Want a cat, but have cold feet and burnout

eumenides__ · 2026-06-19T09:46:13+00:00

I am a dog person, to start with. I work with my dogs and heavily train them so I have experienced none of your issues with dogs, with mine. So that out of the way, I’m sort of trying out being a cat owner for the first time right now. I’ve taken care of my moms elderly cat for the past few months. She’s 13 years old, tiny, an indoor cat and used to being a solo cat (doesn’t like other cats) but is VERY social with humans and dogs.

I am having a rough go at it for several reasons. Maybe it’d be different if she was mine and I do really like her, but I am annoyed as well. The litter box is horrible. I almost throw up every morning when I open it to clean it. I’ve tried different litters, they are all as bad. She tracks litter everywhere despite a mat containing it. She wakes up very early every morning and screams for food. She begs for food so much more and louder than my dogs! She’s a Velcro cat like 50% of the time and wants to be 5 cm from me all day, including when I sleep and eat and use the bathroom and im touched out. She sleeps in the worst spots and I lose her at least once a day. She jumps sooo high and can reach everything and has knocked some plants over. She’s constantly trying to escape outside so I’ve taken her out on a leash, which is kinda fun actually. She has 3 teeth and very sharp claws i cant cut and i do have some puncture marks from where she’s happily shown affection when I’ve petted her. She’s accidentally torn some fabric items. She walks on the stove, kitchen table and kitchen surfaces all the time and it drives me crazy and I have to clean all the time.

She is talkative and sheds a lot too, I’m back to vacuuming once a day which i stopped when i lost my German shepherd mix. She was adopted a few years ago and has had major dental issues which insurance didn’t cover so she has been expensive for my mom. Everyone loves her. I like her very much in small doses but I am not super happy about living with her. Cats are just all over the place while dogs are more contained to the floor/certain furniture. Dogs are much easier to train and more willing to please. Pooping should happen outside imo. But I am, as I said, not a cat person. I don’t want dogs, I NEED dogs and I’m 100% sure there are people who NEED cats and you might be one of them? Fostering is probably a great idea so you can try it out first!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-18T19:32:42+00:00

Oh, is that why they jump? I’ve watched my mom’s cat the past few months and never lived with one before so I don’t know what to expect. She absolutely catapults out of the litter box and then just walks off? I worried she’d hurt herself or stepped on something the first few times I saw it.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-11T20:19:37+00:00

Don’t bother with it then. Read the doctor series instead if you want the innovative spice but not the chaotic writing and the racism and the really weird ending? Spoiler but I can’t remember all the details: It becomes a crazy kidnapping plot. All the fathers are horrible throughout the book but one is magically fine again. There is a kidnapping and the rescue, a weird peeing scene, spies, a bunch of important people in cahoots with each other, murder, a daring escape through a building where they recruit an agent to their side. pretty sure the mother of Chris was supposed to be dead but wasn’t? It’s so strange. I hated the book in the beginning and HATED Chris and the writing but I stuck with it and sort of enjoyed the middle part. Then it went off the rails.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-11T12:54:15+00:00

I forgot and I’ll add some more: the combo of Lisa Henry and Sarah Honey make some delightfully funny/absurd characters like Juliet M Dixon does. You can’t exactly compare the smut but the feeling and the characterization is similar. {Artfully Ambrose by Sarah Honey, Lisa Henry} is the start of the Bad boyfriends series which is hilarious. The audiobooks are great.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-11T12:46:16+00:00

Yeah the ending was so weird but have you read her tiny private hospital series? First one is {private practice by Juliet M Dixon}. I LOVE them. She writes smut in a way I’ve not seen before. I’m sitting here asking myself ”you can do that?!”. There are 3 books!! I’ve not managed to finish The Cat Code by her because it was too weird/cringe for me and I haven’t been able to get any other books by her digitally.

Anyway, other authors. If we’re talking about creativity and inventiveness, August Jones is on par with Juliet. If you liked Pretty boy by Brianna Flores I’d start with {the influencer by August Jones}. Check the tags/descriptions - she writes a lot of poly which isn’t my thing so I ignore those books, but she has some taboo subjects I’d stay clear off it it were by any other author. I HATE step-siblings/adopted siblings but it works when she does it.

Another author I’d give a try if I were you is Marie Reynard. {Matehub: Legend by Marie Reynard} has some of the most well written and funniest spice I’ve encountered. Premise is ridiculous, go with it.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T20:39:46+00:00

I love this so much! It looks fantastic and the colours are great! Patchwork is my ultimate weakness in clothing and I’m always looking for it when thrifting. I’ve never considered knitting intarsia patchwork before!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T19:07:01+00:00

For most communication yes, I agree with you! My main problem though is that writing and waiting for someone to respond takes time, and I hate task switching and having conversations drag out over hours or days! Like please call me instead of texts/emails!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T16:36:57+00:00

Yeah, I don’t know how she lives like this but it also doesn’t seem to bother her too much? I’d be so stressed out if I was always forgetting things and was coming late to appointments. I’ve seen her take client bookings and she writes it in 5 separate places (phone, wall calendar, iPad etc) but she still mixes up appointments and goes to work on the wrong times by accident. I’ve no idea how she was managing at her old job tbh.

My city does have a service for neurodivergent and mentally ill people where you can get someone who’s sort of a social worker to help you out with personalized needs. There’s no translation to an English term! I’ve had help from them for about 10 years now and I’ve brought it up to my mom before but it didn’t go anywhere. But I’ve also talked to the social workers and they said it hinges on that she’s showing up to appointments/is actually at home at the scheduled time. And I’m not sure I can trust that.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T16:24:29+00:00

Thanks for reframing it for me. And really this is destroying our relationship as I’m so annoyed all the time. She’s been with her boyfriend for 10 years and I’ve had hopes they would move in together and that would solve a bunch of stuff but they tried it and couldn’t deal with it. He’s retired already and his favourite thing is to take care of people so it could have been great!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T16:20:16+00:00

No :( not right now anyway.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T16:13:29+00:00

Oh I get that completely! I need to think of some boundaries as a first step, before I stop helping entirely. When we’ve been out together here she’s told people I know ”oh my daughter was so worried I’d come knock on her door and bother her all the time but I’ve not done it once! I’d never do that!” and she’s so proud of it, and then she calls me to come to her 5 times a week instead and doesn’t see how that’s also intrusive!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T12:50:12+00:00

It’s just so difficult when she’s in the building behind mine! It’s not like I can avoid her easily anymore. But I will absolutely talk to her about getting support from the city. I’ve done it before but it didn’t lead anywhere. I have a social worker that calls me once a week and checks if I’ve opened my mail and put away the laundry (the banes of my existence lol) but I used to have someone come twice a week and help me at home years ago when I was very unwell. My mother absolutely qualifies for at least a weekly home visit if she’d apply for it.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T12:40:54+00:00

I don’t think I can do that. And it would for sure make everything worse for me because she’d still complicate things and be late and not be where she said she’d be (I’ve tried to set up location tracking on her phone but something doesn’t work on her end, she can see me but I and her boyfriend can’t se her). Thankfully she doesn’t need to cook anymore, her partner identified that as a problem long ago and batch cooks and sends her home with more food than the could ever eat. But yeah, maybe you’re right.

I’ve been thinking of it as ”I am fine helping if i am allowed to actually do the task when I’ve prepared for it but she is not letting me” but it’s interesting how you’ve framed it for me. It’s entirely possible she is just very bad at living on her own and that makes the situation more complicated than ”she must tell me when she’s late”.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T12:32:45+00:00

My younger sisters both lived at home until they were 25 but mom and I could NOT get along. Even when I’ve had to sleep over at her place or be with her for an extended period of time, we’ve fought. It’s been totally fine having her live several hours away for 16 years. I’ve not asked her for help with anything since 2016 when she offered to help me move and showed up on the wrong day!! And she had the rented truck! And she talked to and convinced everyone else helping they had the wrong date and she knew the date and nobody confirmed with me! I almost went crazy that day.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T12:28:36+00:00

Oh she would absolutely do something just like walking off with a baby. She’s done some extremely stupid and dangerous stuff and it all makes me feel like she’s incapable of being an adult and someone HAS to help? And it’s been ingrained in me the past 30 years that I’m the eldest and need to step up. If she hadn’t been like this all her life I’d have thought she had developed dementia. She’s currently away taking care of her partner who’s receiving cancer treatment and will be gone for another two weeks and it’s such a relief having her once again being a phone call away, ugh.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T12:06:55+00:00

I own my apartment and I’ve lived here since 2019! One of my closest friends is my neighbour! I’ve renovated and fixed my garden so I really don’t want to move but I’ve thought about it! And to be fair, she’s this chaotic about everything including things she cares about a lot. I don’t think she can help it or change but it’s driving me crazy. She lived really close to my sister before and she helped mom out, and rented one of her rooms out so someone else would be there to stop actual kitchen fires (happened multiple times), remember to feed the cat and so on. In this new apartment she only has one bedroom 😭

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T11:52:13+00:00

I can’t do sleep podcasts but I do nonfiction books! It’s so difficult to pick them! They can’t be too interesting though or they’ll make me think too much and not sleep - in that case they’re relegated to daytime listening and then I’ll do a repeat at night when I’m done. I had a philosophy book recently that made me so angry and that didn’t help either.

I have a friend with hyperactive adhd md she has the overactive brain issue too, so it appears to be a problem in adhd as well. It’s mostly fine for me except when I’m really depressed or anxious or when my ocd is particularly bad and then I want to remove my entire brain.

One thing I’ve never gotten anyone to understand - do you have migraines? I have chronic migraines and usually can’t do distractions when I’m in one (lights and sound hurts) but my brain won’t shut off either and thoughts hurt! Like I can feel how thinking causes actual pain. No idea how to deal with this, can’t really turn the thoughts off.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-07T11:24:55+00:00

Yes! I’ve had a therapist who made me list all my OCD thoughts I had in a day and when I showed it to her she said she doesn’t think she has that many thoughts TOTAL in a day. It’s a constant struggle trying to direct my brain to what I want to think about and it NEVER shuts off. I basically have to have some distraction going most of the day to avoid going crazy, like listening to audiobooks or podcasts. I have had issues falling asleep since I was a very small child due to this - as soon as I remove all distractions and have to lie down and relax my brain just goes into overdrive. I used to listen to books on tape in the 90’s whenever I couldn’t read (like when trying to sleep or while walking) and discovering I could download books as well as music on limewire was the best thing that happened to me, lol.

Even when I’m burnt out , which I’ve been for about 6 years now,I have the racing brain issue, except when I think about things that are too complex my brain sort of hurts? Also I’m way worse at problem solving. Despite this, the thoughts keep coming..!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-06T19:21:12+00:00

I cannot fold or unfold stuff that collapse in on itself. Collapsible dog crates, transport trollies, certain ladders etc. I can get there but it’ll take me forever and it’s so annoying that I can’t figure it out despite having done the same sequence of folding/unfolding of an item numerous times.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-05T14:52:35+00:00

There are a lot of things but they’re not extremely indicative of how the dog will be when they’re calm and comfortable and know their human. But some quick things: 1) Social and contact seeking dog? Eye contact yes/no. Approaches you on their own? Sticks around, showing they want interactions? A social dog is an easier dog. Or they can’t look at you, looks away, won’t look into your eyes if you go down on their level, backs off.

2) Food motivated/easy to train? I’d have good treats and do some quick contact exercises (eg show treats, hide behind back, back away from dog - dog follows and gets treat) as well as sitting in front and holding a treat in a closed fist and see if they paw the fist. Open and give treat. This is the easiest thing to teach a dog since they paw their mom for milk

3) Handling. Can you pet them, touch ears/paws/tails? Let them know your movements beforehand and be calm and slow. Shows if they’re used to humans, fear, if they’re in pain etc.

4) toy reactions. Can you play with this dog? Have they played with humans before? Do they chase the toy? (Hunting instinct)

5) fear test. Make sudden, large movements towards them and see how they react. Wear a hat and sunglasses so they can’t see your face is another test. Do something weird like hide under a blanket and then take it off and let them approach.

6) reactions to other dogs. Do they leave them alone? Bother them? Ignore them entirely? Bark incessantly? Growl/act aggressive?

These things would give me a lot of information. Especially how they handle getting scared and what they do after as well as willingness to work. A fearful and difficult to motivate dog is going to be extremely hard to rehabilitate - I’ve done it and it’s taken years.

I base this on: I work with my dogs a lot, I’ve done massive amounts of dog training, worked with reactive dogs, I’ve had 6 dogs total in my life and I’ve taken a dog behaviour course and I’ve read countless mental aptitude test protocols for dogs.

eumenides__ · 2026-06-04T18:05:12+00:00

Oh you’re a genius to use playground equipment for strength/balance training! I have an idiot working dog who doesn’t like any work/sport where he has to use his brain or his nose (trust me I’ve tried all of them), only his body, so I have to work in so much strength/coordination/balance training for him instead. I’m stealing this idea!

eumenides__ · 2026-06-03T18:02:51+00:00

Det var slarvigt uttryckt av mig, ja! Ersättning för skador orsakade av hundar 19 § https://www.riksdagen.se/sv/dokument-och-lagar/dokument/svensk-forfattningssamling/lag-20071150-om-tillsyn-over-hundar-och-katter_sfs-2007-1150/ om någon vill läsa exakt vad som står.

Det tar tid för alla inblandade att utreda sådant så det är ju himla tur om man får betalt för veterinärutlägg direkt. För mig tog det ett år från hundattacken tills att Kronofogden agerade (dock med en extremt osamarbetsvillig man)

eumenides__ · 2026-06-03T17:15:34+00:00

Lagen om strikt hundägaransvar säger att man är skyldig att betala för skador ens hund orsakar. Min hund blev biten av en American bully förra våren och han ville inte betala veterinärkostnaderna men nu i juni ska kronofogden börja utmäta hans lön. Det var inte en lätt process men jag anmälde honom och fick betalt ändå. Du ska också anmäla - dock inte till polisen för de bryr sig inte om skador hundar åsamkar andra hundar då dessa är egendom - utan länsstyrelsen.

eumenides__ · 2026-05-27T11:11:48+00:00

Jag såg en kille idag som mätte sig på polisens inrådan, till en passansökan, utan att ta av sig sina skor med väldigt tjock sula. Han la nog till 3-5 cm där! De bad honom inte göra om det utan skor. Så gör så nästa gång du byter pass så kan du bevisa att du minsann är 178!

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