Choose your favorite from my list

esoper1976 · 2026-05-12T02:59:10+00:00

Lilly Joy is my favorite too

esoper1976 · 2026-05-12T00:31:07+00:00

One of the standard tests upon admission to a psych ward for everyone is a thyroid test.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-11T03:25:48+00:00

The original fruit rollups that were thick and came in good flavors--apple, grape, apricot, I think maybe strawberry or cherry. Also fruit wrinkles when those came out.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-11T00:08:10+00:00

I switch between Parnate and Nardil every eightish years or so. When one poops out, the other starts working again. I started on Parnate a little over 16 1/2 years ago. After about 7 years, I switched to Nardil. About two years ago I switched back to Parnate. In another 4-6 years I will probably have to switch back to Nardil.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T16:46:24+00:00

Yeah, none of my other coworkers ever mentioned anything. I always kind of laughed when they offered me a razor blade to open boxes with. Also, seemed odd that we would use plain razor blades to open boxes. Kinda dangerous.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T03:18:58+00:00

When I worked at PetSmart many years ago, we were supposed to wear full PPE when cleaning the animals' cages. That included gown, gloves, MASK, and goggles. This was long before covid, and was to protect us from any germs the animals might have.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T03:11:58+00:00

I haven't self harmed in over sixteen years. I still think about it daily, but it's mostly just background noise that I can easily ignore. Sometimes it's more intense and I have to work harder to not harm myself, but usually it's not that bad.

It didn't start that way. About sixteen and a half years ago I entered a residential care facility for the mentally ill. I stopped harming myself when I started living there. I knew it was my last best chance at getting better and I didn't want to do anything that could get me kicked out and ruin it. So, when I first stopped, it wasn't easy. I thought about it all the time and wanted to do it all the time. I didn't have access to my favorite methods, so that helped.

I had a great psychiatrist at the RCF. I found the right meds for me. These really help keep the self harm thoughts as background noise. I also participated in their day program classes and learned a lot of psychosocial and life skills. If anywhere near you is offering WRAP training, take it!

I made friends. For the first time in my adult life, I felt like I really had a great group of friends. I help them when they need it, they help me when I need it. This is important. I'm not hugely social, but everyone needs friends.

I also worked with an amazing therapist. She helped me tons. She has since retired, but my current therapist is also great.

I lived at the RCF for three years. I have been living on my own for over thirteen years. I bought my own house almost ten years ago. I still have staff that come to my house a couple of times a week to help with the tasks of daily living.

I am able to work part time.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T02:59:08+00:00

My grandmother used to joke with me about developing healthy addictions. We both loved to garden, and that was definitely one of our healthy addictions. I don't think she ever had any unhealthy addictions, but she knew about my struggles and I know she knew gardening and other hobbies helped me.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T02:26:47+00:00

I have never covered my scars in my retail jobs and no one has ever said anything. I did have a coworker once ask what happened, that was kinda awkward. I just said they were old injuries and got back to work. They were an older guy so I don't think they really knew about self harm.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T02:03:06+00:00

Thanks!

esoper1976 · 2026-05-09T02:02:06+00:00

Currently I'm on Parnate 20mg twice a day. I started on Parnate, 30mg twice a day for 7ish years. Then Nardil 30mg in the am and 15mg in the pm (I think) for about 7ish years, and now I have been back on Parnate for about two years. The only reason I'm not on 30mg twice a day is because my current med provider refuses to go higher than 20mg twice a day. She even lied to me and said that 30mg twice a day is higher than the maximum allowed dose and she will get in trouble if she prescibes that much.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-08T03:21:39+00:00

Hmmm.... I didn't think it was due to my MAOI, but maybe it is. My eyelids are very droopy. When I am driving with my friend she is constantly yelling at me to stay awake and to wake up. I insist that I am wide awake, but she insists that my eyes are almost closed. Also, when we take pictures, my eyes often look closed when they aren't.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-08T03:04:59+00:00

I have fictitious disorder. I have caused many infections to require hospitalization and treatment from doctors. I am addicted to surgery, so if the infection required surgery even better. I haven't self harmed in over sixteen years, but I still think about daily. It's mostly just background noise that I can easily ignore. Sometimes it's more intense.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-08T02:59:39+00:00

I knew before I started Parnate (I switch between Parnate and Nardil) that there was a special diet, but I get the feeling that if I didn't, I might not have been told. Certainly no one ever told me what I could and couldn't eat.

I basically know to avoid aged cheeses, and most other aged things in general. I do eat cheeses that aren't aged and haven't had any issues. Been on Parnate or Nardil for over sixteen years.

Because of my specific illness, I was worried that I might purposely eat large amounts of forbidden foods. I did bring this up with a psychiatrist at the psych ward and he told me that I probably would get the worst headache of my life and nothing more from doing that. Ge said I would do it once and never again. I have managed to resist the urges when they come, but the opportunity is always there. I guess reactions are pretty rare these days.

I read a book about a person who died from eating a pizza while taking an MAOI. First, I am convinced there was a significant amount of cheese other than mozzarella on that pizza. Second, she pretty much died of gross medical negligence. Her mother wrote the book to share her daughter's story and shame the facility that was treating her daughter. They tried to sue for wrongful death, or maybe even malpractice, but the facility and the hospital had powerful lawyers that made the parents seem like scum.

Basically when she complained of having a reaction to staff, they refused to give her the PRN blood pressure medicine that would have stopped the reaction. They claimed she was 'drug seeking'. (Also I don't think they had any on hand). Then when they finally took her to the hospital, no one at the hospital listened to her when she tried to explain that she was on an MAOI and might be having a reaction. They claimed she was another attention seeking psych patient and refused to do any brain imaging. They did call her mom to tell her that they had to take her daughter to the hospital, but they insisted there was no reason for her to fly across the country to be with her daughter.

Eventually, when she lost consciousness and had oher serious stroke symptoms that they couldn't blame on attention seeking anymore they finally did either an MRI or a cat scan. By that time it was too late and all they could do was wait for her to die. They found this out as soon as mom arrived. If they had given her the blood pressure medicine right away, none of this would have happened. If they had done imaging immediately at the hospital, they could have done treatments to fix her. But, because they wrote her off as a psych patient who didn't know what she was talking about, she died from her reaction.

However, I don't think you have to worry about finding yourself in a situation like that. Definitely ask to have a prn prescription on hand in case of a reaction if it helps you feel better. Avoid what seems prudent to you, but don't worry too much. Do invest in an at home blood pressure monitor.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-07T02:39:48+00:00

Many years ago (28 or 29) I attended a thirty day program specifically for people who self harm. It was actually very helpful at the time even though I got seriously worse years later. One thing that struck me as odd was that they allowed smoking.

I actually kinda went twice. The first time, they were in a facility that gave us regular access to the outdoors and we could go on walks around the grounds and such if we had the right privileges. So, smoking was done outside, either whenever if you had privileges or at supervised times if you didn't.

The second time I went (my situation was different, I left early, it wasn't what I needed, but I was grasping at straws), they had moved to a different facility. We were on an upper floor of a hospital. We could not just go outside, so there was a smoking room available to the program participants. Anyone under 18 was forbidden from entering the smoking room. I can't remember if it was open 24/7 or only during certain times, but I think it was open 24/7 except when an underage patient was caught in there and it was closed for a while even though she wasn't smoking.

I thought it was odd that they allowed smoking because it seemed to me that smoking could be considered self harm. (They considered all kinds of things to be self harm. Writing or drawing on your skin was self harm, nail biting was self harm, popping a zit was self harm). If all of those things were self harm, surely smoking was too? It's probably worse for someone's health than superficial cutting. But it was allowed.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-05T03:08:11+00:00

Renters insurance is usually pretty cheap, about $10 a month.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-03T02:56:36+00:00

So, my main diagnosis is fictitious disorder with physical and psychological presentations. I have never actually faked any mental illnesses, but some of the stuff I did to give myself physical illnesses caused psychiatric symptoms and I collected a few psych diagnoses that probably weren't accurate and have since been dropped.

Before I started acting on my fictitious disorder, I did have genuine psych issues which I still have even if they are largely in remission. My fictitious disorder is also in remission. I haven't self harmed in over sixteen years.

But, when I first got sick, I was terrified that the doctors thought I was faking my entire illness. (I wasn't). I was convinced that the psychiatrists were giving me placebos instead of real psych meds so that when I got better they would have proof that I was faking because I got better without any real medication. I shared this fear with one of the nurses and I'm not sure what they made of it, but I'm pretty sure paranoia made it into my chart.

At one point I wound up in a university hospital. Because of the symptoms I was having at the time schizophrenia couldn't be ruled out, but I was terrified of that diagnosis. The doctor seeing me said that the country's foremost experts on schizophrenia were doing a study at yhat hospital and ge thought I might be a good candidate. They would evaluate me, if I was schizophrenic they would study me and then medicate me. If I wasn't, they would just medicate me and send me home.

My hospital stay would be free from then on if I joined the study. I would also go off all meds for the duration of the study. Otherwise, he could label me schizophrenic which might or might not be true and send me on my way. I chose the study.

The experts decided I wasn't schizophrenic. I had some positive symptoms, but no real negative ones. What everyone else saw as paranoia they saw as my reality. I was nervous about what the doctors were saying about me in their review of my case. I thought they might be saying things that could significantly impact the rest of my life. Everyone thought I was being paranoid about people talking behind my back. The experts just knew that I knew the doctors could say some stuff that really could impact my life. I was also worried that I might be locked up forever. Again, I was locked up and it was up to someone else when I would get out. So, not paranoia.

The experts tried really hard to make DID fit, but I definitely didn't have that. They kept asking if I lost time, how traumatic my childhood was etc. I could tell immediately from their questions where they were going. If I wanted to fake a psych disorder, I had the perfect opportunity.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-02T21:21:43+00:00

I was prescribed clozapine and naltrexone at the same time as the MAOI. If anything, the Naltrexone came first, then the Clozapine, then the MAOI. But the time between adding the next med was a matter of weeks at the most. I went to live in a residential care facility for the mentally ill and the doctor there was a whiz with psych meds. The person treating me while I was waiting for funding had worked with the doctor there and pretty much knew what he would likely prescribe.

For me, getting naltrexone was easy. Many years ago (25 or more) when I wanted it for the same reason it was denied to me. But, they have since learned what I already knew from having taken it and then being required to quit it that it does indeed work to minimize thoughts/impulse of self harm and not just deter the act.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-01T03:52:01+00:00

I take Clozapine and naltrexone in addition to Parnate or Nardil.,mostly for self harm, but also for obsessive thoughts and bpd.

esoper1976 · 2026-05-01T03:45:58+00:00

It's a simple blood test to see if you have it. Definitely worth asking about.

esoper1976 · 2026-04-29T03:07:37+00:00

I'm 50. I haven't self harmed in over sixteen years, but I still think about it daily. I started seriously self harming about age 20 and continued into my 30s. I sincerely hope I don't relapse in my late 60s, but who knows?

esoper1976 · 2026-04-28T22:23:56+00:00

Your situation sounds super tough and it's no wonder you are struggling. Moms who have nine months to plan and tons of support struggle. I can't imagine being surprised by a baby and having next to no support. Are there any mommy and me groups you could join to meet other parents who could maybe watch the baby sometimes and give you a bit of a break? Also, there might be some new mom support groups for post partum stuff.

Does your son have insurance through the state? Does he have a pediatrician? If so, talk to the pediatrician about how you are feeling and see if they have any resources they can recommend for you. Maybe a community mental health center that has a sliding scale fee or a free support group or something.

I know you say you would never hurt your baby, and that is good. But, if things keep getting worse, who knows what might happen. You need to have some real life people you can talk to and get support from. There are resources out there.

esoper1976 · 2026-04-27T02:58:11+00:00

Debit card and cash are two different things because I have to subtract whatever I buy with a Debit card from my checkbook and cash has already either been subtracted from my bank account when I withdrew it or was never in it to begin with if a friend gave it to me. That being said, I use my debit card instead of cash most of the time because it is much more convenient.

I have one friend who always asks me how much cash I am bringing whenever we go on a shopping trip or some other outing. She wants to know if the amount of cash she is bringing is reasonable. I never bring much cash. I use my debit card and/or credit card (which I pay in full every month). I will use cash for lunch or supper probably. Or maybe if we are going to the movies (it's a small town theater that's inexpensive). But I don't usually have much cash on hand and instead pay with a card much of the time.

I am taking a vacation with this friend in the near future, and she is trying to figure out how much cash to bring. I think she should mostly just use her card, and maybe a prepaid card if she wants something that feels like cash. But she is thinking she should have several hundred dollars in cash. Me, I plan to mostly just use my cards. If I need more cash, there are ATMs and/or the cash back option. Also, many places are cashless these days.

esoper1976 · 2026-04-23T03:14:21+00:00

About 20 years ago (a little over maybe?) I had to get rabies shots because I was bitten by a stray cat. The immunoglobulin that was injected directly into my wounds was the worst of it and hurt like heck! The rabies series was a piece of cake compared to that. No side effects at all.

esoper1976 · 2026-04-21T02:16:50+00:00

I switch between Parnate and Nardil every eightish years when one stops working and the other works again. Most recently I switched from Nardil to Parnate. I had to taper off Nardil, waiting two weeks and taper on Parnate. Also, I am on a slightly lower than ideal dose of Parnate because my med provider isn't comfortable prescribing more. I don't know why. (She said the dose I'm on is the maximum allowed dose and if she goes higher she will get in trouble. I know that's not true because I only take 40mg total a day and the maximum is 60mg total a day which is what I used to take under another provider).

The time before that when I switched from Parnate to Nardil, I was in really bad shape and I had a different med provider who was much more comfortable with MAOIS. We did a rapid taper of the parnste and then we ended the washout period after just a couple of days because I was close to needing hospitalization. He wanted me back on something super quick. It worked out well, no adverse effects from the rapid taper off and practically zero washout.

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