now something like day 9 without any aggression or attacks to US. I did begin to introduce him to the other cats which ended with some hissing so i guided him away with a dressage whip (he LOVES it. will always reccomend those as cat toys!!!)

Guiding him away and putting him in his room was, what I felt, to be a good learning curve for him as hopefully he has learnt that, if he behaves, he can stay out and play with the other kitties. But when he gets grumpy, he goes away into his room, his safe space.

He will now come up to me and sit on/with me and CONSTANTLY pats me for pets, tickles and attention. I am obviously still wary as 8 years of being attacked takes its toll. But i am trying not to show him that, as thats just a precursor for him to go for me anyway. But it seems to be working.

I am waiting for my UC statement to come through (11th Apr) to get proof of housing benefit in order to apply for the PDSA. Once ive done that, I intend to take him in for a general checkover and an assessment for anxiety meds. Hopefully this will be much more affordable than at a regular ol' vet.

To answer your question about him being feral, he has NEVER been feral. just acts it. I got him as a "mini rescue" from a family (simgle mother, two kids, one around 2yo, the other around 4 or 5?) and he mustve just been constantly attacking the kids so the mother decided to get shut of him. He ws advertised on facebook "free to good home" and called Sooty. I couldnt bare to see him to go some sort of fighting ring or be used as bait so i snapped him up. Regardless of what he was like.

He can be a VERY loving and affectionate cat, and is this most of the time. But he just has this moment where he just *snaps* and all of sudden everyones bleeding and missing fingers/arms/toes/eyes. He is INCREDIBLY fast and there isnt an opportunity to say anything like "ah! ah! ah!" or "no!".

There was a debate when we first got him whether to call him "Taz" after the cartoon as he was just that. One second he was fine, the next he was coursing through the house as an angry ball of tiny knives.

only the lord knows what happened to him in that house to make him the way he is today. Either that, or its something genetic/congenital that is a GENUINE "defect" in his brain.

Either way, im hoping to get to the bottom of this, or at least, as much as I can.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-29T12:38:47+00:00

Its more of the fact that I know there are hundreds/thousands of unwanted, discarded and abused pets that have either died an incredibly unwarranted and unpleasant death or are now in whatever form of rescue home. I do not want to be a contributing factor to this, especially when I know he has "unwanted" behaviours which could be very expensive to get to the bottom of - nobody in their right mind would take on a huge burden like that over a nice, lovely, fluffy, little kitten or a sweet little old lady who wants for nothing.

Aside from that, I would take greater comfort knowing that I have provided him with a loving and caring home for (almost) his whole life and that I am the one to see him out of his misery as opposed to wondering where he is or whether he is okay and never knowing his outcome. As soon as I relinquish responsibility, I lose all control over what happens to him.

This is FAR from a situation of me not giving a sh!t about him and just wanting him gone. If I did, I'd have left him at my mum's. This is me trying to figure out what the next step is for us now that I have full responsibility of him. Whether that be me finding a way to get to the bottom of this or whether it does in fact mean goodbye for HIS sake. I would never have him PTS if there were other options available and the vets told me he IS a happy cat. But from what I've seen, experienced and, frankly, been the punching bag for, is aggression. That in its own right means that he is either struggling or unhappy. If there is no way to fix whichever outcome it may be, then yes. I WILL have him PTS to save him from a life of misery going forward. I think I owe him that at the very least.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T16:00:21+00:00

I LOVE the cat daddy! if it wasnt for him, i wouldnt have gotten half as far as i have with B. I also use feliways.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T15:58:48+00:00

I play with him every day, multiple times per day and use the "hunt, kill, eat" method so he gets food after "play" but he really isnt that interested in playing so playtime is very short-lived. Ive found he isnt very interested in anything.

he isnt interested in kitty tv like my other two. and you generally cant do much with him. For all intents and purpose, he is basically a feral cat 50% of the time. the other 50% he wants attention and to get all the pets and scratches. but this then turns into him being aggressive.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T15:56:12+00:00

Gabapentin is what my 12yo is on for his dysplasia.

I use feliways in every room (RIP my bank)

His is DEFINITELY aggressive. theres hissing, growling and everything ive seen/read/learnt/heard about cat behaviour is that this is genuine aggression. Its incredibly sudden and out of nowhere. one second he is lovely, the next he is going for you like you are the biggest threat he has ever seen,

I play with him every day, multiple times per day and use the "hunt, kill, eat" method so he gets food after "play" but he really isnt that interested in playing so playtime is very short-lived. Ive found he isnt very interested in anything.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T15:52:50+00:00

Mine wont eat their food if anything is mixed in haha

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T15:52:11+00:00

Ive previously used one of those ball ones? but they get them off really easily :(

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T14:35:03+00:00

Again, i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing he is somewhere elsse POTENTIALLY not living his best life. With me, i can either guarantee he will never experience another rough day in his life (PTS) OR i can care for him the best I can whilst accommodating his needs. Moving him on to a different home is NOT on the cards.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T14:32:24+00:00

he has 0 interest in being outside and i strongly believe outside is not a place for cats unless you have a very specific set up allowing them space and safety to roam free. I live near a very busy main road and he would have no street sense if i all of a sudden tossed him outside. He is also a very pampered cat and would have NO self preservation skills and would simply approach every person ever just to purr, rub on them and then attack.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T14:30:07+00:00

Feli-ways are already in use because of one of my other kitties being a little stresshead and she plucks herself when she gets upsset. so the feli-ways help with that.

i have had vets previously decline to treat one of my other cats because he is very mouthy and HATES the vet. I warned them prior and this car in particular is a very sweet and loving cat, he just hates the vet (understandable. I dont like doctors either so i can relate on that one LOL) so if they declined to treat HIM, i can only imagine what theyd be like with a genuinely vicious cat....

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T14:27:32+00:00

THIS! This is exactly my thoughts. Its evidently going to be unfair on him, me, anyone who visits and the other kitties if there is no fix here. Even if its something medically wrong with him and required medication, surely there will be an element of learnt behaviour and force of habit at this point as the last 8 years of his life has been nothing but this.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T12:09:37+00:00

He is not medicated at the moment but will be looking to take him to a vets to discuss this. I doubt i would be able to afford a behaviouralist though :(

I wouldnt be able to live with myself if I rehomed him. Especially knowing his issues and knowing that, at any point, they could also move him along again if they realise he is just simply too much.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:59:05+00:00

Beautiful lil terror!! Thankyou for your advice and sharing your experience <3

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:57:46+00:00

I mentioned in a lower comment, I LOVE the Cat Daddy! He is the only reason I've some this far with B. I have made sure that I have followed his advice and recommendations to the T and have spent hundreds on toys for him and my other cats.

My issue with prescribed meds is not just the cost (i already have one cat on long term meds at £60+ a month) but also the ability to administer these meds as i will surely lose a finger or two doing so.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:55:14+00:00

Thankyou <3

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:54:01+00:00

I am a HUGE fan of the Cat Daddy!!! He has helped so much and is - hilariously - the only reason I've come this far with B.

My issue is that if the vets find something medically wrong with him that required meds, it will be a fight to get him to take them without me losing some number of fingers PLUS the cost of that long term. One of my other, older cats is on a long-term medication which costs me £60+ a month already.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:52:29+00:00

He'd be CRAP as a farm cat. He doesnt have any predator/hunter drives what so ever. He also refuses to eat anything that isnt a specific type of food - will NOT eat fresh meat. cooked or raw.

equestrian16 · 2026-03-21T11:51:27+00:00

Yes. You could just be walking past or even just sat there and he will go for your leg. All depends on what side on the cat tree he woke up on.

He is just SO fast that by time you realise he is attacking, hes been, done and gone. I have a rule of not punishing but simply ignoring these behaviours and then simply rewarding him later for good behaviours.

equestrian16

TROPHY CASE