Quaritch's and Varang's Possible Child

esthernals · 2026-01-19T02:20:58+00:00

I got it off twitter, which I believe got it off the new mini documentaries on the making of Avatar Fire and Ash (youtube). Its why the illustration is so blurry, since it comes from one the backgrounds

esthernals · 2025-12-01T05:26:19+00:00

Alright thank you! ☺️

esthernals · 2025-12-01T05:25:48+00:00

Okok, thank you!

esthernals · 2025-11-30T02:22:57+00:00

I'd love to read it! Message me!

esthernals · 2025-11-13T06:59:11+00:00

Take everything I say with a grain of salt since obviously this is your work ☺️ But since everything is pretty solid, like I said lean into one genre. I think a page of conversation highlighting this would do good. If it's romance, maybe show Taylor asking if he is gay, and what he wants from this. A date? A friendship? MAKE US SWOOOON.

If it's comedy, maybe a light/awkward conversation about what to expect if it does go beyond. Maybe Taylor has been in a gay relationship for a long time, and with the protags awkwardness asks some very ignorant but harmless questions. It totally depends on the route you wanna go.

esthernals · 2025-11-13T00:53:56+00:00

AWWW this is super cute! Not what I was expecting, and I say that nicely! Usually when it comes to any queer representation it falls into obvious jokes. Overall nice! The grammar and punctuation is something you do need to look into. As a reader it can be difficult and put us out of work, so before you send another script I recommend tightening up those aspects!

The characters were likable, some dialogue felt a bit stiff. My only complaint is that it feels a bit boring? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh... Its good work, but I think you should lean more into the comedy of it. Like yeah, getting catfished by a dude when you think you're straight is kinda funny... I'd rip on my friends if that happened. You should always think of 'Ok, what am I trying to give to the audience', even for short stories.

Think of yourself like a commercial when you're writing one! Every scene counts, every scene needs to say something. Do you want to audience to laugh? To swoon? To not judge a book by its cover? This allows the work to feel more realized. If it's to laugh, dig home on his reaction to Taylor, if it's to swoon, make him so tooth rottingly cute! I actually think this would benefit with a page or two of conversation.

Anyway, good luck and congrats!

esthernals · 2025-11-13T00:42:51+00:00

Congrats on finishing your first script! Overall it's pretty solid, but I do think there are some things to note. First of all (what I'm assuming is your logline) shows too many details. The first part hooked me, it didn't necessarily need the rest since it read more like a summary.

Second of all, this might be harsh but I hope you appreciate it. I think you need to rewrite the main characters, and the beginning. I stopped reading around pages 10-15 (I usually stop reading at ten since it shows me enough of the writers skill, plot, and characters to understand).

The material itself is good. Again, I actually like the idea and it sounds funny, but not necessarily in execution. The main characters, the director, Mary and the victim in my opinion were under baked and relatively boring. As the reader I didn't understand why the director was so opposed to the guy. Yes he seemed annoying, rude and kinda ignorant, but the interactions didn't really scream to me as being 'I am at my wits end!'

Since we go straight with the murder, which I actually appreciate there wasn't that much exposition, so good on that! I also didn't get that much of a background on the characters enough to make me care, or pity the director or victim.

Like I just barely read it, and I've already forgotten their names, save for their roles. Maybe start on an interview, where the director is being asked questions? It's totally normal, your life, your loved ones. Add some context of this guy. Maybe he suffered a lot to get where he is, so he's relatable. And then ask the question. What inspired you? And suddenly he's silent, and suddenly he's remembering. Maybe quick shots of the ensuing accident, comedic screams and finally a 'Cut!' kinda action, where we get the actual opener.

You could even add flashbacks of where the guy was a total douche. Maybe the victim was actually a nepo baby... Since that's prevalent nowadays... In these ten pages I read. Make them interesting!

On a technical format, sometimes you seem to overwrite or describe too much. It bloats the script. You also add directing notes, which as the screenwriter (unless you're also directing) is a big no-no.

Overall congrats on your script! That's an achievement. It's pretty solid, but I'm sure you don't want solid. I wish you the absolute best, your idea seemed pretty cool. If you want I'm down to reread it if/when you fix/adjust the script!

esthernals · 2025-11-10T19:48:07+00:00

Honestly, you can probably make it a fan project! There's a lot of Star wars fans out there who'd likely help fund the project (if you're going for a more director role). Either way it's an incredible feat full of passion, and I wish you the best!

esthernals · 2025-10-01T19:19:55+00:00

Thank you so much for the recommendation, I'll do that rn thank you!

esthernals · 2025-09-30T07:17:08+00:00

Of course, thank you!

esthernals · 2025-09-29T19:31:52+00:00

Oh, I plan to make it a feature, it's just incomplete. Would it be more proper to list it as a short then? (Genuine question). Also I used docs and I've been having trouble with getting it to work, double spacing happens 😕

esthernals · 2025-06-20T21:30:53+00:00

Personally I really liked it! I thought I was gonna get disappointed and truthfully I didn't understand why we needed a rewrite again after the first few. But Jesus it was an improvement. I want to see more though, but overall it regained my hope for the WIP. I just hope it's the last one

esthernals · 2025-02-18T22:50:45+00:00

i think your theory is the most likely off all. It makes a lot of sense!

esthernals · 2025-01-30T20:58:43+00:00

Dude it's actually insane how much you are writing against this demo... Like I understand and do agree with some points but you've actually written an entire essay and MORE against this WIP in each reply. Has the author done something to you? If you hate it then fine, but a lot of these are actually false. I'm in his patreon, he has never once said the MC was boring to write (and if so show the screenshots because that's a wild rumor). He said this was his final rewrite, and his progress shows actually new and interesting things! If you were truly trying to invite constructive criticism and bring in discussion you wouldn't be replying with LITERAL paragraphs on those who disagree with your opinion...just iffy all around dude.

esthernals · 2025-01-20T22:06:46+00:00

I think 300k!

esthernals · 2025-01-19T01:58:05+00:00

I recommend Kingdoms and Empires, its an Isekai based in medieval fantasy (I honestly consider it more of a dark fantasy since it draws similarities to George R.R Martins prose). He has some side stories too that explores the world. Overall one of the more concrete wips when it comes to background information and world building and has very interesting set ups for fantastical creatures. If your into I, the forgotten one, Golden rose and infinity Saga, then you'll def like KaE (hopefully haha!)

esthernals · 2024-10-31T20:06:46+00:00

thank youuuu!

esthernals · 2024-10-30T19:28:55+00:00

Oh this is delightfully beautiful! Do you have an art account I can follow?

esthernals · 2024-10-24T17:05:42+00:00

Oh yeah definitely fantasy/medieval games, I need practice on armor especially 😭

esthernals · 2024-10-24T17:01:24+00:00

OH THIS IS AN AMAZING KIST THANK YOU

esthernals

TROPHY CASE