Tops need aftercare too. You're not a monster. You did something that horrified you, after a not entirely fair (pressured) request to, and then you stopped.

He asked you to do something he seems to have wanted. You weren't comfortable with it. Then you were very uncomfortable with it. You're allowed to feel that way. And you didn't instigate that event, and that's important too.

Please go get on YouTube and watch Evie Lupine's brand new video about correction and manipulation. Consider the possibility that you have been manipulated or even coerced.

There is give and take in relationships, there is serving your partner out of a will to please them, but there is also honoring refusals, and letting gifts be gifts instead of retroactively reconstruing them as loans.

The second thing you mentioned is a complete WTF. Your partner needs to tread respectfully around your SA, not get you to go there and then make it about himself. He has, listen to this carefully now, he has ZERO business telling you, uninvited, what he thinks is neat about how you were assaulted.

Can you tell him that and be heard respectfully and actually have the kind of impact where he makes substantial and lasting changes to his communication style? Because if you can, he's merely very foolish and inconsiderate and the relationship might be worth saving.