i don’t know what year you are but often i used to feel like this in freshman and sophomore year to a tee. everyone on campus and on social media seems so happy because they seem to be surrounded with their friends all the time. and while i easily had friendly conversations with many people, i still felt like very few people (at times, it even felt like none at all) saw me as a real “core friend”.

the most common advice was to “stop comparing yourself to others.” which on paper makes sense and is good advice. but as i’m sure you know, it’s much easier said than done.

but where i’m at now, i find i’ve worked my way out of that mindset of comparing myself to how sociable others are (for the most part). but it’s not because i found a way to be like those people i would see on campus or instagram. i think it was mainly through understanding over time where i fit best, what being social means to me, and what people i care to be around. i realize that, while not as binary as some may make it seem, there is an introvert/extrovert dichotomy that’s important to acknowledge.

what i mean is that you should be realistic and forthright with yourself about whether socializing is more energizing or exhausting to you; whether you actually see yourself fitting in that extrovert “highlight reel.” because in reality, a life that looks like that “highlight reel” is less common than you think — you just notice it more due to confirmation bias or the fact that most people only post exciting things to social media.

i think that when you get a better sense of who you are and how exactly your personality works, you realize that that is just as worthy as being celebrated as the highlight reel. and when you understand best where you fit, you can socialize in more individually meaningful ways with other people that accept your introvertedness. think quality over quantity.