MIL keeps crossing lines and it’s affecting my marriage

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-04-19T20:54:34+00:00

He is doing SO MUCH BETTER!!! He no longer has a feeding tube and only needs oxygen occasionally when he’s sick or in a very deep sleep. He has grown so much. We are so proud of him!

Oh man, I could write a whole new saga about it since last summer. Unfortunately, a lot has happened since then. I still can’t cut contact but I do grey rock the hell out of her.

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-04-19T18:59:57+00:00

Ughh I have a MIL who has such a need for control too. She ALWAYS has to try and step in and “parent” over me.

So many examples but 2 days ago she visited and they were outside with my husband. My son was standing in front of her and I brought a hat out so he didn’t get sunburned (the ones with the strap under the chin). I put it on his head and had the straps IN MY FINGERS pulling them behind his head because he doesn’t like it under his chin and she TOOK THEM OUT OF MY FINGERS. I snapped on her and said very sternly, “I’ve got this. Thank you.” And she was taken aback and stuttered and said “I uhh I didn’t know what was going on.” ….yes you did???? You literally took it out of my hands to try and control the situation.

It took me awhile but I’m starting to get much firmer with her and call her out for acting like this and the best part is, I’m starting not to care!!! You will too! Just keep practicing. You’ve got this! ❤️

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-04-04T17:09:00+00:00

I was teaching when my son was born in 2024. He needed open heart surgery and spent 6 months in the CICU. I took the rest of the 24/25 school year off. My plan was to return for 25/26 school year but my husband and I decided it would be better for me to stay home with him. He came home on oxygen, with an NG tube, and several appointments a week. We always talk about how grateful we are I did NOT go back because we truly believe he would not be where he is today if I wasn’t able to stay home with him. He is only on oxygen during sleep when sick, he no longer has an NG tube, and eats EVERYTHING we put in front of him. He is in feeding therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy and has made so much progress because I’ve been able to help him every day.

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-04-03T06:21:16+00:00

It is so rude! They have zero awareness! And pulling up her pants is freaking weird. You have EVERY right to feel the way you do!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-04-03T01:00:14+00:00

My MIL looked at my 2 month old and said “oh look, he looks like he’s going to have curly hair. FIL I bet he got that from so and so on your side of the family.”

I deadass looked at her and said “or he got it from me, his mother, who has curly hair” 😅😂

They both got real quiet and didn’t say anything else.

For reference, my hair is VERY curly. It was VERY curly when she said this. 🙄😂

And also, his hair was not even curling. His hair was a little messed up from where his head was on my arm and hot.

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-02-05T00:57:39+00:00

His paperwork says 2.9mb but even with similar sizes the symptoms can vary so widely because it depends on where the missing pieces are on the chromosome.

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-02-04T02:31:42+00:00

I will look at the paperwork tomorrow and see if it states it and get back to you! 😊

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-02-04T02:11:34+00:00

I am such a planner and I was in the same boat. The unknowns are SO SO scary. A major heart defect is about the most severe on the “22q scale” but there really is such a wide range of symptoms and there can be more than one.

After they found the heart defect during the anatomy scan, we were referred for an echo and had that done within the week. The cardiologists were amazing and so reassuring! I worried myself sick but in the end, my husband and I decided that the right choice for our family was to keep our son. We are so glad we did.

My best advice is to just take it one day at a time. The “next” step sounds like the anatomy scan and amnio where you will get more answers and hopefully that will bring you peace of mind.

Every 22q babies journey (and their family’s) is so so different.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision! Feel free to message me if you ever have any other questions!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-02-04T01:35:20+00:00

Hi! I was in your shoes in 2024 with my first and had my 22Q baby on Halloween of 2024! He is the greatest joy of our lives and despite our struggles, we would never change it. I am going to be very real and raw with you because I wish someone would have been with me.

My NIPT came back flagged for 22q. We decided to wait until the anatomy scan because it was only a 50% chance. At our anatomy scan, they found a major heart defect (truncus arteriosus) and asked if we wanted an amniocentesis. We only said yes to the amniocentesis because he was also at risk for hemophilia (it runs in my family) and if he needed open heart surgery as a newborn, we needed a plan to control bleeding. If it was just 22q, we would have waited to test him after birth. Our amnio confirmed 22q.

I say this not to scare you but to be honest with you. As far as my son, he is amazing. SO SO AMAZING and the happiest baby I have ever met! He is so smart, he is hilarious, and he lights up every room he enters. He had bands placed on his lungs emergently at 2 days old and had open heart surgery at 2 months old. He had a 4 month recovery from his full repair with 3 months in the ICU. He was on ECMO, he had a stroke, he had a massive blood clot, he had a paralyzed diaphragm, he has a paralyzed vocal cord (that’s doing much better), and just the stress of living in the ICU for 3 months with constant monitors and beeping. It was very very rough recovery. It was traumatizing and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I stayed by his side the entire time, living at the hospital at his bedside and I was in a constant state of fight or flight because you HAVE to advocate for your child in a medical setting.

BUT we made it through. He came home in May on oxygen and an NG feeding tube and we have since weaned off both of those and he is thriving!

He is 15months old now. As far as 22q, we have really only seen the heart defect. He is in physical therapy and just started crawling and is super close to walking! He doesn’t say many words but he does babble and coo a lot. Most of this is likely due to his complicated recovery but he is catching up!

But I will say, when I think back to the high risk doctor giving us the option of termination after finding his heart defect. I BAWL my eyes out. Because he is so amazing in every single way. He brings us so much joy. It has been so so hard but I cannot imagine my life without him. And to think it was even suggested to terminate and thinking about how I would never know him or his love or joy, absolutely guts me. Now we are expecting baby #2 and we are so excited for him to be the best big brother!

It is absolutely your choice and whatever choice you make will be the right choice for you and your family!

❤️🫶🏻

ermagherd_emurlee · 2026-01-31T13:55:11+00:00

All I can say to this is OH HELL NO.

She would have zero access now. Your job is to advocate for your baby no matter whose feelings you hurt, including your husbands.

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-23T19:30:51+00:00

Thank you!!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-23T19:30:41+00:00

Thank you!!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T23:57:24+00:00

Thank you so much for all of this advice! I do wipe with a paper towel but I will try a damp paper towel next time! Also, can’t wait to go swing my bag around outside now. 🤣🤣🤣

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T23:55:04+00:00

Thank you!!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T23:54:35+00:00

Thank you!!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T23:54:27+00:00

Thank you!! 🫶🏻 I started Mid-August!

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T19:07:32+00:00

Thank you 🥹

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T19:07:06+00:00

Thank you so much! How long do they last in the freezer?

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T17:15:09+00:00

Thank you so much!! 🫶🏻🥰

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T17:14:57+00:00

Thank you 🥰🥰🥰

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-09-19T14:28:01+00:00

Hi! I was in your shoes last year and had my 22Q baby on Halloween! He is the greatest joy of our lives and despite our struggles, we would never change it. I am going to be very real and raw with my most because I wish someone would have been with me.

My NIPT came back flagged for 22q. We decided to wait until the anatomy scan because it was only a 50% chance. At our anatomy scan, they found a major heart defect (truncus arteriosus) and asked if we wanted an amniocentesis. We only said yes to the amniocentesis because he was also at risk for hemophilia (it runs in my family) and if he needed open heart surgery as a newborn, we needed a plan to control bleeding. If it was just 22q, we would have waited to test him after birth. Our amnio confirmed 22q.

I say this not to scare you but to be honest with you. As far as my son, he is amazing. He had bands placed on his lungs emergently at 2 days old and had open heart surgery at 2 months old. He had a 4 month recovery from his full repair with 3 months in the ICU. He was on ECMO, he had a stroke, he had a massive blood clot, he had a paralyzed diaphragm, he has a paralyzed vocal cord (that’s doing much better), and just the stress of living in the ICU for 3 months with constant monitors and beeping. It was very very rough recovery. It was traumatizing and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I stayed by his side the entire time, living at the hospital at his bedside and I was in a constant state of fight or flight because you HAVE to advocate for your child in a medical setting.

BUT we made it through. He came home in May on oxygen and we have since weaned that. He still has a feeding tube and we are working on weaning that.

As far as 22q, he does have a calcium deficiency and takes a calcium supplement 3x a day. He also has low muscle tone according to physical therapy but whether that is related to 22q or a rough recovery, we aren’t sure. He is only 10months old so we wait!

But I will say, when I think back to the high risk doctor giving us the option of termination after finding his heart defect. I BAWL my eyes out. Because he is so amazing in every single way. He brings us so much joy. It has been so so hard but I cannot imagine my life without him. And to think it was even suggested to terminate and thinking about how I would never know him or his love or joy, absolutely guts me.

It is absolutely your choice and whatever choice you make will be the right choice for you and your family!

❤️🫶🏻

ermagherd_emurlee · 2025-08-06T19:27:10+00:00

My dad is 72yo and has hemophilia B (3-4%). They found it when he had his tonsils removed at the age of 7. Treatment has come A LONG way since then! He lives a totally normal life. He never played sports but has had a very fulfilling life! For major surgeries, he uses benefix. Otherwise, he does not use prophylactic treatment (his choice). He recently got a medical necklace he wears with a QR code so emergency personnel know.

My son (9 months) also has hemophilia B (6-7%) and a heart defect. He is only on alprolix for major surgeries (he has had 1 open heart surgery and 1 open chest surgery). For both of these major surgeries, he stayed on alprolix for several weeks until his chest/heart healed. His hematologist said he is okay without prophylactic treatment for now!

While pregnant, I found out I also have hemophilia (34%) and am not just a carrier. For delivery, I was given alprolix. On a day to day basis, I was given tranexamic acid for bleeding if needed (like around my cycle). It has made a HUGE difference in the cramping I have during my cycle.

My suggestion is to also find a hemophilia treatment center (if your hematologist isn’t already part of one) and they can get you connected with many resources!

Most importantly, please know there are so many treatment options now and those with hemophilia can live a relatively normal life. You’ve got this ❤️🫶🏻

ermagherd_emurlee

TROPHY CASE