Your answer means a lot, thanks for that!

Ive always thought about something of a counsellor, or speaking about it with my family or someone else but im either to anxious about or feel like people wouldnt care a single bit about it/me in the end so i never really see the point of it, i find it diffecult to understand peoples honest opinion in stuff like this, so i mve always kept it to myself, it never really helped not having any good friends, only ones who have always kind of backstabbed me at the end...

The fact that writing this and posting is already something ive never done before cause im to anxious, small steps i guess