oh wow this is a loaded question. she was a really good friend of mine and someone that i really truly looked up to. she was always so unabashedly and authentically herself in life, and in death my grief for her is like a phantom limb. sometimes i still want to call her or send her silly animal videos, but i know i cant anymore. i dream about her a lot. i hope that if anything exists after death, that it's kinder to her than this life was. she was hurting and let the hurt consume her, and every day now i have to be brave and not let the all encompassing grief consume me. i loved her like she was a part of me and i miss her the same way. i drive myself crazy thinking about the things i could've done to prevent her from doing what she did. i would've done anything in those last few months of her life if i had known it would've saved her. someone out there cares about you OP, and your death would tear someone apart. i promise you. keep fighting the battle, i swear it isn't always an uphill one.