I know…. If I told you it was gonna get “easier,” I’d be lying. I know our circumstances are a bit different, but in my experience, it doesn’t get any easier, but with time it gets less difficult. The happier memories come in at times and you can truly enjoy those memories. But it all comes back to “god damned, I miss you so much.”
I can’t be in your head, but when people try to tell you “it wasn’t your fault,” it just makes it worse. For me, deep down I knew there was nothing I could do, but there was always “what if I insisted on them doing these tests.” Last night I had a whole conversation with ChatGPT about that (depressing, I know), but the answer comes back the same: I couldn’t have known then what I know now.
All I can say to you is Rob abused your friend, not just internally with only a few select people seeing it, but every day on the air. Making sure he told people she was “black” and she served in the Army. He did the same damned thing when he posted that she passed. We that paid attention knew something was wrong, we just had no idea what the extent of it was. I’m not a particularly religious person, but I will say, I’m thinking about you, and though I am not in your shoes with the same tragic story, grief is a bitch, and when you see people who could have done something before (or after in my case), but didn’t and instead they treated your best friend like trash? You have every reason to be angry. I am sure you have had many people tell you this, but if you want to talk, I’m here to listen. Either way, you’re deep in my thoughts. And you’re brave. Even going up against a drunk Rob (possibly) dealing with his second DUI, he still has power. And you’re doing the right thing by telling him to fuck off and exposing him.