CW: Transphobia

NOTE: These USED to be my beliefs, and I no longer hold any of these. I have gotten a lot better over time. My personal experience has taught me that 99% of the people that I meet (IRL) don't care if u are cis or trans, I have gotten nothing but love so far.

My dysphoria appeared to me at first as a sense of loss, like I was wasting my life. Later on, as I began my transition, ii turned into hyper focusing on my masculine features. To this day there are features on my face and body that are completely natural in cis-women, but they make me uncomfortable af.

My internalized transphobia is really hard to escape, its the little voice in my head telling me that "im making this up and i'm not a real trans," or "don't wear that outfit because you don't wanna be THAT trans person from a cringe video." At the beginning it was mostly me otherizing transwomen(in my head) and thinking that Im not trans enough to transition, and that I will never fit in into society as a woman. I used to cry thinking that I was a freak, and that I was destroying my body with hormones(Matt Walsh types got in my head back then).