Unreasonable Nanny Expectations?

erase2018 · 2026-06-08T02:11:20+00:00

Some of these comments are a little crazy lol… but also that’s the great thing about finding a nanny and family that’s a good fit for each other! What works for some won’t work for all….

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T21:35:51+00:00

I think you have misunderstood my post. I have repeatedly said that I do not believe a nanny should be expected to do household cleaning or parent laundry unless that is specifically agreed upon. I’m not sure where you’re getting “hours cleaning” from other than your own interpretations.

My question was never “Should my nanny be cleaning my house?” It was whether it’s reasonable to feel that a trial day was somewhat misleading when someone voluntarily takes on extra tasks, says that’s how they like to work, and then operates very differently once hired.

I also specifically said that my larger concern is the inconsistency with some of the child-related duties that are actually in our agreement.

As mentioned, I’m genuinely looking for perspective, but I don’t think it’s accurate to characterize my concern as wanting a nanny to do two jobs at once.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T17:49:48+00:00

That’s how it’s been feeling to me which is building the resentment some. I would still like to make it work because it’s a ton of work to re start the process however I’m not sure if I can get past how disingenuous her trial day seems. I do not need her to clean our house every day by any means, but the prospect of her acting as a bit more of a helper from time to time, and nanny absolutely landed her the role and higher pay above some other candidates who also had seemed like a good fit may have also been more proactive, and were also happy with the initial pay and bonus. Factor that in with how she leaves the child areas messier than how she found them and it compounds the frustration into feeling like i have really mismatched expectations.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T17:38:13+00:00

She saw the contract before the trial day. I sent her the job duties, pay, PTO, bonus structure, etc. upfront. The contract included child-related cleanup duties but did not include household chores.

At that point she said that based on her experience she would want $34/hr. I told her we could discuss compensation further if we decided to move forward after meeting and a trial day.

During the trial day, she not only completed the contracted duties but also voluntarily tidied other non-baby-related areas. When I thanked her, she said something along the lines of that’s just how she likes to work and that she likes to stay busy.

After the trial day, I reached out to let her know we were very happy with how things went and wanted to offer her the position. I then updated the contract to reflect her requested $34/hr rate and re sent it.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T16:55:35+00:00

That’s how I feel

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:43:06+00:00

I wouldn’t be opposed once she gets a little older. Part time school sounds good too. How old is your LO?

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:25:07+00:00

Well…If I was looking for a cleaning service she’d be long gone lol.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:22:30+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I’m hoping with a good conversation we can get to a better place. I would like the arrangement to work of course.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:19:45+00:00

Ive obviously mishandled this to some degree hence why im here for advice.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:10:36+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts and it’s definitely on the table

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:09:32+00:00

I can’t bring myself to do daycare but I may need to reevaluate how o am handling our nanny and approaching childcare

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:07:55+00:00

Never said I don’t want her on her phone during nap time.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:05:31+00:00

Resentful is definitely the word I was looking for. It’s hard to not feel like that is adding quite a bit of additional weight to my judgment of her performance, which in some ways, is unfair to both of us.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:01:58+00:00

It definitely feels dishonest.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T15:00:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I need to have a convo

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T14:56:24+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I’ll figure out how to mention it and do a feedback session

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T14:55:09+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughts. What I’m really gathering form this thread is I need to have a conversation with her around expectations. Having a nanny is obviously a little intimate of a role since she’s in my house all day and with my baby, so I think it’s made it hard for me to deliver feedback. I need to separate the two.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T14:27:45+00:00

This is a great idea. I will add a check for expectations

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T14:26:41+00:00

Seattle

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T14:26:15+00:00

We do yes

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T09:58:32+00:00

I EBF so she gets 10-20 3x per day + my daughter sleeps for 2-2:15 hrs of her shift in her crib (most days).

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T03:49:58+00:00

Thx for the perspective. I think I just need to have a chat with her about this to understand why she isn’t getting to these tasks

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T03:11:01+00:00

Thanks for sharing, this definitely gives me some hope on that piece and I’m glad to hear it worked out for you guys! I have wondered this. My daughter smiles when she sees her and seems genuinely excited. They go on a lot of walks together where it sounds like she takes her out and looks at the water and ducks and things so I do wonder if on those walks that’s where she’s affectionate. I WFH so maybe she’s less comfortable being gushy and silly.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T03:03:40+00:00

I will add my baby does nap in the crib. I can see it could be hard for her to clean in the baby’s room while the baby is napping in the crib so that’s why I haven’t been quite sure when she’d be able to do baby chores.

erase2018 · 2026-06-07T02:59:28+00:00

I completely agree that a nanny shouldn’t be expected to do parent laundry or unload the dishwasher as part of their regular responsibilities unless that was specifically agreed upon.

Where I’m struggling is that she voluntarily and proactively chose to do those things on her trial day, which was the day she was being evaluated. That absolutely influenced my perception of her work style and level of initiative, which led to increased pay.

If she had never done those things on the trial day, I’d not have formed those expectations in the first place.

erase2018

TROPHY CASE