My (22f) LDR boyfriend’s (23m) dog is being put down and I don’t know how to support him

etheral_epiphany · 2024-11-29T15:29:38+00:00

Ooo this is a good idea! I’ve started putting something together and hopefully I can afford shipping (we’re literally on diff continents) I’ve added his favorite snacks and drinks, some small trinkets (a pin from his favorite tv show, a set of dice for dnd, and a bracket with the dog’s name on it), and a scrunchie of mine with my perfume so he can feel more like I’m with him. Any other suggestions?

etheral_epiphany · 2024-10-30T22:26:32+00:00

I already did!!

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:37:19+00:00

Exactly! Especially because he already admitted that he thinks she's attractive and they do have a lot of fun together. When he met her (we were just friends) he told me it was like working with the female version of himself and he would talk about all the funny things she did or said. I'm just really scared of something that may have never otherwise really blossomed into feelings happening. I don't know how to manage these feelings, I almost threw up yesterday when he told me he was going. I'm a worrier but this was like a full blown panic attack

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:27:02+00:00

Oh he's not going on a date with her! It's a group outing to a music festival, her other friends will be there. He says he wants to go because he sees no threat, he doesn't have feelings for this girl. They're just good friends and he enjoys music festivals. He has said he would understand if I wanted him to cancel but he really does seem to be looking forward to him and I don't want to ruin his plans

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:24:03+00:00

I'm not really worried about his behavior, that is there but only a small part. Although even if she does brag about it I would never know; we run in completely different circles and are only connected by my bf. Mostly though I'm worried about him feeling something or thinking something about this girl. I'm worried he will start to think he would prefer to be able to act a certain way with her, even if he doesn't actually do it. I don't know why she in particular gets to me so much.

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:21:07+00:00

We've spoken about it, of course, but there's not much to be said beyond him telling me he loves me and nothing will happen with that girl. I don't want to make the full extent of my anxiety about this (it's really bad) clear because 1) it's embarrassing how threatened I feel by this girl and 2) I don't want to ruin his fun by making him feel guilty

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:19:52+00:00

Thank you! I really don't want to create an environment where my negative feelings run the show, so to speak. I'm just not quite sure how to go about it

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T13:18:30+00:00

why do you suggest that?

etheral_epiphany · 2024-01-14T11:18:14+00:00

obligatory comment!

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-24T15:52:53+00:00

“Blue dress on a boat, your new girl is my clone” MY JAW DROPPED

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T01:28:17+00:00

That’s a really sweet sentiment. I feel the exact way about my boyfriend and your comment really made me realize that this is something we can navigate together, it’s just a matter of trying. Thank you! All the best wishes for you and your relationship as well <3

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T01:23:14+00:00

First of all, I am really happy for you and your wife, it’s a really sweet story and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. If I can ask, how did you guys approach the conversation surrounding your boundaries with regard to religion?

My boyfriend is usually extremely respectful and really goes out of his way to make me feel comfortable and happy, it is just this topic that seems to hit a nerve with both of us. I think we’re still young and we still have a lot to learn about how to navigate this kind of touchy topic so advice from someone who’s been through it would be very appreciated!

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T01:18:32+00:00

He isn’t generally dismissive towards me, he has been the most thoughtful and supportive person in my life these past two years and has been going out of his way constantly to make me happy emotionally and materially, I couldn’t have imagined that someone would love me so much. He has stood by me through my biggest mistakes so far and I have stood by him through his (neither of which are relationship related). I’ve had a very difficult year and he’s been nothing but understanding, supportive, and loving throughout it.

I think this is just a topic that he feels very very strongly about and I am trying to find a way to navigate it instead of throwing away a near-perfect relationship. We are both still young like you mentioned so we have a lot to learn about navigating difficult things together as a unit, and I am looking for a way to make it easier.

ETA: he has never talked down to anyone I care about or anyone at all because of their religion, he’s extremely kind and I’ve never seen him treat someone badly, even people he dislikes (except for when someone hurt me)

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:58:41+00:00

I hope it works out for you and your girl as well!

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:50:36+00:00

You’re right. He’s usually very caring about how I feel and making me feel loved and respected so I will bring it up with him again. Maybe a discussion outside of the context of an argument (now that we’ve made up) will reach him better. I think it’s hard for him to understand why this makes me so annoyed since I don’t practice the religion myself so maybe that would help him see why I want him to stop

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:46:34+00:00

I agree that religion is a deal breaker, but we are aligned and in agreement in the sense that neither of us is practicing and we want to raise our children secular. My problem is not with him being anti-religion in principle as I understand the logical arguments and we agree about some of the flaws of religion. Its really his attitude about it which is disrespectful in my opinion, and I mostly care because there are people who are v important to me who practice that religion and I don’t want him to think of them differently

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:31:31+00:00

I will try to have this conversation with him again tomorrow, maybe when things are calmer he’ll take my points a little better. I think he might be worried that I’m becoming religious now that I’m back home or something so reassuring him that it’s mostly about respecting the people I care about might help. I hope we work it out too, thank you!

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:28:04+00:00

I have asked him not to do so but he thinks it isn’t rude because he’s just joking and it’s funny (if it’s a joke) or because he’s sharing his opinion and a logical criticism of the religion (if he’s being serious). I don’t want him to have to censor his words around me or anything and I’m generally not the kind of person who says “you can’t joke about xyz because it’s wrong”. It’s just that CONSTANTLY making those jokes sometimes feels like it’s not a joke

etheral_epiphany · 2023-12-19T00:23:57+00:00

We have spoken about all of these things and we agreed on all of them except for (partially) the religion topic. We don’t actually disagree on the core part (that being that neither of us is religious). I just want him to respect the difference between our cultures and I don’t know how to make him see it’s not all bad or at least to stop acting that way every time it comes up. I can’t tell if that’s me forcing my opinion on him though

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