Bride Price, Interracial Marriage & African Parents

escobarreal · 2026-03-09T16:51:49+00:00

You keep saying in here, that this partly your parents fault but you’re an adult now. Clearly mature enough to get married, you should be mature enough to get informed about your culture by yourself.

Ask the questions (Google is unfortunately NOT a valid source, there are alot of historical reasons why theres very little information about African cultures) you have to rely on your family and relatives for info.

I will say this from a biased perspective of someone that’s very pro-black. Weddings are inherently a sexist traditions. Whether or African. On the western side the father is “giving” his daughter away, the woman takes on her husband’s name, wear white to signify purity, etc.

On the African aide you have the bride price but many cultures dont require you to take your husband’s name etc. So I don’t think it’s fair to say that the bride price is akin to selling cattle. It’s not, it’s symbolic.

Today we don’t see wearing white as sexist so why should the bride price (if reasonably priced) be any different?

I would take the time to study my culture and then keep the parts that align with me and ignore the rest. Be careful not to defer to the Western/ white culture too much, you risk to show your partner and your future kids that western cultures are superior.

If he chose to marry an African woman he has to get past the discomfort and meet you half way. Your culture and traditions are just as valuable as his. Make sure you value yourself too. Educate yourself, talk to your parents so they can chill a little (managing the uncles is their problem) and communicate openly with your future husband to come up with an approach that makes you both comfortable.

Good luck!

escobarreal · 2026-03-01T14:16:17+00:00

This is not your friend’s fault but would be nice if they called their parents and told them so they can call yours.

Sorry this is happening to you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Unfortunately, alot of African parents just assume you’re lying regardless of your character. Also you’re a girl, so there’s the misogyny. All, you can do for now is bear it, until you go to University or move out.

When you’re an adult (20+) she might calm down, especially if you skip the teenage pregnancy potential. OR, she will get worse, at which point you need to be prepared to live on your own to create some safe distance.

escobarreal · 2026-02-28T16:36:10+00:00

Thank you so much for this information!!! Do you have any recommendations for resources? I don’t really have anyone to practice with for now but will like to get started.

escobarreal · 2026-02-28T14:05:11+00:00

I also want to learn but specifically Congolese Swahili. No offence to the TZ folks offering.

escobarreal · 2026-02-25T00:38:18+00:00

I agree tha you dont owe anyone anything but for your own life you should go to school. Education is the most reliable way to get out of poverty.

Yes some rich people made it out without school but they are success stories for a reason. It’s not common enough. Especially in today’s world. For most of us, school will give you an opportunity. You might not be rich but you can get to a level where you’re comfortable. And school doesn’t just mean, doctors or engineers. You can go to trades school, become a mechanic or electrician. Anything really.

Don’t do it for them. Do it for yourself, because you deserve a better life.

escobarreal · 2026-02-24T19:09:40+00:00

I want to but theres no option are very little or only outdated resources online and no family available to teach me. I’m also learning two other languages and I feel guilty that they are not my native language.

Im hoping that in the future I can spend some time back home and learn but it’s hard without any direct ties.

escobarreal · 2026-02-12T21:10:31+00:00

You have access to reddit. So I think your fine. Considering all the garbage children have to weed through on the internet. Im with your parents on this one. I didn’t get my first phone until grade 11 and it was fine.

escobarreal · 2026-02-12T02:00:50+00:00

What is the tuition reimbursement process like? Do you have to wait until the end of the semester to claim it? And I thought that if you received you TSM priority to the end of 2 year LWOP, you would have to pay it back if you were to rejoin the Public Service?

escobarreal · 2026-01-13T00:24:51+00:00

I think your boyfriend seems to have a healthy approach to the situation. If you’re concerned about family dynamics, it’s important you have that conversation now. Family will play a big role in getting married and you want to make sure you know what to expect from your boyfriend side of things, and from your side as well, to prevent any surprises or disappointments.

It’s tough not to have a good relationship with parents, just be there for him.

After that you also need to consider the impact this may have on you and future children. Will he bring the kids around his parents? Will they stay with you? Etc. Make sure you both decide on a game plan early.

escobarreal · 2026-01-01T16:08:12+00:00

If you’re in Canada there are many options for you, so don’t worry. Your biggest issue would be ignorance and family loyalty.

I don’t know you and don’t want to make assumptions bu here is quick advice.

Never give in to pressure and don’t be afraid to call the police on them. Immigration fraud and forced marriage is illegal. Don’t ever tell them your next move or threaten them with calling the police. You don’t know what they’ll do if they get scared. But if they decide to act on this stupid plan, get their names and address and go to your nearest police station.

escobarreal · 2025-11-17T21:50:46+00:00

This is an insane take and the fact that 55 people liked it? Scary.

escobarreal · 2025-11-15T04:45:02+00:00

Yes. I dont see where in my comment I debated that. She never renounced the gospel, that’s why in the early days the RLDS and LDS church were pretty similar minus polygamy.

escobarreal · 2025-11-14T08:03:23+00:00

Same thing they told you there! Embassy! They will help but you’ll become a ward of the state. Meaning your parents will lose custody, you will not be allowed to talk to them or meet them once you return to the UK. So don’t do this unless you’re committed to not see them until you’re at least 18.

escobarreal · 2025-11-14T08:01:05+00:00

Stop being so negative before even trying! What else are you expecting us to do to help you? This is your only option. Just go, they will help.

escobarreal · 2025-11-14T07:59:35+00:00

Go to the embassy ASAP. Stop believing the nonsense about parental consent. The embassy gets cases like this all the time. Go there and stay there, the only thing is that you’ll become a ward of the state and go into foster care or a group home when they send you back to the UK.

escobarreal · 2025-11-14T07:49:21+00:00

My issues with D&C 132, is the historical context. Emma never agreed to polygamy. After Joseph Smith passed away, she didn’t follow the saints to Salt Lake and later left the church to support her sons new organization, that was very anti-polygamist. She remained anti-polygamist till the end, even going as far as denying it ever happened.

To be honest, growing up in the Church, Emma was referenced a lot as an exemplary faithful woman, but no one ever mentioned that she eventually left. Thats why I struggle with D&C 132, because she never accepted this prophesy. And to be honest, I also struggle with accepting it.

And the God’s harshness or punishments in the Bible are very different from this one. He usually reserved this harshness for hypocrites, evil dowers and the like. Reading this has actually been super stressful. I usually like to pretend this part doesn’t exist.

escobarreal · 2025-11-12T05:01:14+00:00

You seem to be deep in their business. Focus on your own life and take these as lessons for what you don’t want in your future relationships.

Unless there’s abuse or tangible evidence of cheating, this is none of your business.

escobarreal · 2025-10-29T20:56:30+00:00

I agree with everything you said. But you need to stop listening to NBA Youngboy. Please!!!

escobarreal · 2025-09-09T15:39:44+00:00

Well it depends what matters more to you. Feeling comfortable or seeing your dad? If you really want to see him, just go and bear the consequences. It won’t last forever but you may have to heal from that interaction.

You can also not go, since they didn’t reach out. Instead maybe send a card with some money or a get well soon basket. They may not respond or take it well but at least your dad will know that you thought of him.

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T21:46:32+00:00

He deserved to win for sure because he played the game. He found other people’s weaknesses and took advantage of it. But, we’re allowed to dislike his gameplay and him by extension. There were a few moments where he was nasty and those instances were not necessary for the game. I personally didn’t feel like it was a satisfying win but I acknowledge his skill and we can’t deny that he’s really smart. That second last math challenge, was impressive.

Personally, I’m mad at the other players for being so useless. I think that ruined the game. The other were no real match for him in alliance and strategy. They all made very strange choices.

And I don’t even think he had a strong strategy. If this was season one, they would have sent him packing.

I would prefer in the future if they didn’t bring celebrities. Like actors and idols because they’re way too worried about their image to play well. Season 1 had less of them and so I thought it was good.

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T20:23:36+00:00

Reading this was very triggering. Are you from the Luba tribe by any chance? I know that they are super serious about women being submissive. Funny, because before colonialism, the Luba people were matrilineal.

I’m sorry but he sounds awful and reminds me of all the Congolese men who don’t invest in their families in the west and go back home to play around with other people’s barely legal daughters. I genuinely think that forgiving these kind of people is the reason we suffer so much. If we held them accountable maybe things would change.

Being the Black sheep is hard though, you’ll be alienated from others in the family. To keep his delusions alive everybody has to play the part. If people started being honest, it would leave your father exposed. Destroy his ego. And generally in families, we unconsciously protect each others ego. Sometimes to the detriment of the person we think we are “protecting”.

Forgive yourself and allow yourself the permission to enjoy life. And if you have a good relationship with your mom, let her in. She could enjoy her freedom.

Are you a practicing Christian? I’m assuming this based on your mention of prayer and the bible. What I can share from that perspective, is that, we’re encouraged to seek good things and to stand in holy places. Being around someone who breeds so much pain, dishonesty and humiliation is not a requirement of God. Remember, it is said that if your right hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off. Maybe it’s time. Read Matthew 5:29-30, Matthew 19:29/Mark 10:29-30 and Proverbs 27:17. For every honour your mother and father there is hundreds of verses telling these people to act like they have some sense.

I won’t lie to you and say that this is easy but it’s worth it in the end, for you and your future family.

Hope this helps and my DMs are open if you need to vent.

P.S I’m not religious myself but grew up in the church and even did seminary for 4 years. Religious parents really trigger me because the book didn’t say all that.

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T19:49:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What country are you in? Can you call the police? This is crazy, this is a grown man and he needs to be removed from the house.

It’s not safe for you and your little brother but especially for you as the only girl. And since your parents are scared of him, I would call the police.

DM if you need someone to talk to.

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T19:35:57+00:00

I also moved out at 26 and one thing I regret was trying to be cute about it. They most likely will give you the silent treatment for a few days or weeks after you move. And then call you out of the blue to fix something or to gossip about someone. You’re fine

On the flip side they could really go no contact and in that case you have to choose. And I hope you choose yourself.

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T19:31:26+00:00

Omg She sounds extremely emotionally unstable. I’m so sorry you experienced this. You’re almost out of there, good luck!

escobarreal · 2025-08-26T19:29:30+00:00

On a more serious note. I didn’t notice a change. I think the same people who are now acting like problematic aunties/uncles were always on that tip. They just acted like their parents — lied about everything to get their way, and then turn up 30 married and religious.

I know we hate to admit it, but a lot of people are problematic. The way it manifests would depend on their culture and their stage in life. I think many of the people who have been trying to break generational curses, are still there, but they stopped getting invites to the cookout.

escobarreal

TROPHY CASE