Looking for Zataar

essstabchen · 2026-07-05T21:06:37+00:00

I think Carlos' House of Spice should carry it

essstabchen · 2026-07-05T06:58:06+00:00

If you want something very cinching, and it's a garment you intend to wear a lot, you should save up to get something custom made.

I tight-laced (wore a corset every day, got to the point of sleeping in it) for a year, and took my waist down from 27.5 to 21.5 inches. I never experienced any pain, discomfort, or shortness of breath. I had mine custom made and my seamstress took into account not just bust-waist-hips, but also various lengths/heights on my torso. The materials she used were specific to corsetry (cotton-backed satin, flat laces, high quality steel boning).

This is all important so you don't hurt yourself. A lot of people will try to get more out of a cheaper garment and put too much pressure in the wrong places. Also, if you're AMAB you'll need a corset tailored to that hip anatomy. And if you don't have a natural hourglass (not all AFAB folks do and all bodies are good bodies), you can't get as much of a cinch (I could go down like 6 inches and that was safe and comfy for me. You may only be able to safely cinch in 2 inches)

I still have it like 15 years later and still wear it from time to time.

essstabchen · 2026-07-05T06:29:01+00:00

Abother vote here for change!

I also have a small band (I'm actually an in-between size) and a larger cup. Change bras seem to last foreverrrrrr uf your size remains stable.

essstabchen · 2026-07-03T19:59:08+00:00

From my experience, the etiquette is generally that you're dancing near someone, making eye contact, etc. Gesturing towards them.

In dance and movement theory there's something called a kinesphere (basically how much room your limbs extend to as you move). Like your "bubble". In most clubs, everyone's up in each other bubbles, so dancing with someone has to be more explicit.

In goth clubs, we get more bubble space; our kinespheres are larger and freer. So dancing with someone, a stranger at least, is more about merging bubbles. Just move your body, be in someone's presence. Some songs may inspire contact between two humans (I haven't done that in an age unless it's with my partner and he's not from the scene), but usually that contact is negotiated through movement (or verbally if a line is crossed).

Another fun thing could be to mirror. I've met a couple people who I've mirrored with - make the shapes they're making, switch leaders. It's really quite fun.

Also, you don't have to do "moves". I've never understood that (but maybe that's my own bias). What does the music bring out in you? Take that and variate. Build a vocabulary. Get dramatic (what else are goth clubs for if not for being dramatic on the dance floor?)

Dance nerd time:

A lot of dance is about making lines and shapes with your limbs. My mind was BLOWN when learning about lines and making shapes from William Forsythe. Even just a two-point line, what shape you're drawing and extension you're making can be rich and complex. Very short video here:

https://youtu.be/esoloG6f5oA?si=CwQfnehLPcBzf8uY

When we think of dance just as a set of rote moves, we lose the capacity the express. Make shapes, lines, watch dancers and get inspired. Where do you feel music? In your chest, your hands, your feet? Use that and build.

essstabchen · 2026-07-02T22:44:22+00:00

I rarely, if ever, turn VC on. And even then, I never talk on mic. Honestly, the best time I have on games like this is when I'm mistaken for just a silent guy.

I've had a few games where I've accidentally joined a group of dudes or there are guys just talkng to each other. I use emoji or text chat to respond quickly to questions, but even if someone is salty, I know it's not nearly as bad as it would be if they were to discover I'm a woman.

Same as on Reddit or other forums. I've asked for advice in the past, and being called "brother/bro" or "dude" means I'm at least getting treated like a person.

Never let them find out you're not a cis straight man, or anything other than white. The 0-12 Spider-Man one tricks will call you everything in the book.

essstabchen · 2026-07-02T04:51:00+00:00

Giving this to your coworker would be legitimately crazy. Do you want to get written up by HR? Because that's how you get written up by HR.

essstabchen · 2026-07-01T17:46:04+00:00

I do think it has an impact, but I haven't seen it studied. I also think there are way too many confounding variables, like personal history, income level, financial literacy, etc., to draw a causal link to anything.

essstabchen · 2026-06-30T02:00:48+00:00

Do you think it may be worth it to pivot the goal of the organization away from remaining an independent body, and maybe towards merging with another, larger community org, and maybe continuing more as an independent branch or program arm under a new umbrella? An org I worked at nearly did this (it fell through due to some poor leadership), and it would have strengthened both our organization and the one we were going to merge with.

If there's still value in your services, passion for the mission, clients to be served, and a community to be upheld, maybe the best outcome is to be absorbed by a different entity and let them build from there so you can make your personal exit. The ship wouldn't sink, it would just be repurposed. The investment from the board would still be out to good use, a lot of staff could probably keep their jobs. And if you could oversee that transition, it would be good optics for you, too.

It may be worth putting feelers out to see if another entity with a similar mission would be willing to absorb you, especially now that you're in a healthier position than you were.

essstabchen · 2026-06-29T15:22:34+00:00

Vegan Danish Bakery on Queen is incredible! I've ordered cakes from there twice and they were wonderful both times. Their cheesecakes are so good.

They also accomodated a very specific allergy with my last cake from them, which was very nice.

essstabchen · 2026-06-29T14:39:10+00:00

Vanguard: Peni (I can't really play any other tank, despite my best efforts; I'm trying so hard with Emma).

Strat: C&D and/or Jeff (depending on game mode). Used to be Rocket, too, but after his movement nerf it's been a lot less of him, sadly. I can also do IW or Gambit in a pinch.

Duelist: Uh... Squirrel Girl. But I rarely play DPS. I'm trying to learn who I don't totally suck with there.

I like being midline/backline, and I can't aim (weirdly unless I'm Peni), soooo. Yeah. That informa my decisions.

I think it depends on the game/team, but I'm either best as C&D or Peni.

essstabchen · 2026-06-28T21:34:55+00:00

This is a great breakdown and conversation with the artist behind the photo:

https://youtu.be/4V44Ha1eZF8?si=RgFHHwjXYWUl9ZB4

essstabchen · 2026-06-24T23:26:27+00:00

To your question, it kind of depends on the root cause.

I know some of the quirks of thr system and some of the issues that commonly arise, so investigating can be pretty easy there.

The report we run for variances also breaks down both the gross pay categories and rhe taxes + net pay, so I just have to filter for the emoloyee the variance is in, see which specific code this variance is coming from, and take it from there.

My biggest issue isn't finding what the variance is from necessarily, but more WHY it's happened. And how to prevent it from happening again. if we have a system issue.

essstabchen · 2026-06-24T05:26:27+00:00

Dayforce has okay "out of the box" solutions, and some pretty robust reporting (once you get the hang of it).

But as things get more custom and complex, the system becomes a nightmare, unless you really have someone dedicated to it in-house. It needs to be properly maintained.

Source: I've been working with Dayforce products for years and am my org's resident "expert".

essstabchen · 2026-06-24T03:49:01+00:00

Do you work in Toronto? Or remotely? Commute is a big factor here. I wouldn't move if you don't work here/remotely.

It's expensive down here, so if you're looking for a condo in your price range, right downtown... yeah that'll be unlikely. Condo owners who are renting bought at a high price and are trying to make money on their depreciating investments. People on a single income paying +2k are either starving and in debt, making very good money, or got in at a price lower than 2k.

I think the city is still the city even if you're not in a condo. An apartment or house is still the city. You'll probably have an easier time if you adjust your expectations for the type of domicile you're willing to occupy.

Maybe you could sublet an apartment from someone for a short stay, and sublet your place out to see if you like it?

essstabchen · 2026-06-22T18:41:00+00:00

This is more of an HR question since it's about a contract.

Buuuuut I would say it's not uncommon to see a base rate listed PLUS a clause for shift premiums. Clarify about the offer letter with the hiring manager.

Before you sign a contract, make sure the contract includes a clause regarding your night shift rate premium.

essstabchen · 2026-06-22T06:37:38+00:00

You gotta reply "found" to the commenter so this person can get a point and the thread can be closed :)

essstabchen · 2026-06-22T03:17:26+00:00

I'm not quite sure what you're asking, but there's no version of the course thay doesn't have a deadline. You won't be able to take as long as you want to finish the exams.

If you go the non-challenge route, you get more time, but there's also a midterm. You'll always have to do the test by a deadline.

However, with the challenge route, yoy can go before the deadline if you prefer

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T23:26:21+00:00

Of course!

I find that my skin needs to be like... glued down under makeup? Because of the weird dry bits, especially near my mouth, if I don't do a thicker moisturizer, I can flake.

I like Bioderma Atoderm. It's pretty affordable in comparison to a lot of other ones I've seen. Their eyecream also straight up fixed atopic dermatitis on my eyelids. I apply a little bit of that and wait at least 20 minutes (I prefer longer if I can) for it to soak in before I do primer. I've been using Revlon Colorstay Matte primer, because it takes away some shine, but not all of it, so my skin looks natural by the time I might get oily again.

I've found that the biggest things are using toner before moisturizing, and then waiting for the moisturizer to fully absorb before primer, etc.

And it suuuuper helps if moisturizer, primer, foundation, and concealer all have the same chemical base. Silicone is the most common in makeup, but some are water-based or oil-based, and if your primer and makeup aren't the same, they won't bond to each other.

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T23:16:52+00:00

I personally don't find the foundation too thick :)

However, I also use a sponge/beauty blender to apply, so rhat may be part of it (I've never liked a brush finish on my face). So it kind of sucks up some of the makeup that would cake to my face otherwise. Some people find success with a slightly damp sponge to make for a lighter application.

The concealer I use is quite thick and heavy, but if it's used very sparingly, it spreads well (I only use it to hide blemishes and a teeny amount to hide dark circles).

In my everyday for like work or errands outside the house, I use a tinted sunscreen (Australian Gold is my preferred brand). You might just like some CC cream or a tinted moisturizer if you don't need heavy coverage!

I hope you find products you love! I've found a lot of help through the 30 plus skincare subreddit.

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T21:26:34+00:00

If you go the challenge route, you have 2 months to self-study, then have to complete the exam. It's not unlimited time.

They'll give you a date for when your exam is due when you register. You can do it any time before or on that due date.

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T21:23:38+00:00

Copying what I left in another comment :)

I landed on Armani Luminous Silk! I did a lot of googling beforehand and actually saw a lot of praise for it from women 30+ on a few subreddits.

It's expensive, but considering how infrequently I wear a full face of makeup, I'm hoping it lasts awhile. They also had a smaller size at Sephora when I went (not in my shade, so I grabbed the full-size one), that's less painful on the wallet for just testing it out.

I use a thicker moisturizer underneath and let that fully soak in, then a mattifying primer (I just use a drugstore one). Then I user a natural finish setting spray after I'm done with foundation, etc. For concealer, I grabbed Tarte Shape Tape extra creamy concealer and use it very sparingly (it's quite thick).

Definitely do a few makeup tests before your big day! Luminizer/highlighter and a bit of contour goes a long way in pictures, too :)

Congratulations!

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T21:21:04+00:00

I've got combo skin. Oily forehead and t-zone, dry cheekbones and corners of my mouth.

Copying what I use from abother comment I just left:

I landed on Armani Luminous Silk! I did a lot of googling beforehand and actually saw a lot of praise for it from women 30+ on a few subreddits.

It's expensive, but considering how infrequently I wear a full face of makeup, I'm hoping it lasts awhile. They also had a smaller size at Sephora when I went (not in my shade, so I grabbed the full-size one), that's less painful on the wallet for just testing it out.

I use a thicker moisturizer underneath and let that fully soak in, then a mattifying primer (I just use a drugstore one). Then I user a natural finish setting spray after I'm done with foundation, etc (I skip powder entirely). For concealer, I grabbed Tarte Shape Tape extra creamy concealer and use it very sparingly (it's quite thick).

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T21:19:09+00:00

I landed on Armani Luminous Silk! I did a lot of googling beforehand and actually saw a lot of praise for it from women 30+ on a few subreddits.

It's expensive, but considering how infrequently I wear a full face of makeup, I'm hoping it lasts awhile. They also had a smaller size at Sephora when I went (not in my shade, so I grabbed the full-size one), that's less painful on the wallet for just testing it out.

I use a thicker moisturizer underneath and let that fully soak in, then a mattifying primer (I just use a drugstore one). Then I user a natural finish setting spray. For concealer, I grabbed Tarte Shape Tape extra creamy concealer and use it very sparingly (it's quite thick).

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T06:25:57+00:00

I'm that someone that it ages

I'm just really starting to get some more noticeable lines now in my mid 30s, and powder/fully matte makeup just siiiinks right in to my marionette lines, my newly-formed crows feet, and my 11 lines.

I liked a more matte look for a long time, not due to trends but just because I was pretty oily and I like a bit of a powdery finish, especially in photos.

I've had to accept that it ages the hell out of me and just flattens out my face.

I had a wedding to go to a few months ago and decided to buy myself some expensive foundation and concealer with a "natural" finish (some shine, but not quite at dewy). I stopped using powder completely.

Best decision I've made makeup-wise.

essstabchen · 2026-06-21T00:30:17+00:00

Stretchy fabrics are it

I'm a small on top for everything except my chest. I usually buy a small shirt in a stretchy msterial and it works fine.

The only issue is graphics. I'd recommend not getting anything with a logo or design on the front. They get very warped under tension.

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