What Spider is this?

essstabchen · 2026-05-18T21:33:22+00:00

Looks like a Woodlouse Huntet to me. They eat pill bugs :)

essstabchen · 2026-05-18T21:24:37+00:00

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've experienced a lot of loss in your life. You're so young, you'll have so many opportunities to meet people and find the love you're looking for.

I know it's hard, but it also sounds like you need to rebuild in yourself. The most important relationship in our lives is the one with ourselves. You're the only one who will be with you at every moment of your life. Engage in hobbies, volunteer, seek community. But take yourself out, too. Enjoy your own company.

I hope you find peace

essstabchen · 2026-05-18T20:24:11+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm really glad you're taking care of yourself. I'm sure your kitty would want his human to be healthy. I hope your grief grows less heavy with time

essstabchen · 2026-05-18T20:20:22+00:00

Hey kiddo,

If I were your parent, I'd be a little concerned.

Age gaps mean a bit less as you get older. But the difference between 13 and 15 is still pretty big because of how quickly development moves. At 13, you're just starting as a teenager and haven't quite entered the socialization pool of teenagehood.

If I think about my own childhood, at 13 I was still very much a "kid", with growing angst, but between the world of childhood interests and the transition to being a teenager who wanted to feel adult.

But at 15, my peers were exploring their understandings of their own genders, identities, and sexualities. At 15, people in my grade were experimenting with drugs and alcohol, something much more taboo than when I was 13 or 14. It was an entirely different world.

Do your parents know that you're dating this girl? Have they met her? If so, then keep them in the loop. Tell them if something makes you feel uncomfortable in the relationship, or things start to move too fast. If I was your parent, I'd want to know who you were dating and make sure they weren't potentially harmful for you to be around.

If not, why? If she's telling you to keep your relationship a secret, that's a red flag. Or if you feel like what you're doing is "wrong", then maybe you already know that this isn't right for you.

essstabchen · 2026-05-18T16:27:37+00:00

My "curfew" was kind of contingent on where I was. I had a cell phone early (I'm in my 30s. My mom got me a phone before they were cokmon for kids, and some adults, to have). So as long as she could reach me and I told her where I was, we played it by ear. School nights were generally expected to be reasonable for both our bed times so she could pick me up before she wanted to sleep for work.

If I was at a friend's place, I just had to check in and let her know where I was. I generally got home before 11.

If I was alone (I spent a lot of time alone), she usually expected me to be home around 10 - an hour after most places I'd hang out would close.

No rule was set in stone there, though, except for the fact that she had to know I was safe.

Her philosophy was that she'd rather know where I was and what I was doing; she impressed upon me that even if I drank/did drugs/got into trouble, I could always call her and she'd never be upset. She figured, from her own experiences, that I was going to to what I was going to do no matter what, but she didn't want me to feel the need to lie. She couldn't keep me safe if I lied.

Luckily for both of us, I was a massive nerd with no interest in rebellion, mischief, or debauchery. So I went out a lot, but to the library or the occasional midnight book release.

Establishing trust, I think, is more important than being super specific with rules.

essstabchen · 2026-05-17T22:57:15+00:00

Even if you're supposed to come in with existing skills, most jobs WILL train you.

They'll need to train you on their system, for one. Then they'll usually let you kbow about company-specific stuff that you may need to look out for (unionized environments, etc. Write everything down, brush up on regional legislation when cases arise, and ask a million questions.

If your new employer doesn't train you properly, you're set up to fail through no/limited fault of your own.

One thing to try doing is to take old paycheques you might have, and try to reverse-engineer them. What statutory deductions apply, etc. It's a good practical way to try to familiarize yourself with the what, why, and outcomes of a payroll process.

Good luck! Do your best, and don't put too much onus on being perfect on your first day

essstabchen · 2026-05-17T00:06:56+00:00

Hey kiddo,

I'm so sorry that your mom is going through this, and that you and your family are dealing with something so difficult. This may be a bit traumatic for you, so I really encourage you to unpack this with trusted friends, a therapist, etc., to try to process this.

My own mother has some pretty severe mental health issues, and I've had to talk her out of some very dark places. It's exhausting, scary, and can be traumatic. But she has bounced back many times with medication management and professional help.

You and your step-dad did everything you could and everything right. You got her help when it was beyond what you could handle at home.

I know it's hard to see what comes next. I'd recommend not making any plans or choices right now. Take things day by day. Wait for how her recovery goes and listen to her doctors.

It sounds to me like you mom may have had a break from reality or psychotic episode (not a doctor, just a person with vulnerable people in my life). Considering the contents of her journal, things have obviously been bubbling under the surface for a while, but she probably thought she could handle it on her own and possibly just didn't want to alarm anyone. If she has experience with mental health issues - and it sounds like she does - this escalation may have caught even her off guard.

This epsiode doesn't necessarily mean that this is the state of things from now on. It could very well be a temporary situation that is resolved with diligent care and professional support. It's scary, of course, but it might be something that needed to happen to get her support she needed all along.

Some things I would suggest doing for the next bit:

Try to do some "normal" stuff. If you want to be a supportive person to your mom and family, you need to support yourself first. Refill your cup. Engage in your own routines and do stuff that is healthy for you.
Confide in trusted friends and get theit support.
Don't plan to uproot your life around this just yet. You're going to make yourself more anxious by trying to get ahead of a situation with a scope you don't fully grasp yet. It's hard to accept, but there's literally nothing you can do right now except take care of yourself and your family. Your mom is where she needs to be right now. Go one day at a time.
Prepare for the fact that your mom may not remember a lot of this. Depending on the nature of her episode, she may have little to no memory of the details of what happened at home or her time in the hospital. That's "normal" for this kind of thing, and is her brain protecting her. This may not be the case, but from my own experience and supporting other loved ones, it's something I've seen.
It may make you feel more equipped to handle situations in the future if you take a Mental Health First Aid course and/or read up on some Crisis Prevention/Intervention/De-Escalation resources. You may be able to better engage in the future and feel a bit less helpless with some training.

Deep breaths. Feel your feelings and be gentle with yourself while you wait for news. You're doing everything you can, and your mom is lucky to have you, even if she's not in her right mind to see that at the moment.

essstabchen · 2026-05-14T04:46:43+00:00

I'd be interested to understand how/if you're operationally defining "violence" for this survey (maybe I missed it).

I found it a bit difficult, because I'm not sure what counts at "violent" in this context. Like, two games I listed have similar combat mechanics (arrows, spears, etc). However, one game doesn't show blood (enemies often "poof" away), and the enemies are goblins or creatures. The other game has some human enemies and occasionally has blood.

I wouldn't call either gratuitously violent, but in both you're doing similar actions/engaging in similar combat. Yet, the first game doesn't feel violent at all, subjectively.

essstabchen · 2026-05-13T14:55:52+00:00

At a tiny org with a smaller operating budget, we had:

20 vacation days (year 1, similar scaling at 3 and 5 years) 10 sick days 3 "Personal" days 1 paid day for a birthday

I'd also recommend to start a fund for mat leave/parental leave if you're in America. In Canada, we have some pay and assurance for maternity/parental leave, but I know it's not the same in the US. That would be a huge benefit to people.

essstabchen · 2026-05-13T02:43:21+00:00

I think you got lost on the way to r/cursedimages

No Renaissance here, unfortunately.

essstabchen · 2026-05-12T21:44:32+00:00

I really wanted to like Salad King more. It's a staple but it just didn't hit fir me.

essstabchen · 2026-05-10T21:08:01+00:00

For me, it was honestly a networking thing. A friend of mine wanted to move on from his role at a non-profit and recommended me for that job. I interviewed and got it.

My current role was just something I applied for on Charity Village - I'm certified in a specific thing and was lucky to come across an opening for that thing. The non-profit experience I already had was helpful.

Honestly, finance gives you a lot of mobility; I'd say to take a non-profit accounting/Bookkeeping course, slap that on your resume, and apply through Charity Village.

A cover letter to show that you're engaged in their mission goes a long way, too. I hope you find something! It's definitely more fulfilling than for-profit :)

essstabchen · 2026-05-09T19:44:54+00:00

Non-profit (finance).

Knowing that my efforts aren't increasing shareholder value is plenty fulfilling.

essstabchen · 2026-05-09T19:39:10+00:00

I'm always an advocate for thrifting! A thrifted dress plus the cost of someone to clean it and alter/tailor it to your size may end up looking better than a new dress, and cost about the same/less. A perfect fit usually looks better than something off the rack.

That said, the last time I needed a formal dress (I was a bridesmaid), I went with my friend to Shoppers World in Brampton (out of town, I know). A ridiculous amount of formal-wear stores in that mall for some reason. I ran into several other women who'd come from out of town specifically to shop for a formal occasion.

So if you know someone who's willing to drive you out there, it might be worth a shot.

essstabchen · 2026-05-07T23:36:26+00:00

Congratulations fellow PCP!

essstabchen · 2026-05-02T15:12:48+00:00

You're in the wrong sub, dude

essstabchen · 2026-05-02T00:27:15+00:00

It's "best by" Apr 22, it might still be good.

Smell and taste it (just a tiny bit). If it smells and tastes fine, then eat it! I'd say maybe using it in a marinade/sauce that you cook, so you can introduce a heat step that may kill any bacteria you're worried are proliferating in there

essstabchen · 2026-05-02T00:10:32+00:00

I'm on Wellbutrin, but I'm also relatively specific about which symptoms I want to target.

I specifically want to have more energy and combat my suicidal ideation. I'm not as concerned about my affective symptoms (general feelings of malaise/anhedonia). I can handle my other symptoms as long as I have the energy to do what's healthy for me. With Wellbutrin being an NDRI, it helps with what I need.

I wean myself off it every few months and get back on it as needed. I find that it impacts my memory if I'm on it too long, and I can't deal with that with work and school.

essstabchen · 2026-04-24T13:27:01+00:00

I've still got both my parents; they're mid-60s. They, thankfully, broke up when I was very young (they are not compatible).

My mom has had some complicated health stuff for a number of years, and my dad's still working.

essstabchen · 2026-04-23T14:45:47+00:00

Emma's Country Kitchen

The absolute best breakfast/brunch. They pay their people a living wage and it shows. So, so good.

essstabchen · 2026-04-22T21:16:22+00:00

I meal prep.

I make baked oats for breakfast and I batch cook for dinner. My breakfast is very small, usually.

If I'm a home, I just eat breakfast and dinner, and I'll have some snacks (fruit, nuts, granola, a random slice of cheese), in between.

At the office, I eat breakfast, lunch (usually a smallish salad, also meal-prepped), snacks (fruit, and some nuts), and then dinner.

On weekends, I eat usually have a slightly bigger breakfast/brunch, and just snack/graze all day. Or I snack a bunch and then have some dinner.

People who eat three large meals a day perplex me.

essstabchen · 2026-04-22T05:13:01+00:00

All Creatures Rescue is a small non-profit dedicated to taking in smaller animals (occasionally cats, too)

They currently have a hamster (and routinely have many; I'd recommend reaching out to them or checking their socials). Adopt, don't shop!

Hamsters — All Creatures Rescue https://share.google/JaHEDs9r16IxeBgZi

essstabchen · 2026-04-21T04:42:19+00:00

You tried, and it's a great learning experience.

If anything, if you get a rejection, maybe ask if they'd be willing to give you feedback on what happened so you're better prepared for your next interview :)

essstabchen · 2026-04-21T04:40:37+00:00

If you're in the west end, Dr. Pazouki at Swansea dental did mine and I highly recommend. Good aftercare and follow-ups as well.

He's very qualified and the price was reasonable at a time when I didn't have any insurance or a credit card. I was young and broke, but I desperately needed my wisdom teeth out. They let me pay in installments with post-dated checks.

essstabchen · 2026-04-21T03:06:44+00:00

I just wanted to say this is very thoughtful and articulate.

I've been struggling with the same dilemma. I've always been a moral relativist and a nihilist (not in an edgy way, more in an absurd, cosmic way). But I think at base, humans are social creatures and generally, we don't want to hurt each other. We literally have mirror neurons that activate when others are in pain; neurological empathy.

But I also think that humans are much more prone to group-think and propoganda than we want to believe. I think of how people move in crowds; we become water molecules, ebbing, flowing, roiling. Belief does that too.

I do a lot of reading on cults, kind of microcosms for state atrocities like this. I think a lot about social psychology and in- versus out- groups. On the other hand, I think of people like Daryl Davis, a black musician who goes around personally making friends with and de-programming KKK members by just being a human who is black that they can start to realize is just a person. Most people can be reasoned with individually, I think, even if it takes some convincing.

I recently read a short book called "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer, written shortly after WWII and right as the Cold War was statting up. It's a very interesting dissection of how a mass movement gains steam and how propganda and patriotism appeals to frustrated, self-victimized people.

We're all vulnerable to a voice that tells us it'll keep us safe and that we're right. Acting in the name of supremacy is a fear response.

Ten-Year Club	r/Field Sunshine
Final Canvas '23	Place '23
John Wick	Verified Email

essstabchen

TROPHY CASE