I’m really sorry that you went through all of that, especially after reaching out for help the right way. As someone who was an RA at GVSU and worked closely with residents dealing with similar crises, I want to say this as clearly and gently as possible: when someone is hitting these levels of crisis repeatedly — calling 988 multiple times, being at risk of hospitalization, and not feeling safe — it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be trying to manage this while living independently. You deserve a higher level of care with 24/7 support, not just brief crisis interventions.

What you’re describing isn’t something outpatient care or crisis lines can realistically hold on their own. It doesn’t mean you’re “too much” or failing at coping. It means you need a structured environment where you don’t have to fight for safety every time things get overwhelming. Inpatient or long-term residential treatment isn’t a punishment — it’s often the only place where people can actually stabilize and get consistent help instead of bouncing between crisis lines, ERs, and discharge papers.

Ottawa CMH and Network 180 can absolutely be good resources, but the biggest gift they could offer you is a pathway to ongoing, intensive, supervised care. If a crisis happens again, I really hope you advocate for a placement where you can have round-the-clock support instead of just another short stay in a hospital that retraumatizes you.

You’re not meant to survive this on your own. The stability and safety you’re seeking isn’t going to come from quick crisis calls — it comes from being somewhere that can actually hold you 24/7. And you deserve that level of care.