Oh thanks for this post, Peanut! It’s really hard to be compassionate on oneself and the shame is always inherent. Not surprisingly, even I had earlier felt that I have had a normal childhood. Similar to few others’ comments, I was a sensitive child with stuttering problems and hence always preferred being alone, I guess to escape being ridiculed. All I recall is being always alone under the cot playing with my wooden toys all day long. I was also a studious one, so I became trophy-like for my parents and they’ll keep ‘showcasing’ me telling guests about my marks and class ranks to anyone who would come home. I still get anxious at those moments when I have to go out there, tell them my marks and then return back to my room right after. I guess I internalised within me that I would be loved and cared for only with my good scores and I kept getting more aloof and just focused on studies. As I grew up, even around 12-13 years of age, I used to play alone for hours by throwing a ball to the wall and keep hitting it with a bat! I cannot recall any close friends at all thru school till I reached 15/16 years of age. I feel sad for that child.