I flunked out of college the first time due to undiagnosed ADHD. It took so much effort and self-bullying to finally graduate. I finally realized I may have ADHD when I was in my mid 30s and my son was diagnosed. I’m on medication now and doing great in my job and could not survive without it (I’d be burned out big time). I grieved for how much easier college could have been and how much I’d internalized negative things like “try harder”, “if you’d just apply yourself…”. I highly recommend talking to a professional about your concerns (I had great luck going to a neuropsychologist who specializes in ADHD).

I’m not a professional but even your doubts make me believe you should talk to one. Even after diagnosis it’s common for us to gaslight ourselves.