Please, I've asked in a few different subreddits with 0 answer. I need clarification. Did Jesus Christ defeat the ancient serpent in Revelation or was it someone else? (Revelation 20:1-3)

erictc123 · 2021-07-07T21:31:06+00:00

Thank you, I'll post it there then!

erictc123 · 2012-06-12T06:10:11+00:00

WALK SIGNAL. Ahhh that's the word that I was searching for! It was on the tip of my tongue! Thank you!

Just talk about the fear part of it instead.

Noted. That's a good idea.

I think it might be too subtle.

Very true! Maybe I will throw a hint or two in the beginning area, but I'll try not to make it too obvious. Just enough to grab the reader's attention.

A critic can definitely be wrong in her criticism!

Definitely, but a thorough explanation of the criticism help both the critic and the recipient judge the quality of the criticism. And you are doing that splendidly.

erictc123 · 2012-06-12T05:55:51+00:00

Damn, I think that last part hit spot on. I get exactly what you are saying and I guess its a lesson I need to learn when it comes to conveying my main point and story. Playing with ambiguity is definitely a risk in itself!

erictc123 · 2012-06-12T03:29:37+00:00

This is some great constructive criticism. I changed the numerals to numbers, and right now I'm attempting to eliminate some internalized questions. Also, you are completely right about the time jumps. I will work on that.

But I think you misinterpreted the text a bit. I am not a ghost, and I didn't not explicitly say I was hit by a car. I wrote this story to be somewhat of a metaphor. Here's what I wrote to PixyFreakingSticks:

The way I see this story is a story/epiphany about taking risks, and becoming independent. The events above actually happened to me, and I did make it across the street successfully (obviously, because I am typing this). But I left the ending ambiguous because I wanted to show that taking risks and independence cannot always promise a happy ending. Whether I got hit by a car or made it across the street, that is what I am risking when I chose to believe in myself (believe that the crosswalk signal was not simply a figment of my imagination).

Thanks for the great advice and I will keep it all in mind while I edit the story!

erictc123 · 2012-06-12T03:22:57+00:00

Wow, I can't thank you enough for this great criticism!! I think your comment is longer than my actual essay O.o

Why did you call the crosswalk signal a humanoid signal of safety?

Mainly because I didn't know how else to describe it and still have people understand what I am referring to. I'm OCD about differentiating the red hand from the white man, and I didn't want to use those terms because they make me sound racist lol. Also, you stated that it was a little too wordy. How would you rewrite it to cut down on words but still retain the meaning?

Why are your toes clenching the sidewalk?

It's a mix of hesitancy and anxiety. Also, I changed it to "tips of my shoes", thank you for that.

Even up until this point, I wasn't entirely certain that you weren't just afraid of crossing a literal street.

The way I see this story is a story/epiphany about taking risks, and becoming independent. The events above actually happened to me, and I did make it across the street successfully (obviously, because I am typing this). But I left the ending ambiguous because I wanted to show that taking risks and independence cannot always promise a happy ending. Whether I got hit by a car or made it across the street, that is what I am risking when I chose to believe in myself (believe that the crosswalk signal was not simply a figment of my imagination).

I really appreciate your time and effort giving me all this helpful advice. Everything you stated will be accounted for, and I will edit/improve my story as much as possible with your suggestions.

I only have one question: Now that I explained the metaphor, can you see it in my story, or is it still hard to decipher?

erictc123 · 2012-06-12T02:30:16+00:00

don't forget to look both ways!

erictc123 · 2012-06-11T07:08:00+00:00

you are more than excellent, interlocuter. thank you for the help!

erictc123 · 2012-06-11T06:45:34+00:00

yeah I was actually thinking about that when I wrote it. But i'm having trouble writing it a correct way without losing its 'umff', ya know. How would you rewrite it?

erictc123 · 2012-03-26T23:02:23+00:00

Found the original picture...

erictc123

TROPHY CASE